11/08/2026
This isn't standard fare, but neither is femicide.
Or a Women's Day where an entire country of women live in constant fear.
Or the insidious stain of gender-based violence bloodying childbirth, an experience that should be, at its most basic, safe and clean, not dangerous, or terrifying, or life-threatening.
Colleagues, friends, if your experience of childbirth was not ruined by negligent, rogue medical practitioners, then my essay might not resonate with you.
It’s probably difficult to fathom labour — a natural process that can actually feel enormously empowering, as the start of mine truly was — as a threat to one’s life and health ever after.
If your gynae or midwife was kind and honoured your body, offered care that was appropriate and consensual, listened to your pain and kept you safe, then it might be tough imagining that rogue medical practitioners can also enact monstrous violence on labouring women.
Like a scar that knits over a wound, my body clings to many memories from the night of 23 September 2015, and the morning that followed during which my precious, beautiful son was born, Heritage Day in South Africa, the very reason why we are alive (no traffic — we could speed to the hospital as I’d begged for).
And as a scar reminds us, I am at once healed, and at once injured, and none of this makes me bad, or shameful, or “too much”, as I’ve consistently been told since I began to speak and write about C-PTSD and post-partum mental illness related to medical negligence and obstetric violence.
I've given talks to medical students at the University of Cape Town, where a fourth-year male student rushed to me after, sobbing uncontrollably, to thank me for helping him see that "women in labour aren't just bodies".
That said women should be asked before an internal.
That any of it should be consensual.
I've packed venues and book launches because I am open to speaking about something so taboo, that women across the world in fact, the United Kingdom and South Africa included, are encouraged to shut up about.
I have never been good at keeping my mouth shut, in professional or personal settings, and I suppose that's why, post-Women's Day, the 70th anniversary of it too, I refuse to let time or distance (or stigma) frighten me from sharing a truth that might help another mother who thought she was alone.
That it was her fault.
Quick one, honey: it's not. It never was. 🩵
🔗 Obstetric violence IS gender-based violence: https://substack.com/home/post/p-210499678