Stuart’s Deep Thoughts: Memoir of a Fish

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Stuart’s Log: 🐠 So today man was hinting around for another haircut. I could see woman’s face grimace in utter annoyance...
04/14/2023

Stuart’s Log: 🐠 So today man was hinting around for another haircut. I could see woman’s face grimace in utter annoyance at this semi-regular “chore” of sorts. She didn’t provide a decisive response. It got me to thinking about hair. What is the point to hair? Why don’t fish have hair? Although truth be told I find my grand, flowy fins much prettier than any hair. Humans think they are so superior because they have hair. The Cookie Monster doesn’t have hair. He has fur. I find him much more interesting and nicer than any human. I also noticed that the Old Man who visits has a very strange rectangular-like piece of hair almost in the middle of his face! I do like rectangles. Maybe I will call this “face rectangle”. Ha! And they all seem to have those two dark stripes above their eyes too. I can’t quite tell if it’s hair or not. Kooky.

12/03/2022

I have to apologize to all followers to this page! I know I have neglected it…..he can be found on Instagram at
I hope you are able to follow him there! 🐠

Stuart’s Log: 🐠 She still hasn’t cleaned the tank. She is so lazy. She can only ignore it for so long. Even she knows it...
09/27/2022

Stuart’s Log: 🐠 She still hasn’t cleaned the tank. She is so lazy. She can only ignore it for so long. Even she knows it has to be done eventually. And it is only she who will do it. I seen her show man her phone today, mumbling something about a “good deal” on some food. I think she was referring to some of those dreadful pellets they feed me daily. Man once again appealed on my behalf to incorporate some of that frozen food into the rotation. He explained that it’s not right denying me access to good food. She was quiet for a few seconds and it seemed as if she was considering his plea but with a death glare, turned down his request. Last night she ate some residual salt and vinegar chips left behind by a guest. One of her top three most hated flavours. A clear sign of desperation. She also consumed one of man’s Pepsis. I thought he was the guzzler but it’s actually her. I’m not sure but it looked like she didn’t even take a breath between sips. Man is watching baseball. I’m not fussy on that.

Stuart’s Log: 🐠 The incessant buzzing is back. There is no relief. I’ve heard woman remark to visitors that ”the tank” i...
09/27/2022

Stuart’s Log: 🐠 The incessant buzzing is back. There is no relief. I’ve heard woman remark to visitors that ”the tank” is way overdue for a cleaning and water change. However, she has made no attempts to actually clean it. The heater is almost falling down due to the low water level and I can see some algae building up on the glass. It’s starting to obstruct my view. She has time in the evening when boy and girl go to sleep but instead she chooses to sit down for hours doing something at the table. She emerges every now and then in the doorway, proudly showing man her latest creation. Usually a round object full of colors. I know man has zero interest in whatever it is she displays but night after night he has to put on a smile while praising her efforts and give her accolades by telling her how talented she is. This seems to please her and she then goes back and leaves him alone to watch his show. This must be a tactic on his part. Sesame Street is on and tonight there was a segment on the Super Grover character. We learned about what floats in water.

Stuart’s Log: 🐠 It was another rainy day. They were gone for part of the day so I was thankful for the peace and quiet t...
09/27/2022

Stuart’s Log: 🐠 It was another rainy day. They were gone for part of the day so I was thankful for the peace and quiet to do some reflection. Man asked woman if she fed me when he got up. The answer of course was a hard no. He proceeded to feed me and gave me an extra pellet. I appreciated that. But would still like some of that good frozen food they used to give me. But nnnnoooooooooo! “Ooooh! I’m woman, no frozen food! It causes the bloom!!!!” Man has no choice but to comply with her demands. Holding the fact that he does not clean the tank ever against him, threatening him that if the water turns green, he has to clean it. He dares not risk it. I seen him sneak in one of his "power snoozes" on th couch yesterday. But to my surprise, woman was fully aware. This morning, he also slept in later than usual. After he sauntered out to the living area, I heard him ask woman why she “let him” sleep so late. She turned to him with a smirk moreso than a smile and said she just wanted to be nice. It was perplexing. I could see his face. It was clear he was also baffled at her reaction, or lack thereof. My suspicion is that she is not doing this to be nice on any level. I am of the opinion she does this periodically but intentionally, to put him on edge and use it to her advantage as required to guilt him into doing things for her such as store runs and dishwashing. She does not do things to be nice. She has a hidden agenda I know it.

Stuart’s Log: 🐠 It has been an uneventful day for the most part. Woman’s complaining has subsided somewhat. But man know...
09/25/2022

Stuart’s Log: 🐠 It has been an uneventful day for the most part. Woman’s complaining has subsided somewhat. But man knows he will likely never hear the end of the final placement of the fridge. He knows woman has it put away in the deep recesses of her brain to bring up at a time convenient for her to make one of her “points”. Today I seen that man convinced her to ”help” him bring in food items to the fridge since it now operational. She was hesitant at first and asked for a rationale as to why he could not complete the task himself. Quite methodically, he listed his reasons why. One, it would be quicker. Two, she could make decisions about stuff to throw out. And three, she eats the food too. It was apparent she was not happy about this but knew she had no reasonable grounds to deny his request. They brought in most things from the old fridge but I did notice Kevin’s carcass was not returned. I’m quite concerned about the whereabouts of his remains and hope he was not flushed. To my knowledge, there is not even a picture taken of him. He was such a good tank mate. He shared the food equally. Helped clean rocks. And he even barely got in my way. I miss my buddy. I watched Ben and Hollys Little Kingdom tonight after Sesame Street. I liked their voices. It was a jolly good show.

Stuart’s Log: 🐠 The new fridge is finally in its place. However, it is jutting out from the wall much further than the l...
09/23/2022

Stuart’s Log: 🐠 The new fridge is finally in its place. However, it is jutting out from the wall much further than the last one. Man knew this was a possibility and had mulled over some options. They are scarce. Woman does not seem pleased but she told man she willing to accept it as is. She is sick and tired of “fridge runs”. Friday night Gorge fest 2022 will commence later. I haven’t seen them preparing the food items but did hear woman mention that she did not take out meat and she is not going to store. This automatically means man will have to make a trip to the store at some point early to mid-evening to retrieve the food items. I can’t help but watch every time. While it’s not something that would interest most, I find it fascinating how they each eat the dip in their own unique way. Man, kind of sits on an angle facing the dip and uses the orange crunchy things almost like a utensil, picking up said dip directly from the dish in which it was cooked and then proceeds to bring the smothered orange crispy thing to his mouth, and it disappears instantly. Woman on the other hand, delicately prepares her place just so, seated to the left of the dip dish and uses what I observe to be a “pre-scoop” technique, whereby unlike man, she uses a spoon to remove the dip from the dish, places (and dirts) a separate dish, then uses the same spoon to apply the dip onto a number of individual orange triangles at a time. She takes tiny sips of her her Gingerale in between eating chips while man usually guzzles his Pepsi as required. Can’t wait to watch Sesame Street later.

Do you have an Instagram account? Do you follow your friend Stuart ? Do you have an idea of “art” you think Stu might li...
09/23/2022

Do you have an Instagram account? Do you follow your friend Stuart ? Do you have an idea of “art” you think Stu might like? Starting this Sunday, Stu’s tank will feature art that is based on an idea suggested by an Instagram follower each week! You have to follow Stu on IG and comment on his post and your idea may be the one selected for his tank!

Stuart’s Log: 🐠 The saga continues. Woman told man she is fed up with ”fridge runs”. I’ve come to realize “fridge” is th...
09/22/2022

Stuart’s Log: 🐠 The saga continues. Woman told man she is fed up with ”fridge runs”. I’ve come to realize “fridge” is the real name of the grey cold box. After determining there is no other option, man reluctantly admitted a new “fridge” must be purchased. He first made sure it met woman’s specifications. Today, two other men (one being the same strange one from yesterday) were here helping man bring in the new said fridge. Woman wasn’t home to bark orders to tell the strange men or man how to lift. I heard man mock woman to the men because he’s good at doing “impressions” and it was rather entertaining. The men laughed. One quite loudly. He swore the men to secrecy. He also told the men to hurry along. He noted that while woman was in a seemingly good mood yesterday while the strange man was here, it was a sham. He knows the real woman and if she comes in without the work being done she could snap at any moment. He said he’s used to suffering her wrath but would like to save them from any tongue bashing she may decide to inflict. The men quickly got to work and made their way out of the house. Their quick escape was indicative that this is not their first time hearing of woman. They ran away in fear. Smart men. But poor man. He didn’t buy her a gingerale today either even though he is well supplied with Pepsi.

Stuart’s Log: 🐠 The big grey cold box is gone. Another strange man helped man take it out. I did not see the entire orde...
09/21/2022

Stuart’s Log: 🐠 The big grey cold box is gone. Another strange man helped man take it out. I did not see the entire ordeal unfold but I could hear man make some grunting noises as he hoisted it down the stairs. Woman looked on over the stairs right next to the tank. She was speaking in her “nice” voice, pretending to be helpful. Putting on a front for the stranger. Typical. The house is a disaster zone as per usual. This put the icing on the cake. But it does go with the kindergartenesque theme overall. Woman watched her show last night. She was vexed when she realized she forgot to give man her ginger ale on an earlier fridge run. Man offered to go get her a Pepsi. She reluctantly accepted it on the condition he retrieve it for her. This morning she regretted her decision to drink said pepsi at 9pm. Not doing it again she said. We know she will.

09/21/2022

Stuart is now on Instagram! Be sure to follow him at stuarts_log_talesfromthetank

Stuart’s Log: 🐠 So the big cold box is broken apparently. Woman has been in an intolerable bad mood as of late. She has ...
09/20/2022

Stuart’s Log: 🐠 So the big cold box is broken apparently. Woman has been in an intolerable bad mood as of late. She has been complaining excessively about the cold box. A strange man has been at the house looking at the big cold box. He came back today with some sort of part he said may fix it. Woman was hopeful as she complained to him (a literal stranger) about the price of new ones at local stores. She used the words horrendous and ridiculous. The unknown man seemingly acknowledged her plight and nodded his head in agreement. Clearly she has zero shame. They have been using a Pepsi flat to transport items back and fourth from inside the house to wherever they are temporarily storing their cold and frozen goods. Not sure how much longer this will continue but the news from the strange man did not seem favourable. Woman was in such a bad mood that man made special efforts to make her laugh. While she resisted at first, she couldn’t help but to succumb to his antics. He told woman be careful her face don’t crack or it might break. Did not know humans could crack their face. Despite the set back with the cold box, this won’t stop her from watching the last installment of her mind garbage tonight. Will Gabby and Rachel get the love they deserve on I’m sure she lost brain cells after watching this for a the last two months. Today she couldn’t find her sunglasses and they were on her shirt.

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