04/15/2026
"If I had a solid sense of self in place when the illness started, I might have been better able to affirm that I wasn’t crazy and pathetic, and that my experience was real, even though it wasn’t showing up on tests. If I were not constantly gaslighting myself into contempt for my body and emotions already, I might have had more self-compassion and been able to grieve a loss without absorbing it as more shame. I might have been better able to discern what I was actually capable of. I might also have been better able to advocate for myself. As I was, however, arriving at the experience of invisible illness with shame already commanding my being, I internalized the invisible illness as another indicator of my wrongness."
Read Reflection:
Concerning health care, the thickening of shame, and two validations
