03/03/2020
“Papang”
I couldn’t agree more with C.S. Lewis when he wrote that, “grief felt so like fear.”
My grandfather’s passing (27.2.2020) is the first loss I ever truly felt deeply. Perhaps it’s because I have a lot of fond childhood memories with him in it, or maybe it’s just that I am getting pretty old myself, hence the heightened emotional tendencies. My grief is mingled with fear that the same emptiness I feel will inevitably come again and again, one after another as each day passes. I think of those who are dear to my heart. I think of my parents, how they have aged and continue to - and imagine how losing them will multiply this feeling tenfold. I think of my children and wonder if they’d feel the same way should I bid this world farewell. Through all this, I am reminded that grief nor fear shall not exist without love, and with love we come full circle. We are all temporary pawns in this universe; we love, we lose, we start over. Let your loved ones know how much they are cherished while they are still around.
Today (3.3.2020) he was finally put to rest in his grave and all I could do was sit in my room as my son held up the phone so I can watch from my screen and say my goodbyes from over four thousand miles away. I decided to do something to commemorate the colorful life my grandfather lived. My beloved Papang deserves something special, so my first watercolor art is of him.
(Sorry I haven’t drawn or painted in months and know nothing about watercolor techniques since it’s my first time with this medium. Let’s just agree that the essence of pleasure is spontaneity.) 😅
