09/05/2021
Dylan was 18 when he took his life. Few people knew that he had been suffering from body dysmorphic disorder, social anxiety and depression for several years.
As a loving family we kept our issues close, never feeling that we need reveal our private struggles beyond a close few. We tried to respect our son's wishes by not telling people he was struggling with his mental health. Without realising it, by keeping his secret, we had validated his feelings of shame. Would we have done the same had he had diabetes, cancer or heart disease?
Dylan's illness had crept up slowly through his teens. He'd never learned about mental health or ill health. He didn’t have a vocabulary to describe how he was feeling. He didn't understand when his thoughts and feelings had become unhealthy, or when or how to ask for help. He'd never heard of social anxiety. By the time he did ask for help he was already very ill.
Astonishingly, despite 50% of mental health problems starting before the age of 14 (and 75% by 24), mental health is not openly talked about in schools and is not a standard part of the curriculum. If it was, then perhaps Dylan would have understood better what was happening. He may have been able to speak more openly with his friends. He may have asked for help earlier. I am certain that he would have felt less alone. Perhaps it could have saved his life!
Su***de is the second biggest killer of 15-29 year olds. We need to start talking and teaching about mental health and ill health at school as part of su***de prevention. We need to actively support devastated families bereaved by su***de. Su***de is preventable.
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