10/18/2024
Happy Hunter’s moon everybody.
I’m back from my shame & depression fueled hiatus.
The 11th of Oct. marked 2 months since FINALLY giving up a very toxic addiction that cost me jobs, girlfriends, opportunities, a significant portion of my dignity & in turn ; the capacity to have much respect / love for myself.
I can’t say that I’ve gotten “clean”. I’m still smoking w**d almost daily.. but it’s a major step towards making my health and my art top priorities.
The most difficult aspect of recovering seems to be the act of having to re-confront (and properly process) a lot of the emotional/mental/spiritual turmoil that my drug use “helped” me to essentially bottle up and repress.
Grief, heartbreak, failure, anxiety and all of the other pre existing conditions (that would often serve as my excuses to do more..) but also the embarrassment, shame and regrets that would constantly be fostered by my continuous relapse and the following effects.
Regaining the ability to function properly, forgive myself and move forward is huge but it’s not just myself to whom I owe an apology. I want to sincerely apologize to all of the people who were negatively effected by the path I took:
To those who I became a cause of concern.
To random folks I freaked out.
To all of the friends that I pushed away.
To my amazing, loving family.
To the girlfriend(s) (pretty much one in particular) and employers that I let down constantly.
& to my ex roommates that I burned through the process of being evicted.
Although the validity of my word has been utterly desecrated through the past 4 or 5 years of weak behavior and bad decision making…
I hope that those who I hurt can take my commitment to a better lifestyle as a first step towards some sort of hopeful redemption.
Making it up to yall (as well as to me) is what I’m working towards daily and now that I’m actually able to sleep throughout the nights, perhaps my efforts may eventually be effective.
I love and miss so many of you 😢
As far as my music goes: the drastic difference in my ability to (adequately) record (and perform period) while sober (as opposed to being twackadoodled) has been a fundamental inspiration for this major change. Experiencing it first hand.. it’s undeniable.
With that being said, The album : “Away with words” is set to be released on 12-12-24.
Peace. 🙏🏼
