03/16/2026
Mom,
This month has felt heavier.
I’ve been off…sleep thin, creativity quiet, just a little unaligned.
✨
I can’t believe it’s been twelve years.
It still feels like yesterday I got the call that you were gone.
Some memories remain vivid; the disbelief, the weight of that day, the feeling of everything changing at once.
✨
So much shadow lived there. And yet somehow, even then, there was light….a small, stubborn light that refused to go out.
✨
Losing you ignited something in me.
Instead of staying the lost little girl, I said: okay… as hard as this is - let’s just do it. Ten years.
Hundreds of couples, families, and extraordinary humans I’ve had the honor to capture - because of your light.
✨
You were my muse before I even knew what that meant.
And somehow, you still are.
✨
In every story, every script, every frame I’ve ever held, and now in this chapter of my life…you’re there.
✨
You’re the sunbeam that hits my face when I need a hug.
The cardinal that appears before a shoot, as if to say, let’s go - you’ve got this. The wind that reminds me to keep going.
✨
This year feels different though.
✨
Paityn cried wishing she could meet her Nana Moe Moe, asking why you had to leave. And something in me shifted. Because grief changes shape.
✨
Some days it is love.
Some days it is anger.
Angry that addiction took you.
Angry that you aren’t here.
✨
But alongside that anger is knowing: you were more than the darkness that took you.
✨
I worry sometimes because I can’t remember your voice the way I used to. There aren’t many pictures, not many tangible pieces left to reach for, so what lives inside me feels sacred.
✨
Each year grief becomes a double-edged sword. Time carries me forward, but time also feels like the enemy,
because with it, some memories soften, blur, drift just out of reach. I’m afraid of losing you twice. You are no longer in the sharp details. But, I guess love changes form you are in the atmosphere of my life.
✨
In light.
In movement.
In instinct.
In the way I turn toward people with tenderness.
In the way I chose creation over collapse.
I miss you.
I forgive you.
I carry you.
Always. I love you! Hope your dancing in the sky💕
