21/07/2025
HALIFAX, WEST YORKSHIRE —
In a move described by no one as “long overdue,” Calderdale Council has announced the launch of the UK’s first-ever Festival of Roadworks, a week-long celebration of cones, confusion, and collective municipal shrugging.
The event, set beneath the Dean Clough flyover, kicks off with a ceremonial first dig of the same hole, performed by a specially decorated digger named Sir Scoop-a-Lot. Local schoolchildren will sing “Highway to Hell” accompanied by a brass band.
Festival highlights include:
• Live music from tribute acts including The Rolling Cones and Blurred Signs
• Commemorative cones (available in glow-in-the-dark and vegan leather)
• A family-friendly Cone Toss Arena with a free ticket to Wainhouse tower as the first prize
Attendees can enjoy artisanal pothole-mapping, emotional infrastructure poetry, and free tote bags printed with the slogan:
“I Survived the Halifax road closures .”
Food vendors will offer local delicacies such as JCB-sized Yorkshire puddings and Gravel-In-A-Bun™. Council officials say road closures will be “kept to a minimum,” though Google Maps has already declared the entire region a cul-de-sac.
One official said, “We wanted to turn frustration into festival. If you can’t fix it, brand it.”
Bucket hats strongly encouraged. High-vis fashion compulsory.
More to follow.
