04/12/2023
Twas the night before Christmas, and Santa's a wreck…
How to live in a world, that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged", they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union, to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds, by the Humane Society.
And equal employment, had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use, just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, (and you know that looked stupid!)
The runners had been, removed from under his sleigh;
(The ruts were termed dangerous, by the E.P.A.)
People had started calling the cops
When they heard sled noises, on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called, "Un-enlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing, over unauthorized use of his nose
He'd gone on four Corners, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions, in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
(Who suddenly claimed she'd had enough of this life,)
Joined a self-help group, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on, her title was 'Ms'.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making 'any' choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim with, And Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored, or made lots of noise.
Nothing for 'just' girls. Or 'just' for the boys.
Nothing that claimed, to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike, or was non-pacific.
No candy or sweets…(they were bad for the tooth).
And nothing that seemed, to 'embellish' a truth.
And all fairy tales, (while not yet forbidden),
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift, was something ecological.
No baseball, no football…(someone could get hurt);
Besides, playing any sports, exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And X-Box would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry,he tried to be gay,
(But you've got to be careful with 'that' word today)!
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable, was anywhere to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without 'offending' the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, and every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere…(yes, even you).
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth…
"May you and your loved ones, enjoy peace here on earth."
