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humorous short stories

27/09/2026

What is an interesting and lesser known fact about Elvis Presley?

Elvis was a black belt in karate. He always carried his certificate in his wallet. At concerts there were always some drunk looking for a fight, but Elvis never let his bodyguards go ahead of him. He would stand in front of the brawler, take out his black belt certificate from his wallet, proudly show it to the potential attacker, and then carefully put it back in his wallet. Only then would he give his bodyguards permission to beat him up. In the end, this reputation as an invincible karate fighter made the brawlers afraid of him and not dare to approach him.

19/09/2026

In The Godfather Part 2, why does Michael Corleone rudely speak Sicilian instead of English to Merle causing Connie to tell Al Neri to fix him a drink instead of speaking plainly to Merle directly?

For the simple reason that Michael Corleone is fed up with Merle drinking his cellar. He says it in Sicilian so that he doesn't understand what he's saying and so he doesn't tell Connie. (Michael fears his sister's tantrums more than a shooting.) It is then that Merle tells Michael about his desire to change s*x. Michael asks him what s*x he wants to change to. Merle responds that female s*x on the right side and male s*x on the left. (So far Merle hasn't quite fit into either s*x.) Upon hearing this, Connie bursts into tears because she would prefer it the other way around. Feeling disowned by Merle on her right half, she asks Al Neri to make her a drink. She pours poison into the glass and Merle drinks it in one gulp. But inexplicably it is Al Neri who instantly collapse.

15/09/2026

The Godfather: why did Vito never trust Hyman Roth?

At a mafia meeting in New Jersey, there was a raid and Don Vito took off his socks in protest. Well, someone stole his socks and now he can't wear shoes and he has to wear sandals even in winter. Days later he saw Hyman Roth wearing his socks. And he is supposed to trust him? Give him the socks back first! Then we'll see. On the other hand, Hyman Roth is not who he says he is. His real name is Lee Strasberg and he is not a gangster but a drama teacher. Quite rightly, Don Vito distrusts anyone who pretends to be a gangster. Who says he's not an undercover cop? Or an underwear seller... Suspiciously, since he has dealings with Roth, Don Vito has not stopped receiving wholesale offers for long underwear. But Don Vito would never enter into such a business. Of course, this creates enmities among the other families, but he is a man of principles.

NOTE THAT ROTH AND MICHAEL CORLEONE WEAR IDENTICAL SOCKS (BOTH BELONGING TO DON VITO. THE SHIRT THAT ROTH WEARS WAS ALSO DON VITO'S):

03/09/2026

Is Elvis Presley dead or alive?

I can reassure his fans: Elvis is alive and performing every night in a sort of Las Vegas on the planet Neptune in the midst of great success. During my thirteenth abduction, I was invited to the concert hall where he performs and I can say that he is in top form and remains as attractive as in his heyday... He has added new songs to his repertoire. When he saw me in the middle of the crowd of Neptunians, he got emotional and made me go up on stage. “Another Earthling,” he announced to the audience, and when he learned that I was from Tennessee he burst into tears. We sang a duet of “Return To Sender” to great applause, although I got tangled in a cable and suffered a slight electrocution… but that only added to the excitement of the event. Then he took me to see a little of the planet in the company of his new wife, a chubby-cheeked Neptunian (chubby cheeks are to male Neptunians what b***s are to Earthlings). I was invited to stay, but I didn't want to stop paying my debt to the Treasury, so here I am.

15/05/2026

What was the first thing Trump and Xi Jinping said to each other during the American president's official visit to China?

Jimping: Mr. Trump, where is your interpreter?

Trump: I don't need an interpreter. You can speak Chinese. I speak Chinese perfectly. Except for a few technical words.

Jimping: 哦真的嗎？我簡直不敢相信。

Trump: Txi pa lou tong xai kosiko so sa

Jimping: What did you say?

Trump: O si la kou pitiu kaso lakola

Jimping: I don't understand.

Trump: But man, don't you speak Chinese?

Jimping: 我是漢語文法書的作者。

Trump: Oi ja lush tin gol hus

Jimping: What?

Trump: Ha ja fe liko su lidi baru

Jimping: I don't understand.

Trump: You're the president of China and you don't understand Chinese? You should be ashamed of yourself.

Jimping: Where did you learn Chinese?

Trump: Everyone in America speaks Chinese. The secret is in pursing your lips. Like this, see? Li gu txi qun tan long. It's very easy. If you want, we can teach you. Marco! Rubio!

Rubio: Yes, Mr. President?

Trump: Teach this man Chinese, will you?

15/05/2026

What happened at the gala dinner hosted in Beijing by the Chinese president for president Trump?

Trump: Where are the forks, Rubio?

Rubio: I don't see any forks, Mr. President… Just these toothpicks.

Trump: Toothpicks, these sticks?... Ah, I see! You pierce the meat with the sticks!...

Rubio: Oops! But they don't pierce.

Trump: You have to sharpen them. Pass me the sharpener…

Rubio: Here you are, Mr. President.

Trump: What the…? This is bread, stupid!

Rubio: Well, I don't see a sharpener, Mr. President.

Trump: Waiter! The sharpener!

Waiter: Sharpener? What want sharpener for?

Trump: To sharpen these sticks.

Waiter: What want sharpen sticks for?

Trump: What do you think? To pierce the meat!

Waiter: Not pierce meat. You grab meat

Trump: Oh, I see, Rubio, you grab it with your fingers!... These Chinese are so uncivilized.

Rubio: Like in the Stone Age

09/05/2026

What did the N***s eat during WW2?

The following conversation between two SS officers was recorded in 1941 by an Allied spy in the Berlin restaurant preferred by the N**i leaders:

“Look at Goering. He’s fat like a zeppelin.”

“He has an obsession with German food.”

“What's wrong with German food?”

“Oh, nothing, nothing, it's just that all those sausages… Bratwursts, frankfurts, brühwursts, bockwursts… It's not a balanced diet”

“Maybe you would prefer a Jewish borscht…”

“Wha-what are you implying? I am German on all four sides. Can't a German like cabbage? Hi**er himself is a vegetarian."

“Are you kidding?”

“Here comes the waiter…”

"Okay, guys, what'll you have?"

“What does the führer usually have?”

“Raw beets. Raw cucumbers. Raw eggplants. Sometimes a cauliflower…”

“I thought that was for the inferior races.”

"On the contrary. Eating raw vegetables strengthens the A***n race and weakens the inferior races. War is not only fought on the front, you know!”

“Bring us some chard”

“Raw?”

"Of course!"

“A little boiled for me. I'm currently in the reserve, you know?”

09/05/2026

Was Himmler, to a large extent, the reason for the defeat of the N***s?

At the end of 1944 Himmler bet everything on a single card: the discovery of the Lance of Longinus. With his verbosity he convinced Hi**er that, to win the war, it was not necessary to do anything because an otter in the Teutoburg Forest had assured him that the Lance of Longinus was about to appear and that would change the course of the war. So all one had to do was wait. The two sat confidently in the Führerbunker to wait for the supernatural apparition. As the months passed, the thud of Allied bombing came closer and closer. In February of '45 Hi**er began to show signs of nervousness. Himmler's faith in the imminent apparition of the Lance, however, remained unshakable. One morning in early April, the two were sipping coffee while hearing the bombs falling. Suddenly Hi**er spat, dropped the newspaper and ran, calling for general mobilization... Pale, Himmler read the news: "Captured in the Teutoburg forest an allied spy disguised as an otter."

09/05/2026

Why does Hollywood star Angelina Jolie speak Russian? Are Angelina Jolie's father, mother or ancestors Russian?

This happened during the filming of 'Lara Croft: Tomb Raider.' Angelina was shooting the scene in which she climbs a pole to fight off the hysterical ants. Suddenly, instead of saying the line reviling the ants as planned in the script, she began to say incomprehensible things. The director interrupted filming, fearing that Angelina had suffered a stroke. As she continued to speak strangely, she was rushed to Cedars-Sinai Hospital, where she underwent a thorough examination. It was during the gynecological test that a Russian-born nurse recognized her native language. Everyone was stunned. This incident is just one of the long list of paranormal phenomena that have plagued Hollywood since its inception. We can recall that, during the filming of Bringing Up Baby, Cary Grant began levitating and had to be tied to a string like a balloon. More recently, during the filming of Contact, Matthew McConaughey's dentures flew out of his mouth and bit an extra, leading the actor to face a nasty lawsuit that was the talk of the tabloids.

09/05/2026

Is Angelina Jolie such a perfectionist when it comes to filming a scene that she becomes unbearable to work with, as director Lee Strasberg said?

Definitely. In a scene from ‘Original Sin’, Angelina Jolie had to say, “I can’t elop with you because my private parts are itching,” and then start jumping up and down. The director was happy with the first take, but Angelina was sure she could jump higher, so she made him redo the scene until she felt her jumps were high enough. When she was finally satisfied, she wanted to change her line, which she thought was silly. The director let her reshoot the scene with her saying, “I can’t juggle with you because the raccoons are pestering me.” Then she suggested bringing in seven or eight raccoons to make it look like they were pestering her, and the scene had to be reshot. Then she insisted that the raccoons jump along with her. Then the raccoons didn't jump high enough... The director, being a henpecked professional, agreed to everything. Finally, Angelina decided that the whole scene was a complete nonsense and had it cut from the film.

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