02/19/2022
Trump Hotel: Poorly Catered, Then It Cratered
Loser Trump International Hotel, Washington D.C. sold off due to bad taste
Trump must have gotten tired of winning as his ‘Crown Jewel’ hotel lost $70 million in just five years. Opened with a bang in 2016 after he won the presidential election, the Washington D.C. property became a gathering place for Trump bootlickers wishing to ingratiate themselves to him for personal gain.
With awesome financial opportunity from presidential influence peddling, it’s bewildering how Trump could lose money. Within 60 months, he butchered his own fatted calf. Today, you could shoot a cannon off in the lobby and no one would hear it.
Visitors scarcely complained about the price gouging, as many were paid lobbyists or foreign agents politicking on their government’s tab.
Soon to be defrocked of the ‘Trump’ name, the hotel is joining the Waldorf Astoria (Hilton) property portfolio. Their experienced managers know how to transform the hotel into a profitable one… start by removing the Trump stain.
Previous patrons proffered personal perspectives…
Apparently, hotel cuisine was a problem. Trump supporters wishing to curry favor got no curry flavor. Trump, so enamored with his own personal diet, believed guests would embrace it. He insisted his kitchen copy to a tee, his exact 6,000 calories daily diet on their room service menu, including offering faux versions of retail fast-foods. It read:
Trump International Hotel — Washington D.C. —
Room Service Menu
BREAKFAST (7:00am — 11:00am)
Egg Mogul-A-Muffin ………………………………………….. $25
Overlord Oatmeal …………………………….……………….. $21
Ceasar Coffee/Tycoon Tea………………………………………n/a
Diet Coke ………………………………………………………. $10
LUNCH (12:30pm — 3:00pm)
Monarch Meatloaf in a ‘Stormy’ bun (condoments optional).$28
Oligarch’s Favorite Borscht………………………………....... $21
Diet Coke ………………………………………………….…... $12
DINNER (5:30pm — 10:00pm)
Baron Burger with Fries …………………………...……..…..$32
Ivanka Fish Sandwich with Fries ………..…………………...$31
K. F. Conway Bucket of Chicken with Fries………………….$33
Potentate Pizza toppings, but no crust…………..…………..$28
Blackened Shah Steak with Fries — Grilled to Extinction…...$38
Czar’s Creamy Dressing with Small Side Salad……………...$29
Giuliani of Vegetables in Season………………(never in season)
Sultan’s Chocolate Sheik ……….……….……………….….. $15
Diet Coke ……………………………………………….…….. $14
SWEETS (Day or Night)
Build a Wall of Cherry-Vanilla Ice Cream served with
Caliph’s Chocolate Cream Pie……………..………………....$29
Diet Coke ………………………………………………….…. $16
SNACKS (Day or Night)
Great Lay’s Potato Chips…………..……….……………..…$15
Diet Coke ………………………………………………….....$18
BEDTIME (Anytime baby)
Majestic Moscow Tarts……….……..Hourly rates in rubles (₽)
Diet Coke …………………………………………………….$20
Kosher, gluten-free, vegan, dairy-free… available at other hotels. Consuming raw or undercooked meats, poultry, seafood, shellfish or eggs may increase your risk of foodborne illness. Worried? Eat elsewhere. For your convenience, a gratuity of 50% and $15 service charges plus applicable taxes will be added to your already inflated room tab. Secret Service pays full price.
Patrons were also offended by hotel signage:
When checking in, leave your values at the front desk.
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
When staying at the Trump Hotel, please take advantage of the chambermaid.
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