22/08/2026
With the return to school getting closer, I wanted to share a little of what school anxiety can actually look like for us 🫶🏻
Every child experiences anxiety differently. It doesn’t always look like refusing to go to school or crying at the gates. Sometimes the child who looks completely fine in school is using every bit of energy they have to hold themselves together.
For us, it can look like…
Physical feelings so tummy aches, butterflies and suddenly needing the toilet in school first thing. One of our biggest struggles has been using the toilet in school before class, she will hold it until break rather than ask to go, and sometimes in the morning I physically have to bring her to the toilet before I leave.
Difficult mornings so not every morning, and sometimes weeks can pass without any difficulty. But occasionally, getting ready or saying goodbye suddenly feels much harder.
The endless “what ifs” especially when something changes in her normal school routine. Someone new visiting the classroom, a different activity or simply not knowing exactly what is happening can bring endless questions, sometimes starting the night before.
Reassurance, who will be there? What will happen? What if I do something wrong? Again, usually when something feels new or unfamiliar.
Sleep difficulties we only really experience this when there’s a change coming. Routine helps us massively. Summer has completely knocked our normal routine, so getting back into it next week will probably take a little patience!
Irritability and overwhelm after school, this is a big one. She can hold everything together all day and then come home and release it. Everything can annoy her. There can be tears or meltdowns over something that appears tiny.
At one stage, her anxiety also showed through skin picking until she drew blood. Thankfully, we have this much more under control now, but we struggled with it for a long time.
Fear of getting things wrong, she likes everything to be perfect, with homework, she sometimes won’t let me cross out a wrong answer because she’s afraid she’ll get into trouble for getting it wrong.
There have been evenings I’ve chosen not to continue with homework because the fear, frustration and overwhelm simply weren’t worth it. She’s already spent an entire day learning. As she gets older, we’ll navigate that differently where necessary.
And probably the biggest one for us…MASKING!
I hear, “She’s great in school. We have no concerns.”and don’t get me wrong I completely believe it.
But it can also become frustrating when there isn’t enough understanding around childhood anxiety and masking, she will do everything she possibly can to be good, follow the rules and stay out of trouble. It’s amazing how their little brains work.
Then she’ll come home and tell me another child punched her on the back or wouldn’t let her come out of the bathroom, but she didn’t tell the teacher because she was afraid she would get into trouble or that the other child would!
That’s the part of masking that teachers, professionals and even parents don’t necessarily get to see.
I’m very lucky that she has the vocabulary to come home and explain these things to me. It has taught me to really listen to what our children tell us about their day, even when everything appears perfectly fine from the outside.
Then there’s the exhaustion afterwards.
Some days she’s happy and completely herself. Other days she’s emotional, irritable, overwhelmed or simply exhausted from holding everything together.
If she comes back to my afterschool afterwards, somewhere she feels completely safe, it’s almost like the pressure is released, that’s where we can see the energy, the silliness, the calm and sometimes the meltdowns, she knows the staff, she trusts them and is comfortable around them, she isn’t frightened to be herself.
It’s funny how it works.
From the outside, some of those behaviours could easily be seen as simply “behavioural.” I’ve questioned it myself.
I’ve questioned myself too. Is it me? Have I let her away with too much? Am I getting this completely wrong?
But I’ve learned that behaviour and anxiety aren’t always separate things. Sometimes what looks like difficult behaviour is a child finally releasing everything they’ve worked so hard to contain.
We do NOT experience all of these things every day.
That’s so important for me to say.
She loves school. She has brilliant days. She has made amazing friendships and loves her teachers. She has come so far. Anxiety isn’t necessarily constant, sometimes it appears when routines change, expectations feel uncertain or something unfamiliar is coming, it dosent just happen in school, but at gymnastics, Irish dancing etc!
I’m sharing our experience because another parent might be looking at their child and wondering the same things I have.
With children returning to school, nursery and childcare, remember that bravery doesn’t always mean not being scared.
Sometimes bravery is walking through that door with a tummy full of butterflies 🦋
That’s exactly why I wrote I Can Be Brave Without You, because I’ve seen these big feelings from both sides, as a childcare provider and as a mammy.
Here’s to gentle mornings, brave goodbyes, understanding teachers, patient parents, safe spaces and lots of happy reunions 🫶🏻
One day at a time. Every little brave step counts 🪄✨
