Something To Smile About

17/10/2021

Am I Wicked?

I called a married lady friend who owed me money, but she didn't pick my calls.
I called 10 times more, still no answer.

Knowing that her husband was not at home, I decided to send her this message:
"Hello Ma'am, I'm not calling for the money.
I just wanted to tell you that 2 girls were fighting over your husband down town today.
It was a big bout and he was just there watching until one of the girl managed to escape into his car and they drove off."

After some minutes, she called me but I ignored her. She kept calling and I found 21 missed calls from her.

And then a message which read:
Where was the fight?
Where did they go?
Did you notice those girls?
Please tell me, I am falling apart.

I just read and didn't respond.
She called again, 5 times and I didn't answer.
Then another message from her:
"I have your money. Please can we meet, so you can tell me more?"

Then I replied:
"Okay, you can send it to my NCB account number 232485586 by wire Transfer so that I pass by the gas station to refuel, then I will pick you up and drive you to the girl's house because I know her."

After 2 mins, I checked my account balance.
My money was fully paid. I then switched off my phone, roll over and slept like a baby.

Am I wicked?

27/09/2021

WIFE: honey let's play a game.
HUSBAND: okay. What's the game about?
WIFE: if I mention a fruit, you'll run to the left side of the room and touch the wall, if I mention a color, you'll run to the right side of the room and touch the wall. If u run to the wrong direction, you'll give me all your salary for this month.
HUSBAND: Okay! And if u fail in ur turn, I'll have your salary too ryt?
WIFE: 😃(smiles) yes darling!
HUSBAND: okay. (stands up ready to run in any direction)
You start
WIFE: Orange!😳

4 HOURS NOW...

The husband is still standing on the spot wondering if she meant the fruit or the color.😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

16/09/2021

Rihanna one of the most richest woman in the world is drinking Heineken but you?? You?? With your 2 panties and 1 bra want to drink Moet!! 🙄

14/09/2021

A man walks into a bar. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a little man, maybe a foot tall and a little piano. He puts them both on the bar, and the little guy starts playing Mozart as the man orders his drink.
The bartender says "I'm sure it's none of my business, but where did you find a little man who plays piano like that?"
The guy says "There's a genie outside granting wishes, I bet he's still there if you hurry."
The bartender runs outside, and moments later a bunch of ducks come in through the front door and start causing a big ruckus. The bartender says "You didn't tell me the genie was deaf, I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."
The guy says
Do you really think I asked for an eleven inch pianist?"

Comedy club

11/09/2021

Guys beware, some girls are now using tomato ketchup as menstruation format... if she come and say that she's on... remove the pad and taste to confirm.
Thanks me later 😎

07/09/2021

CAN FACEBOOK DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED TO MAKE AN ACCOUNT PLEASE???? A YOUNGER MAN HAS BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING PEOPLE, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HIMSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HIS UNMENTIONABLES. HE IS OFFERING A SAMSUNG NOTE 10 IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVORS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE A NOTE 4 AND OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH IT CAUSE IT'S SUPER SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON.

Comedy club

04/08/2021

A Lawyer, representing a wealthy art collector called him and said, "Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; Let's hear the good news first."
The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today and she informed me that she invested $1,500 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $10 to15 million. And I think she could be right."
Paul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you & your secretary." 🤣 😈

02/08/2021

01/08/2021

S*x and feelings

A man was brought before the judge and charged with NECROPHILIA (having s*x with a dead person). The judge told him, "In 20 years on the bench, I've never heard such a
disgusting, immoral thing. Just give me one good reason why I shouldn't lock you up and throw away the jail keys in the toilet?"
The man replied, "I'll give you THREE good reasons:
1. It's none of your damn business;
2. She was my wife; and...
3. I didn't KNOW she was dead, she ALWAYS acted that way!"

The case was dismissed and the judge announced the following warnings:

For the ladies:: PLEASE TRY
TO MOVE A LITTLE DURING
THE ACT.

For the guys: IF THERE IS
NOT MUCH MOVEMENT, STOP
IMMEDIATELY AND CHECK IF
SHE IS ALIVE ....!!! Case dismissed!

01/08/2021

Joke for the day

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman and was somewhat upset -"you are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. How dare you do this to me -a faithful wife, mother of your children! I am leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!" And the husband replied "Hang on just a minute Love, so at least I can tell you what happened." "Fine, go ahead," she sobbed, "but they'll be the last words you'll ever say to me!! And the husband began -" Well I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and so defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was thin, poorly dressed and dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the chicken curry I made for you last night, which you wouldn't eat because you are afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in seconds. Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed that her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your Anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste. I went and found the s*xy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas, which you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated the boots you bought at that expensive boutique and don't use because someone in your office has the same pair" The husband took a deep breath and continued- "she was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, " Please, do you have anything else that your wife DOESN'T USE?"
😳😳😁😁😂😂

11/07/2021

Side chick is a young girl between 18 and 25 years.
If you are between 26 and 30 you are a side hen and above 30 you are a vulture, side vulture.