13/12/2023
Most days I find myself lost in all these possibilities that lie ahead. I don't know where to begin or how to believe in myself again. Each day I try to confront my strong self-doubts and fears that paralyze me. I have no confidence in what I am capable of. I've grown used to neglecting the need to create and express myself, which I now find hard to embrace.
Throughout this difficult phase, I've given myself plenty of affirmations that I can do it. Sometimes it works, but most of the time I break into fragments. Overwhelmed by my thoughts and ambitions, I scribbled these words on my notebook, with a tinge of hope in my weary heart: just create.
I equate this phrase to "stop hesitating, just do it" because every time I try to do or create something, one thing that is holding me back is my very own fear of not being good enough.
The word "just" resonated with me deeply because I struggle with perfection and the feeling of inadequacy. The constant need to be perfect shackles me. I care terribly about every trivial matter I could think of and that gets me stuck in my process.
This is the fear I am slowly trying to break by allowing myself to be patient, to be at ease, to be a beginner and make mistakes, to let go of perfection, and just create. I want to embrace my creativity and passion, push past my doubts, and go through the hardships of pursuing my ambitions. It's going to be hard, uncertain, and frustrating, but I will be driven by my dreams.
There will always be fear and difficulties that will hold you back, but it is your decision to continue moving forward in your path and overcome looming obstacles, that is of great importance.
It's okay to start, fail along the process, and grow. We are, after all, rough drafts of the people we are becoming. 🍂
﹃ written on 04.25.22 | from the archives ﹄