Daloy

01/12/2025

Hello, it's your everyday sunflower! But, sorry, Sunflower hasn't been feeling sunny these past few days. Sunflower will bloom again but doesn't know when.

🌻🌙

01/11/2025

today, I lit candles not only for the loved ones we've lost, but for the past versions of myself that died too.

i'm sorry if i have buried you too deep. i'm sorry for not being able to protect you. i'm sorry for killing you and your dreams. i may have outgrown you, but i will always carry the weight of your soul, of your pain, of your tears. you were so young, so futile, but so strong.

if only i could hug the recesses of your heart. i'd bring a bucket to catch your tears. a jacket to keep your cold thoughts warm. frozen spoons to reduce the puffiness in your eyes. maybe microwaved ice cream because you like it that way.

today, i burn candles for the person i used to be, and for the person i will never become. it is not to mourn nor grieve, for i am grateful for her anima, modling me into who i am now.

to the ghost of my past, happy halloween.

— Iya
— Painting by Franz Skarbina, All Souls’ Day (Hedwig Cemetery), 1896

13/09/2025

Hang in there.

— Iya.

15/06/2025

Every morning, I pray,

"Thank you, Lord for giving me another day."

Which was strange.

Because I used to pray every night wishing I would never wake up again.

— Iya.

15/06/2025

I WANT TO FORGET
By Nut Ella

I want to forget the first message you sent me
when I least expected it
I want to forget the nights in which we
slowly seeped into each other's soul bit by bit
I want to forget the small giggles, the tiniest smile
that would spread across my face
It didn't take awhile
Before you made my heart race

I want to forget the first time we met
you had a green shirt, and you wore it with style
suddenly I didn't regret
reaching out within a mile
I want to forget your scent,
that enveloped me in a bubble of what was once your love
My mind was bent
not knowing what was below and above
Is it really you?
Are you really the one?
My heart held a single clue
Yet, I still gave you the gun

When the darkness comes and the world is quiet,
our memories crawl out
I can no longer deny it
That I love you more without a doubt
But still, I want to forget
when we ran under the rain, hand in hand
Clothes and hair wet
we made the stand
of making promises that we broke
and words unspoken
It all seemed like a joke
but at the end, you were outspoken

I don't know why I still hold on
on what once was
you're already gone
and my heart is in pause
I hope it stays that way
because I could never give my heart again
To someone who would not stay
while I cling to the pain that remain

06/06/2025

"Annette, there is something I wanted to say. The time I spent with you was the happiest and most precious time of my life. That time was not a lie. It was the truth: my heart, my everything. The truth is, I wanted to stay with you, always... and live that way. Even in the days that I resented and hated you, there was never a time that I did not love you. Annette, I love you. With all my heart, with all my life, I have loved you. I am not saying this to hold you back. I only want you to know that those days, our time together, was not a lie. So neither was your heart, neither was your love. This is what I wanted to say. So, I hope you will be happy. I hope you will not suffer. Annette, you are the most precious person to me. Thank you for loving someone like me."

— Heiner
— My Beloved Oppressor, Chapter 65.

13/02/2025

🥀

13/02/2025

This is not just about a flower 🌷

16/12/2024

it's finals week.

"college is hard." i don't think there's any other way of saying that. college. is. hard. you'll never know unless you're there.

so, just do it. keep on studying. on working hard for yourself. don't follow your mood, follow your plan.

and if you face questions that you have no idea about, then answer what you know.

this may or may not be the program or school you want, but you're already here. what's the point of looking back?

appreciate what you're studying right now, it's for you. it's for your future. it's teaching you to be resilient despite the mountains of information that you have to learn. that knowledge you attain is your power.

don't compare yourself among your classmates, or who is "better". just focus on yourself. you just have to be a better version of who you were yesterday.

once this is all done, you can get to rest and rot on your bed again while you endlessly scroll on tiktok.

do it even when you're tired. do it when you don't feel like doing it. just do it.

do it with all your best, and end up with no regrets.

im so proud of you.

— Iya.
— "The Philosopher" painting by Godfrey Kneller.

21/10/2024

20/10/2024

how do i?

19/10/2024

marahil nga…