Thomas johnston memes for narcissistic teens

12/07/2024

Last night for a brief moment I considered quitting my job to participate in those experimental trials that pay 10-15k a pop for you to fly to Houston or Salt Lake City for a couple weeks and get injected with some cancer drug that has never been tested on humans so they can study its effects.

Now it’s Wednesday July 3rd, which is a normal work day and not one of the 90 days off I used to get as a kid because I’m not a kid any more I’m an adult and I go to work and so it’s 9:06 AM and I have about 20 minutes to stare at the notes app high on caffeine and be honest with myself before I have to go be dishonest all day for the 300th day in a row. Really probably the 3000th day in a row, but I guess I mean dishonest in this specific way.

02/07/2024

https://thomasjohnston.substack.com/p/i-am-greedy-i-want-money-only-money

Money

I want to have so much money I can fill a house with physical dollar bills and then set that entire house on fire and vlog the whole thing and make it all back in ad revenue like I’m Mr. Fu***ng Beast

27/06/2024

30/04/2024

here’s how i cheated on the SAT:

back in 2015 they gave all the students in the nation the same exact test. Standardized. Fair.

i lived in Hawaii, 6 hours behind Eastern Standard Time.

so I was just waking up as neurotic new york prep school nerds finished their exam and immediately took to now-dead forum collegeconfidential.com to discuss their answers.

i was there waiting on the other side of the screen soaking up every post of the discussion.

these threads raged on for hours. the community would settle on the correct answers. i would memorize them.

i went into the exam with a head full of answers: 42 miles per hour, 16 gallons of gasoline, superfluous not superficial, etc.

months later my test came back 98th percentile. mom cried tears of joy. i never told a soul.

22/02/2024

https://thomasjohnston.substack.com/p/oh-my-god

That feeling when you see someone from a long time ago, from a previous part of your life, in a different part of the world, spontaneously, unplanned, it’s amazing. We went to school together in LA and now I’m randomly seeing you at a coffee shop 3 minutes from my apartment in Seattle. Wow!

20/02/2024

Mid 30s tinder first date to my immediate left. I want to kill them both. So what do you do for work? They investigate each other: are you good enough for me. She speaks like a Kardashian but looks like a Jenner. Patronizing vocal fry. Male human: You need to be making her laugh. I want to turn and....

29/01/2024

me: hey you see that dollar on the ground?
him: yeah.
me: should i pick it up?
him: its fair game.
me: i don’t know, if its over a 20 ill take it.
him: i’m just gonna go for it
he picks it up. its a $100 bill
us: holy s**t
i look around, some security guards saw us pick it up but no one else
me: if we ask people if they dropped a hundred dollar bill, they’re just gonna say yes.
him: yeah. [he pockets it.]
me, a couple pained minutes later: can i…. have it?
him: why?
me: i want it. i think i need it more than you
him: you’re right. for being a good friend.
he hands it to me.
me: thank you so much
20 minutes later I venmo him $50 (we’re separately on the way home)
he likes my venmo payment.
The End.

21/06/2023

Hey guys
This page is really taking off. Love to see the good guys win in the end as always