30/11/2020
Some good old longanisting - please see below!
Our answer to Aky:
"Dear Aky, the solution to your problem is not a simple one. I see that you were born when Saturn was in a straight line with Ura**s. We call this a Sat-on-ura**s conjunction. There is one way escape this conjunction and that is actually literally to not be "sat on your a**s" and to stand on your own feet. Members of the opposite gender like to see a man who can stand on his own feet. However, I do understand that this is harder said than done. In which case, I can also be of assistance. You need to get a black feathered chicken and the all important soil from a graveyard. Mix the soil with pepper and salt and use this special potent astral mixture to season a roast of the chicken. Remember, you need every part of the chicken - you will eat the beak and the feet of the chicken and sacrifice the flesh to the stars and planets. This will open the path in the stars to your soulmate. I hope that has been helpful :)"
