05/07/2024
This isn't something I would normally do but I am feeling that good and positive about myself lately that I am ready to share why I have been missing from social networking and posting alot less on my personal page.
The pictures you see are just over 1 and a half years apart... no bull s**t I cried when I see these.
I let all my past trauma and emotions take a hold of me and It dictated how I lived my life, my head was a mess, self confidence had faded. I didn't confront the issues. I lost myself to a point where I didn't even know who I was anymore...I hid away because my past and my head left me feeling worthless, no good for anything. That there wasn't a place for me in this world. I didn't matter. I gave up it's as simple as that.
But I did something in the hope that I could help people and make sure no one ever felt like I did, give them support and a place to forget about the real world.
I started streaming and put everything in to it and helped alot of people along the way, I am very very proud of that..I actually did something that took off and made a difference to people lives in a positive way, even when people said I would never make anything of it...I did it tho 😜
The fact is, it wasn't just a place I was giving others to hide from the world...I was hiding from the world and how I felt behind closed doors. Where nobody could see.
I was 100% genuine when I wanted to help people but I also factor in that it made me feel better about myself too, when I can help someone flip a mind set and start to think positive again was an amazing feeling and still is to this day.
But in hiding in the world I had created for me and others I lost myself to a point you can see in these pictures, I am poorly as f**k and it shatters my soul to see it.
What you see in one of the pictures is 5 years of me neglecting myself, my mind set and forgot about selfcare i had destroyed myself. The happy bubbly lad that I Once Was had gone in what seemed like a blink of an eye.
Changes needed to be made big time and I knew it.
I decided to stop streaming and take time for myself and confront my past issues and hand on heart it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It's not a physical thing it's a mental thing and it required a strength that I didn't think I had.
What I am trying to say, look at how bad I was you can see it. Please don't ever run from things and hide away like me.
Take time for you! And yeah not everyone will understand the things you have to do on your healing process and that's ok.
As long as you keep pushing to understand your self and find the spark that was once there, then you are winning!
I am lucky to have a great family, friends and an amazing girlfriend that have all stuck with me at my lowest ever.
The changes I made, as you can see are good changes. Its paid off and I am at the rebuilding stage of my life. I feel absolutely amazing about my future. I am actually starting to like who I am and owning that s**t💪😜
It's not all sun shine and rainbows by any means, but I am happy.
I hope people that know me and have wondered where I have gone can read this and understand why I had to stop streaming, it just had to be done.
The pictures don't lie.
To my followers on my page...I appreciate you all so much and I am grateful for the time spent with you all, building an awesome community together.
Thank you.
Take care of your mind, its your greatest tool.
