04/18/2023
New well new to most of y’all but here it is…
Welcome Home
I've shadow boxed demons during day dreams haunted by nightmares that constantly try to beat me into submission..
I have the determination to one day be champion to my day dreams, that brings the fight to demons in my sleep, you may call me Constantine…
I am a gladiator to my subconscious, far too often in my past I have succumb to fears of depression, stuck in backward motion and couldn’t find myself to breathe life back into existence…
I have overcome so much, I wonder will I ever find peace? peace is uncomfortable. It often feels like God and Lucifer are fighting over my tormented soul… there is peace within chaos. Death or life both are a fight.
I’ve made peace with death a long time ago. I’m a 3 time failure of su***de. gave blow jobs to handguns, pulled the trigger… nothing happened.. jammed gun? concrete ate the bullets…
I don’t fear death, I welcome it with open arms. I’m a survivor of criminal minds and cancer cells that were stationed at the mid section of my body…
hit with 2 IEDs and small arms fire in the Northern Providence of Afghanistan, Mazar-i-Sharif known as tomb of the saints, I am still here. The scent of burning flesh, is all to familiar. Seen atrocities, acts of violence by warlords in Eastern Africa. Like Somalia, Rwanda, Sudan and parts in between.
Imagine being 18 watching cowards butcher women. Cutting off limbs while children watching. Motherless boys kidnapped, drugged up to be used as soldiers…
Their sisters… raped,mutilated, and discarded, sold into prostitution…. Not even 13, imagine my nightmares… I am haunted by the ghosts of children of violence…
Alcohol became my novocaine just so I can find the sandman. He hides demons in my sleep just so they can’t haunt my day dreams. I awaken in soils sheets of sweat and tears searching for peace that I know still resides within me.
I keep my distance from people. Scared if they looked into my eyes they’d see my demons hiding. I became antisocial, not to protect myself from you but to protect you from me. They’re still flirting with me.
I see things differently, I yearn to be a part of society yet far to often I back away, my circle of friends have become me, myself, and I… it is safe there!!!
Been a soldier all my life, fighting to regain a part of my sanity lost by wars we had no business in. So please, do me a favor, when you see me don’t thank me for my service just embrace me … with welcome home….
