Author Bio:
Diane Mengali grew up in Northern California in the 1950s, when family dysfunction was cloaked in denial. On the outside, her family appeared functional and successful, but the part hidden from view was her mother’s depression, alcoholism, and suicidal tendencies, and her father’s intolerant attitude and infidelity. As a child, Diane internalized her mother’s fear and insecurity and
by age 10, she had become a chronic worrier. Diane married Dave in 1966. She had her first panic attack in August of 1967. While disturbing, she saw it as an isolated event, not the life-altering siege it soon became. A world of confusion unfolded in 1975 when Diane met Ellen, a registered nurse. What began as a friendship, turned into an affair, forcing Diane to question her sexuality and to seek counseling. After much turmoil, Diane and Ellen moved in together. Her marriage to Dave ended in 1980. In 1983, a psychiatrist diagnosed Diane with agoraphobia, a type of anxiety disorder in which one fears and avoids any situation that may cause panic and is usually accompanied by feelings of helplessness, shame, and being trapped. A few years later, she found a therapist who guided her through long-dormant painful emotions, introduced her to behavior modification and the life-saving practice of mindfulness. Diane hopes her story will help people understand the torment and terror that people with panic disorder and agoraphobia face on a daily basis. Panic disorder need not be a life-altering, frightening struggle; it can be treated by an appropriate therapist. Artist Statement:
MY EARLY TRAINING IN ART CAME FROM A STILL LIFE OIL PAINTER, BUT MY INTEREST HAS ALWAYS BEEN GEOMETRIC FORM, SPACE AND COLOR. AS A YOUNG ADULT, IT WAS DIFFICULT FOR ME TO RECONCILE MY PERSONAL VISION OF ART TO MY EARLY TRAINING. THIS DIFFERENT VISION, COMBINED WITH A LONG STRUGGLE WITH PANIC ATTACKS, AGORAPHOBIA AND THERAPY APPOINTMENTS, INTERFERED FOR MANY YEARS WITH MY ABILITY TO PAINT. TWO MAJOR INFLUENCES UNLOCKED MY VISIONS AND PROPELLED ME BACK TO THE CANVAS. THE FIRST OCCURRED DURING A LECTURE BY THE WELL-KNOWN ARTIST, CORITA KENT. AFTER SEEING HER WORK, I BEGAN TO APPRECIATE HOW ART COULD RELATE SIGNIFICANT IDEAS WITHOUT REPRESENTING TRADITIONAL SUBJECTS. THE SECOND INFLUENCE CAME DURING MY PERSONAL SEARCH FOR HEALING AND RELIEF FROM AGORAPHOBIA. TO ESCAPE THE ANXIETIES THAT WOULD OTHERWISE PERVADE MY EVERY WAKING MOMENT, VISUALIZATION EXERCISES OFFERED ME A SAFE HAVEN FROM THE STRESS OF PANIC ATTACKS. AS I BECAME SKILLED AT VISUALIZATION, THE IMAGES THAT DEVELOPED IN MY MIND WERE THE GEOMETRIC INTERACTIONS THAT I HAD FIRST "SEEN" AS A YOUNG GIRL.