The Ashendon Anemometer

21/05/2026

Welcome to the Ashendon Anemometer
As at the 21st May, 2026.

we apologise for the transmission outage last month due to circumstances beyond our ken.

Are you sitting comfortably? Yes, I am too...still with jumper and a lap full of cat, awaiting that promised sunshine. The AA'S senior management returned last week from an attempt at Northern Lights observation in its natural Nordic habitat, though were foiled by much cloud. Bits of that elusive northern sun did peek through but also failed to get the air much above 10degrees as it seemed to enjoy lurking slightly above freezing. The clear air was amazing.(..see photo online.) I'll briefly mention that Red Aurora alerts are still regularly pinging off on my phone and I did catch very faint glimpse here, using my phone on Friday the 15th.

This months maximum gust was at 32.9 mph on the 29th, when it hung about puffing above 30mph from morning till tea time. Still, not quite the quality of 70 mph gusts in which we Ashendonians have excelled!

The rain gauge is perking up, recording 30.8mm or 0.017 of a faðmr as our once familiar Viking tourists visitors would have recognised ( tourist=horde). The AA'S local farming source acknowledges that we have enough ground water but could do with a bit more sun as temperatures have been lower than average.

The AA'S Bergen sojourn was accompanied by Mr Moriarty's week long expedition /reign of terror trying to assert territorial rights over Lower Policott. Mr 'bold as brass' is not making friends by emulating Erickson the Vikings approach to influencing inhabitants, we only wish he was more of a Thor Nogson, a la Noggin the Nog. We can say Moriartymetrics are high, if not overflowing while attempting to extend his túnlengd ( homefield). However, like his AA predecessor, the nomenclature "death of rabbits" is being regularly asserted. If only I had a camera handy at the moment a box of Felix Tastey Shreds was assailed and a dangling unopened packet proudly carried (rabbit like) lairward, prior to expert Bengal-penknife kit evisceration.

Amid all the excitement, observing dutifuly in the background, Admiral Fitzroy’s ever prescient precipitation prognosticator ( OK, OK, I heard you, no more Alliteration, I promise!!!!) showing slight fluffiness but with predominately diamond clear crystals...the harbinger of clear skies and much sunshine -the BBC descendants of Mr Fish do agree!

Air Quality indications at headquarters, are at a moderate 26 right now, having risen from an excellent 17 overnight ( I wonder if this is what the stormglass is Reflecting?) , Bergen almost parallels us exactly. Milton Keynes knocks the spots off at 19 and Tehran is at a pretty bad 168, having fallen from the airpocalyptic heights of 213 a few hours ago. I could mention "an ill wind", however, I'm not sure if that product origionates in a distinctly sulferous orange plume to our west. But it's bound to be the most greatest bestest “plume” ever...and I quote... "Under the green new deal, they don't like clean beautiful natural gas, The green new deal don't know what they like." The origin of that natural gas is not disputed. I do dispute the use of the word 'clean' linked to anything remotely Trumpesque.

Incidentally, the most prolific example of nominative determinism if ever there was. I rest my case.

Well, time to sum up this month....

Max Gust...32.9 mph -A low blow, considering past triumphs.
Sorry- no Beaufort observation due to Viking excsursion.
Rain Gauge...30.8 mm -'Farmore' than expected?
Again apologies for loss of pun quality
Moriartiness...10+ rising steadily -His popularity meanwhile plumetting.
AQI...26 -Moderately good but exceedingly good compared with Trumpeting elsewhere.
Stormglass...clarity incarnate -Enigmatic prognositcations proliferate
( Yes- you caught me alright! About that promise, I just forgot)

That's all from me Richard Phillips, 158m ASL, recovering slowly from a shandyless Norway. They do understand excellent water purity there, which may account for their appalling ability to produce water based drinks with any additives like tea or coffee. What passes for milk there is also interesting. However, the lemonade absent local Hansa Lager was a pleasant surprise.
The enigma of their strictly enforced ultra green enviroment founded on export of the world's most prolific polutant is strangely not raised in general conversation there either.

Bye!

05/05/2026

https://therichardphillips.podbean.com/e/the-ashendon-anemometer-as-at-april-19th-2026/

This episode contains an active animal, two dead rabbits and a surprising amount of pollution.

05/05/2026

This episode contains an active animal, two dead rabbits and a surprising amount of pollution.

24/04/2026

Welcome to the Ashendon Anemometer
As at the 19th April, 2026.

Are you sitting comfortably? That’s excellent. I was but got interrupted by the offer of two rabbits. Obviously wasn’t quick enough with the ”As Good As It Looks“ tasty shreds this morning. Suffice to say the Barometric Bengal is back, fighting fit and the rabbits are loosing. Oy!!! Total cheek… he’s full up and taken over the sofa now. Am I making this up?? A photograph is worth….Oh!...just see for yourselves online!

The maximum gust this month was 42.3 mph on the 13th but two peaks in the previous two weeks got within 1 mph of that - things are getting distinctly more Ashendonian .
Beaufort telltales would be a very reticent cat, on all the peaks doing "stay-at-homes" or u turns as soon as the tail exited the garden door. Wind blowing the fur the wrong way, etc. A U-shapped cat in action is a very difficult photographic challenge, by the way. I'll give it 5 .

The rain gauge showed it wasn’t entirely missed by recording 12.3mm. Two thirds of which fell on the 13th. That will be 3.99 x 10 to the minus 19th of a parsec....honouring the return of Artemis & its furthest voyaging crew (but you knew that).

Air quality (AQI ) here is good... at 21. Delhi as usual takes the most shamed at 218 with Bejing close on its tail at 200. Tehran is still reporting ,recording a poor 86. Washington , a not so good 51 but strangely that doesn't record the overwhelming orange detritus which seems to have stained the US atmosphere.

The ever precient admirable Admiral Fitzroy's stormglass shows a low cloudy presence yet no orange occlusion despite the pervasive orange interference in our fuel supplies. I am hoping its usual predictiveness a good omen. ( Not optimistic .)

Red Auroral alerts still abound. Occasional faint Auroral glows visible some nights. The AA's senior management team is putting the Barometric Bengal on neighbourhood feeder next month and going under Nordic skys, to see for themselves. They also have arranged a further observation expedition for the 12th of August in Bilbao. The last time there, spotting Pierce Brosnan filming "The World Is Not Enough" at the Guggenheim. That will be 100% eclipsed in this this visit ! (So...Now you know why?)

Moriarty metrics, as you have already gathered have been on the up. A mile range for Mr M is a decent feat...err... Perhaps I mean paws...when on a stopover mission in Lower Pollicott . Paws, pause, feet, feat. Ok, you got it already! Anyway, I'm sure this harbingers good weather.

Here are the months figures.-

Max Gust - 42.3mph Normal service resumed?
Beaufort - 5 ( specially imported for all vintage Juke Box Jury Fans)
Rain Gauge 12.3mm . Gratefully (Arte)missed.
AQI - 21. Ashendon celebrates . Delhi's dismal.
Stormglass. Outlook orange free...that would be good.
Red Alerts. - Multiple. Still coming in. Keep looking up. (Advice... Observe only projected sun on 12/08/26)
Moriarty meter - ranging wide - ( hunting alert, look away now) 2 rabbits most days.

Well, that's all from me , Richard Phillips, enigmatic as ever at 158m ASL. And at last enjoying patio poured shandy. Things are looking up- and you should too, especially come 12/08/26 , with appropriate precautions!

Bye!

03/04/2026

Welcome to the Ashendon Anemometer
As at 21st March 2026

Are you sitting comfortably? Me too, I’be just been enjoying a bit of sunshine on a dry bench in the garden- yes- at last!
A meaningful month indeed….do read on.

We’ve had intermittent sunshine in many ways at the AA’s headquarters. Shortly after signing off last months report, the Barometric Bengal, went AWOL. Thanks to the friends of the AA in Lower Pollicott, he was tracked down and reunited with several pouches of “Felix tasty shreds in gravy” before exiting the cat flap for further territorial expansion expeditions. His present range is about a mile, we await his next appearance with slightly more confidence than his last solo sojourn. Winchendon- Watch Out!

The maximum gust was 46mph at 10:30hrs on the 13th . Beaufort telltale’s involved some slightly mobile & one toppled garden chair…that’s a fair attempt at 8 but I’m rating that as an actual 7.

The Rain gauge managed 30mm Most of which fell on the 6/7th and 12/14th. That’s as near as dammit an inch and a tad in old money but enough to rain on several paraded pronouncements such as -to how well things are going in the Middle East, especially with the Orange Goblin’s astonishing achievements at hiking up oil prices in Ashendon.

Air quality in Ashendon has climbed to an immoderate 42, lagging very slightly behind Washington with its cloudy orange hued environs, at 50 aqi and Moscow with its slightly redder skies at 88.

Red alerts of the auroral kind have been closely encountered once more in England ( why did Ai correct this to “English”?…Auroras sign multi-lingually by nature) and more northerly skies, except for an unfortunate member of the AA’s honorary outreach team (bad news alert) who chanced on Reykjavik during about 3 days of white out. But ( good news follows) they got back before tier airline collapsed. It’s a fickle world.

Moriartyfication has also been somewhat fickle. He was off line for a fortnight, back on for a few days after victual top up, wound licking and much sleep, to be followed by yet another unexplained absence, before returning to his feeding trough. Loyalty, unlike with canines. , is not a quality usually associated with felines. After being given his own personal key to the AA’s electronic cat flap, we are hoping the infamous marauding
Black Tom cat will now have to settle for less places to leave his mark and Moriarty’s confidence will ascend once more.

Admiral Fitzroy’s ever prescient cloud confection has been showing clear liquid above a slight flocculation. So there you have it, clarity above fluffiness. I’m sure this is cat related rather than climatic; such is the amazing alchemy of the Stormglass!

Here’s this month’s data…

Max Gust 46mph… No one’s been swept off their feet
Beaufort 7… Musical chairs
Rain Gauge 30mm… inching upwards, tad, pole & perch to follow.
Stormglass fluffy flocculations…found feline, more magic!
Red Alerts… Still regular…Icelandic occlusions notwithstanding.
Moriartymeter 14days AWOL…Still responding rapidly to shredded Felix .

Well, that’s all from me Richard Phillips, 158m ASL relaxing after (1) reunification following catexit & (2) the discovery of an excellent shandy at the Prince of Wales, just behind the Imperial War Museum, who’s bangers and mash with onion gravy were top notch.
If we include the bangers and mash as a separate event , that’s three monumental moments.

Don’t Give Up. (Catexit)
Do Go.(I.W.M.)
& when threatened by sausages, Do give in.
(Mmmm. Mmm. Yumm)

Bye!