04/06/2021
đĨ
âī¸ Noor
Sometimes it hurts to breath. Wondering whether your lungs are working properly or not, you find your thoughts, dwelling in present, past and future. Screams couldn't help you out much, so you tried reaching out to those who once promised to stay. You want to hold their hand, begging to sooth the pain. But more you try to be loved, more you discover how vast the mirage is. Once you were in peace, dealing with your pain, your agony in a most sorted way possible. They crawled under your barrier, found out exactly what your heart longed for and promised a whole world made of those silly dreams. You didn't know how many sleepless nights, bruised eyes and myriads pieces of broken heart were necessary to amend your belief. You were always given the bare minimum, exactly how much you needed to keep on string. Commencing the adjustments without even asking made them see how easily content you become. They slept well knowing you are easy to deal with, easy to manipulate. Eventually time has passed by, they got bored of you, their feelings started to fade. You made a fool of yourself by relying on their words. They aren't able to trace your need, your misery anymore. You never knew how to ask and your naive heart made you believe that they are always gonna understand. But astonishingly you found it completely opposite. Begging for more, you start to raise those questions which you should have asked long before. But it's been revealed to you, how your concerns are in vain and your attachment is the reason of their discomfort. You started to retract the baby steps you took, out of love, out of affection. Whole world is surrounding you with the toxic positivity. You had to believe that everything is going to be alright. Panicking like a caged bird, you asked everyone of them- ' what if nothing works out? what if they left me like a shuttered glass?' Even they don't seem to have an answer. Slowly but surely you see them to get faded away infront of your eyes. You want to hug them, make them stay but don't know how. You whisper those words under your breath on those ever lonely nights but afraid to tell them, decaying yourself like a old fruit. You start asking yourself each and every moment where did it go wrong but your voice get dissolved in mourning. Deep down knowing, it's not your fault entirely, you still don't want to hurt them by questioning their morality, their intentions. You choose to stay until they abundan you, wanting to be the martyr. You may think so high of yourself, but I know this is the only way you knew to punish your own heart for letting them in. You knew how delicate, how innocent it was, but you always choose someone who's unworthy. I blame you for this, for all of it. You should have protected it fiercely, you should have loved yourself more.
đ¨ Malcom Liepke