26/06/2025
“Not all illnesses are visible.”
I was recently invited to model for Marble ARC, my first photo shoot since I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder , BPD, and PTSD. I used to model in London at 18, but this felt different. This time, I was showing up not just for the camera, but for myself. What you don’t see in the final photos is the mental battle it took me to get there.
To make it to the 8am photo shoot, I had to wake up at 5am, not to do hair or makeup, but just to be able to function. The antipsychotics I take at night are heavily sedating, and their effects last well into the morning. I needed those extra hours just to fight through the haze: waiting for my speech to return to normal, for the dizziness to fade, and for my mind to catch up with my body. It wasn’t glamorous. It was slow, shaky, and filled with uncertainty. I also took doctor prescribed Va**um throughout the day to help me manage the panic attacks from intense social anxiety. During all this, I was also experiencing auditory hallucinations, which I kept to myself.
I’ve been told, “you don’t look sick.” But not all illnesses are visible. Sometimes this looks like pushing through layers of medication and fear just to show up.
And still, I loved it. The team, and the photographers at .gi and the person I modelled along side were so kind, patient, and supportive. Their energy made all the difference. Without them, this shoot wouldn’t have been possible. I was so grateful to be working with such a fantastic team and given the chance I’d definitely do it all over again!
To anyone living with mental illness: you can still show up, still create, still succeed, just maybe on your own terms. And that’s more than enough 💚
gi
