20/03/2024
Revised version
Have you ever had one of those days of wet English rainy weather, when you’re still in bed, you look out of your window and all you see is grey skies and raindrops on the window panes.
You let out a big sigh and instead of wanting to get up and enjoy the world, you’d rather pull the quilt over your head and avoid facing anything at all?
How many days did you wake up after another fight with him, another time he let you down, or in thedays straight after your relationship ended, when the sun was shining but it may as well have been pouring down with rain
Because you felt so hurt, angry and let down all you wanted to do was pull the duvet back over your head and stay in bed, so you didn’t have to face anyone
Then, day by day, you started to feel better, working on yourself, through the fear, the tears, the anger and frustration.
Some days you were hanging on by the skin of your teeth
Some days you had a gap of a few minutes, maybe if were lucky it was an hour,
when your heart wasn’t breaking to pieces,
when your breathing didn’t choke in your throat,
when the memories didn’t flood your head and want to make you dial his number.
It felt like he was inside your head.
You could hear him, as if he was standing next to you
you could smell his perfume
He was under your skin
He was into your head
He was in your soul
Like a spell
Like a curse that couldn’t be broken
It was suffocating
It was scary
You felt you’ll never be able to get rid of his memory, the dreams you dreamt together, the destruction he left behind
You started looking back and see you’ve been convincing yourself that he was a good man and that he meant what he said
Finally you started seeing the lies behind his words
These were the days of “no way! How could I be so stupid? Why didn’t I see that?
Why didn’t I see it coming?
Why?”
There were a thousand questions and not enough answers.
“May be it’s because…no, it cannot be!”
Because you could have never done to him what he did to you
You couldn’t get your head around it
So here you are now!
This is when you need the external help
Someone who can show you the wood from the trees
Someone who has been there before you and can help guide you out of this deep dark hole you’re finding yourself in
It’s ok to go to someone who can help you put the pieces of your heart back together and
It’s ok to ask for help while you’re doing it!
If you’re ready to move on from the toxic relationship with your ex but the hurt, anger and confusion is still eating away at you and you’re struggling to get over them, DM me the word “ESCAPE” for details of my 1-1 The Listening power hour call
