09/04/2026
🚨 WHHY CHANNEL 9 NEWS UPDATE 🚨
MISINFORMATION STATION with Cody Cover
📍 ROCHESTER, IN — Construction of Rochester’s brand-new water tower is underway, but local residents are reportedly facing a crisis nobody prepared them for:
What the hell are we supposed to put on it?
Several citizens have expressed concern that officials have constructed an enormous blank tower without providing the community with adequate decorating instructions.
Early suggestions include:
💎 Bedazzling it — One resident has reportedly already purchased 14,000 rhinestones and “a sh*tload of Gorilla Glue.”
🎨 Graffiti — Supporters say it would “give the tower some personality,” although nobody can agree who gets to climb up there and spray-paint it.
✨ Bejeweling the entire thing — Similar to bedazzling, but supporters insist “this would be classy.”
🦅 One enormous bald eagle — Sources say the eagle should be “unnecessarily muscular” and possibly holding a Busch Light.
🎄 Seasonal decorations — One proposal would put a giant Santa hat on it every December, although engineers have reportedly responded, “Please stop emailing us.”
There is also growing debate over how high the letters should be written, with residents divided between “visible from Walmart” and “visible from space.”
One local man reportedly suggested simply painting ROCHESTER across it.
He was immediately asked to leave the meeting for bringing reasonable ideas into an unreasonable situation.
Town officials have released no statement, mostly because none of this is actually happening.
🎤 Cody Cover reporting
WHHY Channel 9 News
Misinformation Station
We don’t break the news. We damage it and return it without the receipt.
