16/05/2024
With this week being Mental Health Awareness Week I felt there was no better time to be honest about my own mental health struggles. Lets face it, it's never easy to share these things for fear that people will view you differently.
My problems really started when I was in a difficult marriage at a young age - that was my first real taste of depression and anxiety. The panic attacks would control my life which fed the depression. During the breakdown of my marriage I totally lost myself. I felt worthless, a complete failure and so ashamed. Like so many people, I know those days when you wake up in the morning with a sense of dread and don't know how you will survive the day. Fortunately for me, I was blessed with an amazing family, supportive friends and eventually met my second husband who helped build me back up.
There have been various things in my life that have triggered my depression and anxiety and I think I have to accept that my mental health is always going to play a part in my life and even when life is good, it can still rear it's ugly head. At the moment I am navigating the menopause - which is a real s**t show! 🤣 I'm losing my mind!!!
I guess I wanted to share this because on the outside I might look like I have my s**t together. I wear nice dresses, get glammed up and put a smile on my face, but that hides a multitude of struggles. That is my armour and stops people seeing the broken person inside. Like many, I am riddled with insecurities. Often when people talk to me, I am shrinking inside, worried that I am boring or wasting their time. I think we are all battling our own demons and all cope with things in different ways. We just need to be kind to each-other.
Creativity has always been my "safe space". Somewhere to escape to when my mind is screaming at me. When I'm thinking about colours and composition, I'm not thinking about what is bothering me. I think creativity, in whatever form, is such a tonic for the soul and can really help.
Finally, if you're struggling, please don't be afraid to ask for help. Nobody chooses to feel this way! ❤️
