06/01/2020
GET HELP. This is my intention for the new year. The latter months of last year were bananas, so I haven't had time to sit down and figure out all my goals for 2020, but I have known for some time that my overarching focus for the year would be to get help. It sounds simple, but for me, it's one of the hardest things to do. I am a notorious do-it-yourself-er, in many, many aspects of the term. I tend to take on a lot, and most of the time it just seems easier to do things myself. Maybe I have a hard time trusting others. Maybe I'm too prideful. Maybe it's FOMO. But I've always, ALWAYS struggled with asking for help, and it's probably been my biggest downfall.
The past year held a lot of really amazing change for myself, my career, and my family. Still, this past year has been a struggle. While my work was the most fulfilling it's ever been, I was doing way too much of it. And it was taking all the fun parts of life away from me. All of the things I was responsible, both at work and at home felt like quicksand. I never felt "on top of things," ever. I fell in and out of depression. There were times I forgot how to "live." When I found out I was pregnant, I couldn't get excited, even though its something I wanted for years.
But this past year, I've also caught glimpses of what it's like when I DON'T do it all myself. (Spoiler alert: it's pretty great.) This new year feels like I'm finally able to resurface and start fresh, learn from my mistakes, and shape my life into what I want it to be. I want to keep growing Bardot Brush, I have a new baby on the way, I want to start experiencing the joyful aspects of life again, and I'm not going to be able to do it without help.
I want to get help and better systems for my business. I want to start going to therapy again. I need to rely on my support systems when I am postpartum. I need to get help with the kids. I need help to take better care of my body. I'm sure they'll be more. Most of all, I need to deprogram my tendency to resist help that is offered, as well as actively go out and seek the help I need. It won't be easy, but it will be necessary.