17/04/2023
I started taking antipsychotics recently.
I have been suffering from what seem to have been mixed episodes. My thoughts were constantly crashing into my mind like the foamy coastal waves splash into the crags. At the same time I felt the dreary old cloud of depression tagging along.
Their combined torments caused me to have severely broken sleep at night. I would wake up every hour until I would finally get out of bed at around 10:30. It didn't matter how late I went to bed the night before. 10:30 I was up and being active.
It felt like an endless cycle of despair, productivity, and derangement.
Much like the willows in these photos, I have come to find bipolar to be an existence that can change how one comes across depending on your mood/tone.
With the antipsychotics I feel like the first photo. Dark and hazy. I'm not foggy. The image is clear. It's just a bit grainy. There's something off. Though, you can still see the details if you try.
The second photo shows how I usually see life. The deep shadows make the willow look like it is weeping. It sags under the weight of its own branches, longing for release.
Yet, the third photo shows how a slight adjustment to your perspective can change things immensely. The flowers are well lit and pop with vibrant life. This is mania. It shines bright, but it exists in a world of muted colors. The brightness is a deceptive illusion.
The reality is in the fourth photo. It may be disappointing that life isn't as vibrant as we might hope. Still, it's not quite as full of shadow or deception. The trick is to take life as it is, and accept that.
I still have a lot to process. I'll get there, though.
Thank you to everyone who's shown me support. It means the world.
To those struggling. You are not alone. Hang in there.
Photos taken and edited by me.
