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03/01/2022

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15/06/2020

CHAPTER 8 CONTINUED

Arica waited for Dante to finish doing his shoe laces. It took him bits of seconds to undo them and tie them again in a knot that looked like a knot from a 3 year old kid. Still reaching out her hand to Dante to give him the money, Dante stood up from the seat and grabbed the lady's hand and walked past the front seats to get out from the bus. He put on a serious face to avoid the looks of the crowd in the bus. He pulled her through, more like they knew each other for too long. Arica followed her leader angrily and nearly tripped as she got off the bus. She too was astonished by the behavior that the stranger she just met probably two hours ago portrayed. And the other part of her was a bit angry whilst the other one was just so cool on it.
"what was that? " Arica asked. Her face on a little frown. She was trying by all means to scare him. But that did not move him a little, more like it was something he was already used to. Well he was getting used to it. Reminding himself that earlier today he was scolded by the same girl, who looked all so angry and furious. And it was not even the end of the day, but he already learnt that that little anger was just to scare people away. Which Dante thought it was maybe a good approach but it did not work on him anymore.
"am sorry. Am genuinely sorry that it happened. But i could not just let you go. Would you please understand ". Dante said. Sounding cool. His face with a little worry that made Arica's heart fill with pity. He wanted not to be guilt this time. But made it look like his acts were needed and of importance.
"did you really... I mean you could have just asked me to wait for you other than pulling me like that". Arica replied. She still held on tight to the frown on her face. Never wanting to lose it.
"i know... Ok like i said am sorry. But may i please have your name at least". He asked. A wave of shyness hitting on his tall and yet beautiful figure.
"Am Arica. Now can you leave me alone". She said, forcing him the money on his hands and turning her back on him.

A tight grip on Arica's long arms. It was from Dante for sure. Arica was tired with the whole drama of the day. She had already had enough of him and he was truly getting into her nerves. She stopped and took a glimpse at him. Surely to her he was just behaving like the Kasi guys which she hated with her whole heart.
"Arica please". A sweet voice broke from Dante. He was helplessly falling for Arica. At first sight. And within his heart and and soul he wanted and needed to enjoy the burning passion with her while it still lasts. He needed her to love him like crazy, to meet him half way. But it all appeared so dry, that his intentions were not same as his. A flicker of pain that was accompanied with disappointment ran through his chest. He was scared of the rejection that was about to pop up. He let his face down, feeling defeated. Yet too much fancy for the girl who was about to reject him for good still built its way in within him.
"i never meant to upset you. Maybe am too forward Arica. Please forgive me and thank you for giving me your name". His heart was thumbing hard, that it wanted to break off from his chest. Thats was all that he managed to say. Repeating and stressing the name 'Arica' as if it was a name that reminded him of something special. Arica looked at him. She got no words left to say to him. Her tongue was tied and again in just one day Dante surprised her. A phenomenon that she could not explain at the moment. She was scared and at the same time pleased for such a behavior. Awkward silence remained in between them as they stared at each other for long saying nothing. A truck came by, mr veg's truck and it covered them with dust from the dusty gravel road. A little cough that came from Arica could be heard and her curses and the driver. She opened her mouth in awe to the words she just spitted out. They were too full of vernom. Not suiting to be said by a girl of her type and class. Her eyes were still locked unto Dante's who at that time was amazed and startled by what just happened. He pulled out a handkerchief out of his pocket. White. Spotless. And he handed it over carefully go Arica who was probably suffering her lungs as she tried to breath through the dust. She grabbed it and covered her mouth. Unexpectedly Dante held her hand and pulled her in into his embrace. He could see that she was suffering and that was the least he could do. Arica did not chicken out this time, she let her little body rest in, in that comfortable embrace. She relaxed a little bit and listened to her heart beat against his. She let the fear of being held by a man's hand die and took advantage of the moment. The embrace grew tighter and tighter near the dusty road and she did not even dare to pull away from it. Truth was naked. She liked it where she was. But she was also afraid of letting him in. Dilemma. After the dust settled, he purposely let her out with a push but grabbed her shoulders. Making her face him. This time being so close Like someone who planned to give another a kiss.
"i wish it could be that way Arica. That i be the stranger you need in time of need Arica. I dont know but there is this feeling that is making me suffer ever since i met you Arica. That loves you and the same feeling is scared of you rejecting me Arica. But its okay. Remember me, i am Dante. Wish to see you around". He let his hands off him and waved at her to say good bye. Dante was finally giving up. Yet he was sure of what his heart wanted.

He took a few steps back to head to the other side of the village where he stayed. Arica was puzzled and did not know what to say. She did not want to miss on a good guy but also she was afraid of falling in love. Especially falling out of love with someone she once loved. What scared her the most was the fear that accompanied her when she thought of Jab Jab. That what if those feelings that she once had for him come and allure like bird of prey while she was already in a relationship. She was a girl who was stuck with an ex.
Arica let out a voice that was ashamed of her bad behavior towards Dante. "i too would love that Dante, but what if i told you am scared of the unknown ". Her voice was in a little shiver. Breaking at points. Dante turned to face her. Her face was in dismay, fear and worry. She looked like someone who was making a mistake. Scared of the outcomes. He came towards her and hugged her still.
"but you scared arent you? I want that fear to fade away... Let me take you home" Dante said, his heart racing. He took the bag off from her and they walked in complete silence to Arica's home that was only a few feets away.
"Bye bye i will come see you tomorrow " . Dante said as he handed him her bag at the gate. A nod came as a reply from Arica. She smiled at him as he turned away to head home. Arica opened the gate and went inside her uncle's place. Not even sure if his uncle was around at that time. She dragged her feet and dropped her back by the varendah and ran to use to pit latrine toilet at the back corner of their home. She did not even knock to check who was around but all she needed to do was to relief her self and maybe laugh at the decision she just took.

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06/06/2020

CHAPTER 8

She sat two seats away from Dante who at the moment smiled amicably to each and every glimpse he made on Arica. He had fallen in love. His smitten had gone deeper and his thoughts were all over the moon like someone who truly believed that the girl was his. Arica kept on looking at him, yet making sure that she was not caught admiring him. Dante was one man in a few. Those who looked handsome in each and every attire that they put on. More like they wore designer clothes. His body structure rough and bold and yet so cunning to call mistresses to his room. Dark skinned. Long teeth. Smile that was hotter than the sun's rays on a bad summer day. Eyes. Always thinned by his smile that he wore. One could not actually tell if they were big, normal or just little as chinese eyes could be. He was handsome. His sitting posture matched the seat that he was on, his fading dark skin that refused to be so black ran like coffee in short of milk but it matched him. He was indeed made with love and care, God took his time supposedly.
Dante watched Arica through their trip from Mochudi to mabalane. He was not ashamed of his thoughts, never cared if that was noticed too. In his head ran wild thoughts, the pictures of her with him. He would stop going to far by smiling at himself and raking his hands across his head. Like someone who regretted the things he did but within splits of minutes the same thoughts would repeat themselves, making him look like someone who lacked self control. He cleared his throat loudly to catch everyone's attention in the bus. It was an alluding action that wanted Arica's pinned on him. Maybe the little awkward feels that disturbed his peace could stop invading his mind. As expected everyone turned around to face him and see what was wrong. Arica turned her head back ward to face Dante and maybe to see what was wrong with her two minutes prince charming. A huge smile that exposed his whole teeth and gums greeted the whole people. With a wink that was deliberately directed to Arica who instantly parted her lips to show appreciation of such a stupid and yet a funny and moving story Dante had just created. A cloud of satisfaction covered his heart, he hoped that glitters of happiness that he saw from that careless smile could only be his and only him. He picked his phone from his pocket and went to his snap chat camera. Thinking the wrong again. Dante shot a picture of Arica from a distance, a smile quirked quickly from his lips. A perfect capture that she could keep a memento in his phone. A memory of something beautiful that he once met. He was not scared at all. Dante was so sure that he thought if Arica refused to his wooing he would keep on doing it or at least until she made him her best friend. Dante was positive. That though Arica seemed so strict and a kind of girl to be so loyal, he could obviously see through her eyes that a part of her was softened by his presence. Meanwhile on his Samsung S10 phone he was busy zooming on the photo he just took. It was perfect. It did not sure or rather expose her face but it was a picture suitable to be put on Art Galleries where da Vinci's art picture was stalled. A picture that maybe needed to be looked in a glass top box, the one that needed protection more like a national treasure. He stuck his eyes on the picture, his concentration so high like someone who wanted to pick the wrong out of something. Or maybe looking at something so that it may actually bore you. Something like that. But his look plucked out desire, adoration, love and jealousy that the precious thing he had fallen in love with at first sight might be taken.
"she aint a girl to be left single.. What are you thinking of Dante. She is beautiful cant you see. She down to each and low key. She a princess that you can not afford. The one that wears different tiaras on every separate day of a week. Stop wasting your fancy on someone like her. She is way too much out of your league. The not your type thing applies here Dante " Dante smiled at his last thought. Wondering why on earth is he having such a bad day of thoughts. A flicker of pain broke through his heart making him lose focus on the picture he was looking at.
"somebody is in love Lord " another thought ran through his mind. The one thought that sent him quivering and losing his mind. He wanted Arica so badly. But was afraid of getting rejected. What would he do with so much love that burnt flames in his heart?

Dante moved back on his seat and laid his back on the bus seat. "in every moment, for every reason-choose love". He muttered to himself. Shaking his head dejectedly like he was in an argument with someone. Surely he would choose love, rather than being afraid of rejection. It was love that made his thoughts go astray. And that same love would make him face Arica and tell her about his falling. That was what Dante believed. That he would rather be rejected than be disturbed by such a huge feeling of fancy that made his heart rush. A desire that needed an answer. "Maybe he too quick to judge" . He thought. Blinking tears that built up from a loud yawn he gave. He used his outer hand to brush the drop of tears that fell on his silicon touched cheek. Pursing his lips that were as heavy as calico his spirit filled with no sympathy for Arica. He was going to get her. Dante felt so callous and persistent on getting the girl he just met. The one girl who looked so catchy, stunning and beautiful with no disguise of a make up. A queen indeed.

Arica was half asleep when suddenly she felt a hard poke on her left shoulder. She opened her eyes thinking it was Dante whom she thought was too forward and his character matched not of a boy. However it matched that of a boy he would suddenly like and fall for within hours of meeting. Her eyes ran up to the tall figure that stood beside her quietly. Their gazes met, hers and that one of a bus conductor. The conductor said nothing at all to Arica but instead she shook the money back to notify Arica it was pay time. Arica je**ed aside to search for a note in her pockets. Being careful that she do not move too much lest she stain on her self. She was just about to give out a twenty p**a note to the conductor when suddenly a nice little rough voice interjected.
"i will pay". Dante said stretching his hand to Arica giving her a fifty p**a note to cover the both of them.
"Are you sure about this?" Arica asked. So stunned by the way this stranger behaved. She opened her left hand to accept the money from Dante. She held unto the note still not wanting to give it to the bus conductor. Her eyes were dug straight unto his face making no move. Arica wanted to be sure of the way these actions between them flowed. They stared at each other when finally the bus conductor pulled the note off Arica's fingers. She smiled at Arica who was still wowed by the conductor. Instead of giving Dante the change she again gave the thirty p**a change to Arica. Forcing it unto her fingers, with a little wink that told her stop 'chickening out, be a lady like we all are'. She accepted the money with hope that when they arrive she was going to give it back to the owner. Sir Dante. The gentle man. She smiled. Pleased by his actions.
"oh where are my manners! " Arica said replying to the quite silence that stood not so shy between them.
"thank you... Mmmmm. Mmm.. Dante. Yes dante. I hope i said your name right.". Arica continued, making sweet pauses between words to recall the name of the sweet stranger. Closing her and and opening them quickly after.
"you welcome". His voice hushed back. Sending goosebumps to the lady who was totally astonished by Dante's ways. He was too good to be single. At least that was what Arica thought to avoid the thought of him and her being together.

Uncontrollably her mind raced back to the older times when she had Jab Jab. The one guy she loved whole heartedly with no desire for any other boy that passed by. She wondered helplessly, knowing that he would have never paid a bus fare for him. Not even a taxi fare. The one guy who made her believe with no doubt that ladies should be independent and not depend on man. It was not a mistake that she was so moved by the way Dante treated her. Small things meant big on her. At least now she would stop judging the book by the cover. She had a million times pictured Jab Jab and Dante as one and same thing. They were both men. Who looked so attractive and charming. Arica so that a lot of things that Dante did never ceased to surprise her. All because she was not exposed to that, because her first lover Jab Jab was a player and not so sweet. She could feel anger grabbing her and choking her. Betrayal and hurt telling her that she had loved the wrong for long. A look of dismay hugged her face so tight. One more time she thought of dying. That death is one thing that could really help him vomit the pain that she drank from the calabash of untrustworthy that Jab Jab presented to her. But a little livelihood and hope appeared when he glanced at Dante. Not that she wanted Dante but one hope that men like Dante who treat a woman so fine are still available. Men that were taught from their backgrounds that a woman is a jewel. A diamond. A sapphire. A gemstone that glitters joy, respect and love when fully taken care off. Her thinking was disturbed by a call from Kayla. She picked a smile when picking it up. More like Kayla was present where she was and would ask her what's wrong if she doesnt smile. It lasted only a few minutes when Arica told Kayla she would call her back after she arrives home. She could not hear her very well due to the sounds that came from the old bus they were riding in. She could imagine herself telling Kayla or her mom Tanya about the boy she met. And how she would not let feelings of prey allure to what they built. Comforting them with actual words that she was not going back to Jab Jab. And a full story to her mom that she thinks she ready to date a different man who was not any closer same as her dad. Arica promised her self not to keep her hopes high and to play hard to get. That was when the bus approached a stop where she was supposed to drop off. She was preparing her inner self for the action of the day. Arica stood from her seat and walked over towards where the conductor was sitting. As she passed Dante she plucked her hands into her jeans to give him the change. A full ignorance came from Dante who made himself busy with the shoe laces.....

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30/05/2020

CHAPTER 7 CONTINUATION

She woke up from her nap in the bus only to find out that she had already missed the spot where she was supposed to stop. Blinking quickly and rubbing her hands on her eyes to wash away the blurriness of her eyes, she could feel her heart skipping up and down in fear. Mochudi was not the place that she actually knew but she could only tell bits of the village and not too much of its out skirts. The bus was not travelling at a higher speed, it was probably on 40 km per an hour she could tell. Arica rose from her seat and grabbed her bag recklessly. She nearly fell but managed to get her grip by holding on tight to the back of the seat in front of her. Scared of being lost in the place she did not know that much. Her behavior caught the people's attention that everybody was looking at her wondering what was she trying to do, standing up and trying to walk while the bus its in motion. She did not care much, she moved past the passenger next to her, brushing her legs over the other passenger's knee caps without even saying an excuse. The passenger je**ed away creating a space for the silly girl next to him pass. It was a bit annoying but he let her do her things. She was moving side by side nearly tripping over the bag's that were on the passage on the bus. She moved forward peeking a view through the front window screen searching for the next stop. A red road sign appeared at a distance at last. Her heart rate dropped a little. She harshly shouted for the driver to stop at the next stop. He gave her a sign using his thumb that he heard him. But Arica did not notice that. She screamed again now banging on the window that separated the passenger seats and the driver's seat. Everyone in the bus was left in awe. They all at once responded to her telling her to cool down and that the driver heard her very well. A bit of shame slapped her on her cheeks. To hide it she smiled like a crook and replied her sweetest 'okay' to the people in the bus. It was brought to a slack after a few seconds. Arica walked over the door, sounding so genteel as she said her thank you to the driver. It was clearly seen that her behavior that she had recently shown was to cover up for the imbecile character she had just shown the people.

Arica was at a stop that she was not familiar with. She could not point out which direction was she supposed to go. With her little confidence that was in shot she moved towards a nzamela lady nearby to ask for directions. She was so poor with starting a conversation that after her greetings to the old lady she had to quick recharge though it was not part of her plan. Thats when she asked the lady where were the mabalane and Sikwane buses stationed at. The nzamela lady pointed at an eastern part of the place,guiding her through a large not working building and some bit of chinese shops they saw at a distance. Relief filled up her soul. A large some of blood fell on her pad afterwards. She moved faster to the directions that the lady showed her. Unnoticeably she kept on touching her buttocks to see if she had not stained on her self. More like a teenage girl who had just learnt about her first menstruation. The thought of her having a stain on her pants made her laugh. She recalled the first time when she experienced that. That it was on a class room setting and how she had to screen for help thinking that she hurt herself. And months after that, how she would feel so left out when other kids play but she was afraid to play thinking that she might stain her self. Her thoughts were finally disturbed by a glimpse of man figure in front of her that seemed to walk in the same direction as her. She slowed down her pace after a wink she got from the same person. She did not want another phase of being asked, where do you live, whats your name, can i have your number. No. She was not ready for such. Had no confidence in addition to that, she was not sure of her state if she messed herself up or not. So she wanted to stranger in her life especially now. Abiding by her set girl's rule she walked helplessly dragging her feet. The stranger who now could not keep out his eyes off the slender figure he saw moved to a stop. He waited for Arica to come by, the person who seemed so uninterested. Arica walked still on her pace, her ideas of dodging the boy finally failing. She put a frown on her face to scare him away though she understood how this other gender could be so strong headed. He called her to a stop before he could finally ask her to help her with her bag.
"i dont need your help please". Arica replied rudely and not letting go off the frown she wore on her face. She did not even care to look up to see the eyes of the boy who was sincerely asking to help her. She walked passed him. A tight grip to Arica's bag handle brought her to a stop. Nearly falling over. Her back fell in to the man's arms, she could feel a cloud of furry building inside of her. But being well aware that people were watching the movie at present she did not get a chance to misbehave. It may had seemed at little romantic that she fell in his arms like in those American and Indian movies but Arica was not charmed. She found her steadiness before she started talking.

"what is all that? Please i dont want this to bring shame to any of us". Arica replied angrily this time. But something different caught her eye. She saw something in the boy's eyes. His face as it bent down to ask for forgiveness and shame for his ways.
"am really sorry. I never planned it that way. Am sorry". The stranger laid his eyes low as shame filled his eyes. Something that Arica never saw on Jab Jab. Her little fury was somehow masked with coldness. Her soul wondering if its true what her eyes saw. That indeed some man were truly willing to stop this chaos of woman abuse. Arica looked at him loosening her frown.
"its okay". She replied. Impressed of the behavior that had been portrayed. She quirked a smile before continuing with her walk. But a voice came up wanting to talk.
" can i help you with your bag please?" The same man asked. With a smile on his face.
"i dont trust you". Arica opined. Denying herself the fact that she viewed the boy's acts so catchy. Protecting her self again and again not to fall in love.
"i know this may be rude, but trust me". He sent a smile that opened wide Arica's heart with joy that she had not felt in a long time. His actions bombarding her with uneasiness. She wanted to gesticulate to that like a baby seeing its parent. But she hid it in within. She was walking more slowly now, enjoying the conversation with a stranger that she nearly hated just a few minutes back.
"i do not want to. Trust is not an easy thing to earn". Keeping it short and simple. Not wanting to be over hilarious with something she was not sure of. A wide grin of long teeth came from him. Parting his lips before he began to formally introduce himself.
" oh by the way i am Dante". He replied. Smirking his sweet words that rang echoes in arica's ears with a whole smile. Butterflies ran in a girl's child. Losing her way bit by bit. She felt like telling him why was he there at the wrong time after her being broken so much. She held her self and acted like a genuine girl. Hiding what she truly wanted. Before she could say a word Dante was already in with another sentence that shocked Arica.
"am.. Am.... If you do not want to tell me your name its fine. No pressure. But i know one way or the other am going to know that sweet name". Dante ended his sentence that sent them both in laighter. Arica tasted something in his voice. His accent. It truly matched hers. She started talking her way too enjoying the silly meet up.
" hold on hold on... Are you sure bout watcha sayin? "she asked making silly giggles.
"you gurl you wanna test it? Yep am sure. Psst". He said making him self look like an egg head. They both continued with their laughing.
"so why do want to help me with ma bag? Dontcha you know bout corona... Like the covid thing.. You know the virus bro.. ". She asked seeming so professional and like all the time proud of her job, her course.
"grt yeh i heard bout it too. Nah scared though. What do u think? " he said out again. Only a nod came from the other side answering all that. Silent broke in between them. Arica finally told Dante that she had to rush over to the buses. Not mentioning which ones though.
"yeah true that. Am.. Must leave too to check on mabalane buses". Dante quickly said. Arica laughed to such a sport. Wondering how on earth is fate playing with her.
"so you.. So you.. " she could not finish the sentence as she continued laughing. "you going same place as i, this must be wrong". She said.
"i told you.. Thats why i asked to help u with the bag. But any ways you seem so strong. Feminist of the times". Dante ridiculed Arica, spitting out laughter there and there to shade the rudeness of the statement. He understood that to some it may be offensive. But only a smile that sent his heart n**e was a reply to that statement.
They both walked towards the buses. Talking less and now with their pace a little high. Arica wondered if she was doing her self justice on not. She wanted to build a wall that would enable her to reject Dante's intentions with her but she already felt a crack over that wall. Her usual mistake of the time. It did not take her long to love or at least like a person but it always had to be hard to get over the person. But this time, she was willing to play her cards right. Never wanting the lockdown romance that would end by before the end of the year. Arica was still scared things may be bad just like they had been bad before. Yet she still could recall words from her friends and loved ones that she shouldn't miss on opportunities of good relationships because of her past. Because of Jab Jab. Because Jab Jab made her believe that every man was a dog. But at least now she heard viewed something different. Maybe one thing that made her alive at the moment. But Arica was still scared, fear hugged her tight that she immediately thought of avoiding Dante. Forever.

21/05/2020

CHAPTER 7 CONTINUED

Ten minutes had already passed and Arica was still waiting at the stop. She kept on stepping from the stop shelter to check if the combis were coming. Understanding how hard it could be to find transport in that stop she started hitch hiking. All she needed now was any form of transport that could take her to Gaborone bus station. A couple of cars waited to her hitch hiking but all signalled that they were only going to phakalane not the station. She did not give up. Arica waited ten more minutes before she saw a combi that was nearly full come by. It stopped for her to hop on. Trying to open the door with her long too soft for an adult fingers she scratched her self on the palm. A little blood oozed out. She searched for a tissue in her pockets to wipe the blood away. She could see a lot of faces in transport that were so annoyed by her delay. She also took her time nursing the little scratch. The driver finally came out of his front sit and walked over to Arica. He kindly opened the door for her and told her he was sorry his combi hurt her. Searching on his driver's sit side pockets he pulled out a plaster and carefully gave it to Arica. He acted like a gentle man and somebody who really cared for his customers. Moments later Arica hoped inside of the mini bus and it headed its way to the station. Wild looks mostly came from the women which were in the combi. To ignore that, Arica took out her Bluetooth head sets and switched on the nearest song. At least today she was feeling her self. So flawless. Her jeans that hugged her tight gave her the confidence. Not to mention her gold nobs that shined simultaneously with her smile and eyes no matter the wild looks that she got. She recalled of something, she did not greet. She quickly took off the head phones from her ears and began to talk loudly so cautiously. She passed her greetings in regret for her behavior, the feeling was drawn all over her face.
"good after noon, bagolo" ending the greeting in her setswana language that showed respect. Before she could get any response she was up talking again.
"am so sorry that i did not greet at first. Am sorry i got carried away. I got hurt". She ended her speech that made all people turn to look at her. Arica said her words playing with her hands and hiding her face by bowing her head a little. She was cautiously waiting for the response. Finally a huge choir of voices greeted back ,some were laughing at her sincerity while some just told her she was forgiven. Their greeting granted her the peace that she needed. Arica smiled back and carried on with her music and head phones. The song that played by was a song by Cardi B and Kehlani. A song that she once liked. Not because it was a whole lot of a vibe song but because she had related to the words. For one moment she thought of playing the next song because that one brought her back to a place she never wants to be at. She let it play. Sooner she was busy swinging her face up and down dancing to the song.
"shoulda call first, i cant decide, i want to, mmmm mmm got a pride.. The switchin nup shii is whaa i can't f**k wif... Um feelim yew buh you hard to gett on touch wit.. U aint hit me up in a while, u aktin like you dhont kno wah numba to daa" . That was Arica singing the song. Rolling her tongue and speaking slang. She sang in a bit of a louder whisper which was totally disturbing. Arica had a feeling that she might be singing loud and that when she finally stopped. Her head was still low. Caring not if she sang the right lyrics or what. What mattered to her was that she was enjoying her self. It was after a few stops at Gaborone that the combi arrived. She searched for a 5 p**a coin in her rack sack and gave it to the driver. Without waiting for the change she was already on her way to Gaborone - Mochudi buses. The driver tried calling her for her change but the head phones that were on hundred percent volume distracted that. She sashayed her thin waist and a little buts that the jean exposed. She was mixed with the crowd when a man came to her asking if she wants to helped with her bags. With a ridiculous look on her face she refused angrily. She walked her way upsetting the man with her flawless happiness, grabbing the attention of the near by people.

The engine of the bus was already on. The bus was ready to go. She hopped in like the way people do in action movies do, nearly tripping over a line of stairs inside the bus. A tight grip of a male grab held her from probably falling. But she already was steady. Thats what her tom boyish acts taught her. She smiled to the man convincing it was a smile of appreciation though it was not. "It was more like i had already helped my self but thanks any way bro". Arica walked past him and to the chair on the left side . She sat quietly thinking about nothing. At peace. A total stranger came by and took the empty sit beside her. More like someone compelled to . Arica ignored him too. She kept on wondering for how long would she ignore man. She kept on thinking what if she was missing on chances that could be a benefit to her. A little shiver of fear passed through her spine yet when she thought of things turning to be bad. Arica wanted not hurt or anything that could remind her of Jab Jab. A cloud of fear overshadowed her more often when she tried to talk to any man that showed interest in her. She preferred to starve wallowing in filth of lacking a man. Jab Jab's words often stole her comfort. Rendering her weak. Coward. A failure. So to keep it fed she would concentrate on self loathing and allow the darkness to deepen in her heart.
"you need me beside you" . Jab Jab 's words banged in Arica's head slitting her skin open. Tears, inadequate hate ran through her. Those were the words that Jab Jab would say whenever he was wrong. Making it look like Arica needed him the most. More like he was her oxygen. She shifted far away from the man beside her and gave him her back. Wanting not anything to do with men. Moving to Mabalane was one think that she thought would bring her happiness. Away from everything. Though it was Jab Jab's home village she was certain that he wont come there. And the lock down thing was going to help her find her self. Arica put her bag on her laps and rested her head there trying for sleep. An hour of travelling was enough to get her sleep.

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