04/08/2023
August 4 | 04.08.2023
245 flowers for you fallen angels on August 4, 2020, at 6:07 pm.
For a long time, I hesitated to draw or express about that day. Maybe I was avoiding the pain, or perhaps I didn't want to add another August 4 post to our feeds. I tend to avoid the videos, to the point of deleting them from my phone. However, once I watch one video, I find myself getting drawn in, endlessly scrolling, watching the videos again, and learning more stories of the victims, and with it comes the guilt.
While working on this illustration, I couldn't simply think of just numbers; I wanted to remember their names, their stories. I wanted to honor each lost life, so with each flower I drew, I held their souls in my thoughts, which actually dragged me to scroll even more and try to learn more of their stories.
On August 4 2020, I was minding my own business after work, sitting at my desk, drawing, when suddenly my building started shaking. My first thought was, "Has war started? Was a bomb planted nearby? Where can I keep my mom safe?" With a shaking hand, I grabbed my phone, struggling to hit the buttons, I called my Dad to make sure he was okay. I looked outside my window and saw the world freeze for 30 seconds. Then, I saw the red cloud (I took that pic at 6:17pm). Later, I wanted to assure my brother, who lives abroad, that we were okay. 'We're okay, don't worry,'
I texted him. I didn't want him to open his phone and see the videos, only to feel helpless and distressed.
I could’ve lost my grandma, not for the first time btw, it is the third time she rebuilds her home because of explosions and bombings. I could’ve lost my uncle and his kids, I could’ve lost my friends who were driving and live in the area. I could’ve. But others did lose their grandmas, their uncles, their cousins, their friends.
3 years later, it still hurts like hell. I still can’t hear loud impulsive noises. 3 years later families of the victims are still fighting for the truth.
My heart and thoughts go with you, the sisters, the brothers, the fathers, the mothers, the grandfathers, the grandmothers, the friends, who are grieving❤️
Source of the names: the961
