05/15/2025
THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: 27-HOUR MEAT HOOK MARATHON
00:00 — “The Texas Chain Saw Massacre” (1974) – 83 min - Raw, dirty, perfect. Start in daylight so it gets darker with the film. Snack: Finger Dogs (mini hot dogs with slivered almond fingernails)
01:30 — “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2” (1986) – 101 min - Satirical, grotesque, and manic. “Dog will hunt!” Drink: Hitchhiker Blood Punch (cranberry, soda, vodka, floating eyeballs)
03:15 — “Leatherface: TCM III” (1990) – 85 min - Standard slasher with flashes of weirdness. Viggo is hot & dangerous. Snack: Skin Mask Jerky (beef or mushroom jerky shaped like face cutouts)
04:45 — “The Next Generation” (1995) – 87 min- Bonkers. McConaughey’s remote controlled leg is a highlight. Food: Illuminati Breakfast Sandwiches (triangle-cut eggs and sausage)
06:15 — BREAK – 30 min
Cleanse the soul. Walk. Stretch. Regret everything.
06:45 — “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” (2003) – 98 min - Glossy and mean. One of the better remakes of any horror classic. Drink: Basement Water (murky green smoothie)
08:30 — “The Beginning” (2006) – 91 min - Prequel. Brutal, nihilistic, and dirty. Snack: Meat Hook Nachos (skewered cheese/meat bites on bent toothpicks)
10:15 — BREAK – 30 min
Sunlight? Probably shouldn’t look at it.
10:45 — “Texas Chainsaw 3D” (2013) – 92 min - Campy AF. “Do your thing, cuz.” Food: Cousin’s BBQ Ribs (vegan or otherwise)
12:30 — “Leatherface” (2017) – 88 min - Grimy road trip/body horror hybrid. Brutal and weird. Drink: Asylum Sludge Shots (black jelly, tequila, pop rocks)
14:00 — BREAK – 15 min
Final breath before the busload gets it.
14:15 — “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” (2022) – 83 min - Modern Leatherface vs. influencers. Bus massacre is chef’s kiss. Snack: Cancelled Culture Cookies (decorate with social media logos and blood icing)
15:45 — Bonus Segment: “Found Footage Fan Cut” or DIY Shorts Watch online shorts, documentaries, or hallucinate a TV series.
Drink: Chainsaw Fuel (cold brew + Red Bull + something regrettable)
16:45 — Optional: Double Tap ’74 & ’86
Your body is failing. But your soul? Just getting warmed up. Re-watch the original and its bananas sequel with full understanding of the franchise’s descent into meat-madness.
