08/12/2026
Today years old finding out about this. Gotta go check it out.
"Amityville in Space" (2022 (?)) You know, eventually everything horror goes to space. Jason in space. Pinhead in space. Frankenstein meets the Space Monster. Planet of the Vampires. Werewolves from Outer Space...oooh, I feel a series coming on.
After nearly fifty years of possession, flies, demons, evil clocks, haunted lamps and increasingly desperate real-estate decisions, somebody finally looked at 112 Ocean Avenue and said:
"Fck it. Shoot the thing into orbit."
Mark Polonia, you magnificent bastard.
A priest attempts to exorcise the house, things go slightly sideways, and the entire goddamn building gets blasted into space. Centuries later, a spaceship encounters it floating around the cosmos because apparently even the vacuum of space can't stop the Amityville property market.
And the production values?
Who?
The spaceship interiors look suspiciously like somebody's basement after a particularly ambitious trip to Home Depot. The futuristic weapons resemble repainted toys. There's a robot whose costume appears to consist of a silver suit and reflective faceplate. The CGI looks like it escaped from a Windows 95 screensaver. Even comparatively favorable reviews acknowledge the extremely homemade sets and wonderfully cheesy effects.
This isn't "Event Horizon". This is "Event Horizon" filmed in your uncle's rec room while Aunt Carol is upstairs making meatloaf.
Yes please.
One star for filmmaking. Five stars for having the balls to fire the Amityville house into fccking space. Average accordingly.
