30/04/2025
So this couple newly moved into our compound. Newly weds from the look of things.
Always holding hands whenever they are out.
And they are always together.
Even to come down and trash their dirt, they will hold hands. When the wife is going to buy Maggi, uncle will be by her side holding her hand.
The other day they were honking for minutes and after placing a call to the compound security and realized he stepped out, they came down to open the gate so they can drive in.
But guess what…
They were holding hands and so couldn't open the gate.
I hissed from my apartment and came downstairs to open it for them. I hate nons€nse.
I mean they stood in front of the gate, holding hands and smiling sheepishly, each refusing to let go so the other could open the gate
For over 15 minutes!
Since that day, they started greeting me very well, and they are fond of driving in late from work then sending the security guy to get petrol for them at night.
I mean, they drove in, so why didn't they get it on their way?
Our security can't say no because he is a very sweet Hausa guy. But me, I will be fuming inside in my house.
Until one evening they drove in again, honked for over 15 minutes then came down to open the gate together.
I had already sworn not to open for them even if they turn to salt there. I just kept pressing my phone ontop my car right outside my flat and close to the gate.
I wanted them to see me when they drove in so they will know I refused to open the gate for them.
Next thing, after closing the gate the wife walked up to me and asked me to help them get petrol and added "pretty please" with a smile.
Firstly, you are married so you are out of the market.
Secondly, how dare you, I mean I'm probably older but because she is married she somehow believes she can send me on errands.
The husband who is probably my mate just kept smiling sheepishly and looking at me, waiting for my response.
So, I jumped down from the boot of my car I was sitting on, collected the money and went out. Ignoring the thanks from the husband and wife.
I went to the bakery close to the junction, thank God they were still open. I bought Sardine bread, suya and Hollandia yoghurt then came back and was eating quietly in my room when I heard a silent knock on my door after some minutes.
"Neighbor, it's me, are you back from getting the petrol?" the wife asked.
"Please, come inside the door is open" I invited her in.
Next thing, both of them walked in, surprised to see me eating.
I asked them to join me and to my surprise and shock they did. In fact they finished the bread and Sardine and even ate the suya, feeding themselves with my food.
I was stunned, I kept looking at them with my mouth wide open.
Then the wife poured half of the drink in my cup and gave the man, oga downed everything in one gulp like ogogoro.
Guess what…
He poured the remaining Hollandia and gave her to drink, she didn't stop till she finished everything.
They were playing love with my food, in my own house!
Giggling together, smacking their lips and k!ssing themselves, they turned to me.
"Neighbor neighbor, thank you so much. In fact, this evening my wife and I were just thinking of what to cook." the gluttonous husband said.
"Yes o, neighbor, but now we don't have to worry about that, thanks to you. You have saved our belly." the wife replied.
"So, where's the petrol?" they asked
I paused for a second then replied,
"You just ate it."
"I don't understand"? The husband said.
"You just drank the last drop" I replied him.
"What on earth are you talking about the wife said" already getting up.
"I mean the dinner you just had, what do you think funded it." I replied, using the toothpick from the suya to pick my teeth.
My conscience wasn't pricking me again, after all, they ate their money audaciously.
The husband stood up and came close to me, firmly grabbing my shirt at the neck, saying "Look here, if you don't explain how you spent my petrol money this instant... I will..."
I fainted.
"Jesus!" the woman screamed
The husband covered her mouth and held her hand.
"Honey, should I give him mouth to mouth?" the wife asked.
I stretched more so she will quickly give me mouth to mouth.
The husband glared at her for a second and whispered, "I will give you backhand to mouth if you ever suggest that again." Then he dragged her by the hand and together they ran out of my room.
Bad market!
After some seconds, I stood up and quickly locked the door behind me.
One time one NDDC Chairman ate billions, another time, snake and monkey carry millions run but you people want to frustrate my life because of 3 thousand Naira.
By the way, this fainting technique sure d!e.😂
Bad Market!
The End!
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