Kenyan Jokes Arena

08/05/2023

A Kenyan policeman stops at a farm in rural Nyeri and talks with an old farmer.

He tells the farmer, 'I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs.' The old farmer says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.'

The policeman verbally explodes saying,
'Mister, I have the authority of the State with me.' Reaching into his rear pant pocket and removing his ID.

The policeman proudly displays it to the farmer. 'See this ID? This ID means I am allowed to go wherever I wish..on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?'

The old farmer nods politely and goes about his chores. Later, the old farmer hears loud screams and sees the police running for his life and close behind is the farmer's bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer. The police is clearly terrified. The old farmer immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....

"Your ID! SHOW HIM YOUR ID!"

27/04/2023

After University studies in 2009, I was extremely idle, I was staying in my parent's house. There was this Kalenjin school where she was teaching. They were looking for a football coach. Since in High School I was a ruthless no nonsense attacking midfielder, I told my mother that I would take up the job. The Principal was keen on either a Luhya or a Luo coach as Kalenjin men are deficiency in matters soccer.
You see, I was very fat after finishing University, I couldn't play football, I had also drinking Chang'aa, otherwise you would have seen me play for Kenya Breweries FC.
Well, I got hired after being interviewed by some teacher who called himself Director of Sports, he had crooked teeth and was smelling alcohol, he was just rambling words and shaking his head in affirmative to anything I said.
I was given 50K to go and seek professional footballers in Kakamega and Kisumu. Once in Kisumu, I told my story to a manamba who told me he knew expert footballers. He took me somewhere in Nyamasaria where boys were playing football, I successfully recruited 7 Luos. I went to Kakamega and recruited 10, I bundled them in Matatu and headed to Kericho.
Those boys were school dropouts and were not interested in education. There work was to eat, train, fart and sleep. At the tournaments, we went up to district level. At that level, we sailed through quickly because Kalenjins are morons when it comes to football.
We went to Rift Valley Provincials, at the beginning it was easy. We reached Quarters, we were scheduled to play a School called Kitale Days.
The first 10 minutes, they had beat us 2-0. By the 45th minute we had received 6-0.
Second half, a boy called Omondi of our side scored a goal with a powerful header. Hapo tulichokoza nyuki my friends. Wabukusu walitutwanga mabao, by the time the referee was ending the game, we had received 13-1. Even a goalkeeper scored.
I was fired via text message by the Principal.

27/04/2023

27/04/2023

Lawyers defending pastor Paul Mackenzie want evidence that the departed souls are not in heaven as promised by their client😥😥😥

09/10/2022

Ndio nimetoa TV kwa fundi, Azimio bado tuko mbele💪💪🙏

24/09/2022

Welcome to Kenya where we buy Monthly Data every Week 🤦‍♂️

24/09/2022

Lmao. Just remembered when one of my closest friends turned 30 and I wanted to get him 30 different gifts, one for each year. 😂😂 I was in the middle of curating the gifts when I paused and asked myself why I want to outshine his wife 😭😭

24/09/2022

Her new guy was never new, you just never knew.

02/09/2022

Ruto joins millions of unemployed Kenyans who walk around with certificates but no jobs. He is walking around with an IEBC cert with no job. Tuko pamoja.

28/08/2022

A society that tells a broke man he is not worthy of a woman has no right to tell a man to stick to one woman when he gets rich.

27/08/2022

With effect from Friday the IEBC WhatsApp group has only three members: Wafula, Wanyonyi, and Chebukati.