23/08/2026
Euphoria on Rolls Street.
By Twammers.
I left-
full of energy, a sixteen mile ride ahead of me.
A circuit of the city, midnight air, cool and mildly misty.
Fairwater, Canton, Riverside, Town,
over to Whitchurch via Rumney and Adamsdown.
Chilled with me mate, 'til it got rather late.
Said my goodbyes and took flight,
Arrived home and something wasn't right.
Empty pockets, bag refused to jangle!
Where the f**k are my keys?
I'm not even spangled?
I pat myself down in that way that we do.
I was at Marks place-
they are there, I want to assume!
I cant be sure though...
"Marko? You got my keys are kid?"
I wait, breath baited but alas, it's a no and I am left frustrated, gutted and f**king deflated.
It dawns on me-
They could literally be anywhere around that sixteen mile route!
This time I have f**ked myself over an absolute beaut!
I waste no time, a potential reverse sixteen mile journey begins-
all I can do is muster up a grin
and get stuck in!
I ride slowly, retracing revolutions.
Trying to remain focussed,
craving keys like some kind of locust.
Staring at the road and in the gutter-
the odd can or v**e causes a flutter,
until i get close and no keys;
"For F**k Sake" I mutter.
I follow my phantom trail in the dark,
twelve miles to no avail; s**t is looking stark.
Newport road petrol station where i bought Chocolate Fingers? Salvation? Hope lingers...
"Keys handed in bro?"
That'll be a big fat no.
Oh no!
Onwards through town I go...
Dark streets of Riverside, in my immediate
future as I dodge hobos and rogue imitation UBERs.
I arrive at the spot where I saw my mate Steve, where i got off, four hours previous that eve.
I have a feeling, and look to the gutter.
There, pristine in a bed of leaves
Seemingly glowing, You got it-
"My keys! Motherf**ker!!"
Suddenly hours of pure dread are released!
I breathe deep!! Proper sighs of relief!
I realise, keys slipped out during my dismount.
My cheap earphones, almost a costly discount!
I ride like wind toward home on a buzz.
No climbing through windows in a street full of fuzz.
I don't have to wake my mates up, or sleep in a shed.
I've done thirty two f**king miles;
All I need
is w**d and bed.
