03/30/2021
*long emotional post alert*
On my right I arm I have the line “Every painted sky, a canvas of your grace” tattooed in a pretty handwritten font. It’s my 5th tattoo but my first tattoo to hold significant meaning to me.
•
In high school I was bullied, I had severe anxiety and depression, I felt zero self worth and saw nothing important for my future.
The only reason I applied for Western was my AVID teacher who (bless her heart) begged me to. I pushed the idea away as I never thought college was in the books for me, and I didn’t feel smart or important enough to get in either.
•
It wasn’t until I got waitlisted and was walking home from a particularly bad day of bullying, that I found myself begging a God I hadn’t known since I was a child to give me a reason to believe life was worth living.
•
That’s when God placed on my heart WWU. A new start, new friends, a new life. And I got in 3 days later. Moving to Bellingham after high school and going to WWU felt like a gift from God, before I even knew who He was.
•
My first day of college after my parents left, I felt that anxiety slipping back in, what if I’m not good enough? I don’t deserve this. What am I doing? Two people from a community called ccf show up and invited me to hangout with them. I remember staying up all night with these people and feeling a sense of home.
•
They believed in Jesus, and I felt my heart rest in that. That night there was a beautiful sunset. It filled my room with pink and yellow. I felt it was God telling me that life is beautiful, and there’s nothing that I did or have to do to deserve to live it. I learned It’s by God’s grace that I am unconditionally loved. And for me every “painted sky”, is a reminder of that love.
•
Now, I feel blessed to be leaving Bellingham in this season where the sunsets start popping out of the grey skies. People ask if I’m worried about moving or starting a new life in a new city. Yes, but I’m no longer anxious. I know my God will bring me where He needs me to go because I asked Him to, and He will love me unconditionally no matter what I do because that’s who He is. And that truth that I’ve learned will always outweigh the anxiety.
