03/21/2020
Hi! It has been a while since I’ve posted! At the end of 2019, I realized I had completely lost my passion and drive for making art...my creativity had burnt out, as many creatives who turn their hobby into a business experience. I wasn’t enjoying it anymore, and I hadn’t been enjoying it for quite a while.
I became so wrapped up in the financial side. A common question I’m asked at events is “how many sales have you got so far?” This started to dig deep into my subconscious to the point where I felt terrible if an hour into an event I hadn’t made a sale. I started determining my worth based off of how many sales I got, how much money I made, how many compliments I received. If you’ve ever lived that way, you understand it is unhealthy mentally and it stunts your growth and creative expression.
I took a few months away from everything “business” to slow down. Not everyone has this luxury but because I also work full time elsewhere, I am able to set my business mostly aside if needed. And it was NEEDED!
Over the last couple months, my creativity has slowly trickled back. Writing ideas are popping up unexpectedly. The urge to paint and draw has returned. Excitement for the creative process is flowing through me.
This unicorn drawing is far more significant than it looks. For years I’ve been buying these copic markers. For years....and yet....this is the FIRST time I’ve used them. I paralyzed myself. I was so scared to use them and have my picture look terrible. And yes, I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. I definitely struggled at blending. I flicked marker drops onto the paper accidentally. I didn’t stay in the lines perfectly. It doesn’t look like what I imagined in my head. I won’t make money off of this drawing. But it doesn’t matter. Because I’ve thought about drawing a colourful unicorn head with these markers for months and months and I FINALLY DID IT!
Sometimes it takes stepping back, and releasing the pressure of other people’s expectations, to find yourself again. To find your creative passion again. It’s hard not to get caught up in the numbers, especially when your livelihood depends on it (which at this point mine does not so I can’t speak to that) but you MUST remember why you started. I believe in most cases, artists don’t start making art because they want to make money. They start making art because they love to create. There is a story, a painting, a drawing, a poem, a song that is inside of them and crying to be released. Please don’t stifle that because you are drowning in numbers, comparison and other people’s opinions of your worth. The world needs what you have to share.
Stay healthy, stay kind, and stay creative friends!
Xo
Kylie
