05/11/2025
Dear Beloved,
This is the first time I haven’t talked to you for this long, and it feels strange. The silence has a weight to it — like something inside me keeps reaching out, then pulling back before it’s too late. I still check our chat, wanting to say something, but I stop myself every time.
I’ve finally accepted something I didn’t want to face — I’m not the person you wished for. You wanted someone who could give you comfort, consistency, peace, most important time. And I’ve been the opposite of that. I’ve been distant, distracted, caught up in my own storms.
I’m not proud of it. I just know it’s true. I care about you deeply, but I haven’t been able to show it the way you needed. I’m not the right person for you, not right now. I’m currently the most depressed person, trying to act okay every minutes. And somewhere inside me, I know that if I stay too close, I’ll only end up dragging you into my mess.
I’m not saying this because I stopped loving you. I’m saying it because I love you enough to step back. You deserve calm, not confusion. You deserve someone who makes you feel safe, not someone who’s always halfway here.
One month, two months from now, you’ll start to heal. You’ll smile without thinking about me. You’ll stop wondering what went wrong. You’ll find someone who gives you everything I couldn’t — and that’s exactly what I want for you.
I’ll keep loving you quietly. From afar. Grateful for what we had, and for everything you made me feel.
— Me