Cliff and Gaddy's Nitwit Chronicles

Cliff and Gaddy's Nitwit Chronicles Writer. Poet. Creator of Cliff & Gaddy. I write stories full of humor, chaos, and vibe from the best parts of my life.

My poetry is more raw, reflective, and hits a part of yourself that you might not have known existed.

08/04/2026

Hi FootBoob, how's it hangin? It's Vanna again, and I'm here bringing you the next short video that Camolot and all of us have been working on. I have to say though, acting bites the big one sometimes! If I have to repeat the line "Does anyone have a pocket boat" one more time, I might have to find another line of work! And has Camolot lose her damn mind, what the heck is a pocket boat? I've said it 50 times and I still dont know. Oh well, it's over now, but here is a new video for ya'll and the beginning of "Cliff and Gaddy's House, part 8.

Part 8...The Rescue... Now, with your 2 inch landscape brush we're going to start our background. We need a nice mountain scape for all our happy little trees. Remember folks, there's nothing wrong with having a tree as a friend! Stay tuned for more Bob Ross... Coming up at the 2 o'clock hour, more of "The Joy of Painting" with Bob Ross. And don't forget to sponsor to P.B.S...Funding for this program was-

CLANK! THWACK! THUNK!!!...

AHH...Haawn, AHH...Yaawn...OUUCH! OUUUCH!

What in the 'Glory Hole' happened? Cliff yells while he lifts his head off the floor! Where the hell am I, and who painted what damn tree? That damn numbskull put the cupcakes in the hole, dagnabbit! Turn that Wheel of Fortune off, you Nitwit!

Is'a...you alrighty Sir? The country-bumpkin Exxon clerk say's while looking confused by Cliff's gibberish. You'sa talking kinda funny, Sir! That bump on you's head might...got you seeing star's, Sir. You's watchin that 'Bob Ross' painter fella, then whatever somersault you's tryin...it didn't work, Sir! The face-plant you did, looks bad Sir! That's one hell of a nugget you's got Sir. So a, what's your story, sir? You's got any kin around these parts?...Sir?...Sir?

~🏚 ~🚙 ~ ⛽ ~

08/03/2026

Hey Footbook, we're back for a second time this week, that makes Cliff (Me) one happy SOB! I'm thinking Camolot finally got her video ideas to come out right. So this here is a special post, it's a sneak peck into what's in the making and we're giving ya'll the rest of part 7...

The rest of part 7, The Tumbleweed Exxon...."Oh, I'm sorry!" Gaddy smuggly say's. Knowing how desperate her husband is begging her. "If you're looking for my Nitwit of a husband, well he abandoned all of us. Our new traveling guest, the cat whom we adore, and the woman he shared a bed with, yes I said shared! It's too bad too, we were just about done clearing the cobwebs and tuna cans from the dinner table. And all of a sudden the hairless wonder drove off like his pants were on fire. There's gonna be a fire, the second that k**b turns, the jackass! It's a shame his ignoramus ass is missing out on meatloaf, tuna surprise, chicken potpies, some cornbread, and his personal favorite, "DOUBLE FUDGE" cream in the center of the ladies! Oh, I mean cream center Ladyfingers..."

Cliff's stomach rumbled and grumbled with the thought of the table filled with the center of the ladies..."Dammit Gaddy," Cliff snaps! "I need help, the "Bing Bings" and "Hollered out holes" mean nothing! It's getting dark Gaddy, and Betty is four miles away from here. Dammit, Gaddy come get me! The phones are about to... (Please Deposit 10 cents for additional begging privileges) ...Gaddy!! (Please Deposit 10 cents for additional s*x privileges) ...Gaddy, I'm at...420 "Outside of Zig-Zag" Hwy Roller, Tv 99999 It's the Tumbleweed Exxon gas station, right next to "The Hills have Eyes" hotel! Please..." Den nee-nee... (Please deposit 10 cents) ...Den nee-nee... (Please deposit 10 cents) ...Den nee-n...SLAM! "Shut up you Nitwit! Stupid operator!"

"What are you going to do, Mrs. Gaddy?" Vanna exclaimed. "Did he say where he is or how to get there?"

"I'll take care of that, Vanna. Gaddy sighs with an eye roll. Let's go find this "Ding-a-Ling" husband of mine. I'm giving this walker a break, time for some heavy-set shoe traction!

"Well um, Mrs. Gaddy?" Vanna murmured looking confused. "With all due respect Miss, I really need to get my car fixed. I have to get going, I'm heading to Chicago, Illinois. My brother lives in the next town over from Zig~Zag, I was on my way to him when I broke down. He lives off of "Rolling Boulevard," I believe it's not too far from here..."

"We'll talk when we get back Vanna," Gaddy blurted out with her Harley Davidson keys in one hand and a buldging fanny-pack in the other. "Tie your hair back little girl, we're about to "Burn Rubber"! If Cliff saw me do this... He might believe I was dead...Dead Stupid!"

How-How-Howwww's Footbook doing tonight? I'm good, just up Cliff-en around. We've been so busy lately, it's nice to have...
07/30/2026

How-How-Howwww's Footbook doing tonight? I'm good, just up Cliff-en around. We've been so busy lately, it's nice to have a night off and hang out. Gaddy owes me a beer anyways, and shes going to pay up tonight. Before I go get a cold one. here's more of part 7...

An hour later...

"Why the hell are there so many damn hills, I'm in no man's land! Cliff thought as he kicked up the dusty sand only for the wind to blow it right back in his face. "Feels like it's been 5 damn days since I started walking, where the hell is this Exxon?"

Clank, Clomp, Clank, Clonk...Is that???

"Hahahaha....There it is! I'm a damn genius! Only three miles off, I almost got lost "In the Hills have Eyes," but dammit I made it!"

Ding...Ding-Ding!

"The door chime let off a loud Ding as Cliff walked into the tiny one clerk, one pump, hole in the bathroom stall gas station. "What the hell does that sign say?" Cliff thought as he squinted his eyes, trying to see through the fingerprinted, dirt-smeared, dusty windows.

(Please leave holes open for rewards members. All members are subject to fees for larger objects of pe*******on. "Please Pay Inside")

"Give me $5 on pump 1 please," Cliff grumbles as he hands the clerk the only cash he brought. "And how much is this "Outside of Zig-Zag Times" newspaper? Oh and buddy, you got a pay phone?"

"Aroun back fella," the cashier muttered with a Country Bumpkin tone..."10 biggin's pera call, fer now. Them, there prices goin way up! Them folks talkin bout next year'r so it'll be 25 biggin's. I reckon these here "Whatchamacallit's" and "Skor" bars be on the rise too. 1984's gonna be'a biggin, Sir. Them lil ole young'un two-headed kid..."

"Pay phone around back you said?" Cliff interrupted the cashier, walk's to the exit and followed the sidewalk around back. Pay-phone around back, Cliff thought as he looks around. "Where? Oh, I see it. Damn Gaddy better answer the phone! Wait, what's our phone number? Great, I finally get to a phone and I can't even remember the phone number, Daggnabbit! Oh yeah, it's written on my under-ware, next to my name- that damn woman!"

07/08/2026

Hi, how is FootBoob tonight? I bet you're a lot better than me, this is scary! Talking to people I don't know and not having a paper in my hand to tell me what to say, not my idea of fun. So my name is Vanna, I play a part in Camolot's story, and she asked me to introduce myself and part 7. Camolot has been working on her new script, poor girl's been so busy. Welp, that all I got for ya FaceBoob, maybe next time I won't be so shy. Here the beginning of part 7...The Tumbleweed Exxon... "PUT-PUT-Put...Put-Put-put...Chug-Chug...Put-put-put"...



"Dammit All! Come on "Betty," don't fail me now!" Put-put-put..put-put-put..."BLEEP!" Cliff yelled at the "Bleeping" 1976 5.0 V8 engine, baby-blue Monte Carlo as it ran out of gas. "Dagnabbit Betty!" You piece of s**t! I just pumped $4 an hour ago, how the hell are you empty. Alright, I need to figure this out. Where the hell am I, it has to be somewhere on the border of Zig-Zag. Think I saw an Exxon gas station about a mile back, I'm almost sure. That's not too far, I can heel-n-toe a mile, no biggie...I think?"

After an hour of staring off in space...

That damn woman! Cliff thought, I'd never be in this mess if she would just stop snooping! What's wrong with a little adult "Panties Clip & Ta-Ta's"? I'll show her, I'll snoop her right out of the damn park! Maybe you should put a lock on your nightstand, Gaddy. That might keep me from rubbing Mr. One-Eye Vib in your face. Oh yeah, I know where Mr. One-Eye hangs out. All wrapped in a towel, your not fooling anyone, Gaddy! We'll see when I get back, you won't be so high and mighty anymore. Enough of that, let's get ready for this walk. Alright, I got keys, wallet, glasses, whipped cream, edible underwa...Dammit Cliff, focus."

All-righty-then, hows Footbook tonight? Everyone is looking awesome! I went down a few pages earlier, some of ya'll real...
06/26/2026

All-righty-then, hows Footbook tonight? Everyone is looking awesome! I went down a few pages earlier, some of ya'll really got something going on! You got the videos, the pics, and the music to go along with it. Hopefully Camolot will get her crap together and get us a song...

Camolot's Voice over: I'M WORKING ON IT CLIFF! I don't see you here past 5:00pm, thats how us creaters, create. Don't make me come back with another voice over, cause I will!

WOOOOOH, the hair just raced up my back, I might have holes in my shirt now from my spiked up back hair! Don't make fun ya'll, trust me, it's coming for each one of you. Any-hoo, we have the end of part 6 here for you, It's all about my awesome VHS collection...

Part 6...VHS tapes till the end!

Ohhhh, CCCCllliff...Gaddy wheezed in a sly voice. Immediately all the hair stood up on Cliff's neck. And a scared, deep swallow, heart-racing, I didn't do it, chill ran up his body!

That damn woman! Cliff thought. I already know what she found in the kitchen...Dammit!

Cliff dear, can you join us in the kitchen, Gaddy hissed in a soft-spoken tone.

Dammit, I'm trapped, Cliff thought. I need a minute woman, I think I left the keys in the car, be right back Gaddy...EEEEEERRRRRKKKK, shift...EEEEEERRRRKKK...shift! Damn that Gaddy, if I didn't have to skid the hell out of here, I might believe she was dead!

🎶"It's the...Cliff-Fever...the Cliff-Fever...Cliff-Fever⚊Now!"🎶 L-a L-a, L-a, l-a, l-a, doot-doodoo, doot doodoo, nah-na...
06/17/2026

🎶"It's the...Cliff-Fever...the Cliff-Fever...Cliff-Fever⚊Now!"🎶 L-a L-a, L-a, l-a, l-a, doot-doodoo, doot doodoo, nah-na, na-na-na-nah!

♂Cliff: What's crappenin Footbook? You like my new song, I just made it up? It's rockin Cliff and Gaddy's house down, if you know what I talkin about⚊ Word to ya m***a!

♀Gaddy: Cliff, you are 63 years old, no one wants you to say even hi to there mother, okay! I knew something was going on when you kept singing "Cliff-Fever" in the dressing room. Camolot allows you time to get comfortable talking to her readers, not sing to them.

♂Cliff: Blah-blah-blah, oh give me a break Mrs. Goody-two-shoes! Were just doing an add, like I need to post an add. How do you even post an add anyways, put down 699 + Gaddy's weight = 8008? Haha...Cliff-Fever, it's Cliff-Fever...yeah!

♀Gaddy: Allow me bone-head! Hello Facebookie, I'm Gaddy from the amazing Cliff and Gaddy's House. We are always looking to try new things to make us louder. But for now, we have another part of chapter 6 for you in our Ad, not Add. Geez, he really is a nitwit!

Cliff and Gaddy's House...The V.H.S. Tapes...2nd part...

Vanna...Take those damn high heels off!! If I hear one more Click, your Betty-ass will be "Clickin" your way to my foot. You got it, Vanna! Gaddy cringes with the thought of another "Click."

Yes Mrs. Gaddy...Vanna whispers in fear...

Now, I need the black box in that cabinet Gaddy said with her finger pointed. CreeeeK...Not that one you d**k, walk over to the right, no wait-walk over to the left. Dammit, Vanna, just turn the light on.

"CLICK......CLICK,.....Click....Click,...click-click-click... It doesn't turn on Mrs. Gaddy, Vanna says looking puzzled.

Well, isn't that just perfect! Gaddy replied. And don't be a smart ass, Vanna! Just grab the damn candles before my "Nitwit" of a husband gets back!

Flick...Flick...Flick...

Here's the candles you asked for Mrs. Gaddy, Vanna mumbles, handing Gaddy the candles and holding a black box. Is this the black box you need? I hope so because I dusted the cobwebs and wiped off some of the syrup. It had a Zinger stuck to it, so I ate it. Sorry, was it yours? Vanna asks as she dabs her mouth that's covered in Zinger crumbs.

Forget about that blondie, open the box! Gaddy shouts as she demand's the box to be open. Hurry it up too, he'll be back soon!

Okay Mrs. Gaddy, Vanna says in an annoyed tone. Take a chill pill, it's just tape, it will literally take me 2 seconds!

Ah Ha, I knew it! Gaddy yells! This is where he's been stashing his V.H.S. tapes. That S.O.B.! What the hell..."The Bouncing Bing-Bings", "The Hollowed out Holes", "On the Prowl" Parts 1-4...How many damn tapes does this Patty-wacker, Mr. Clean Wiper, degenerate perv have? Where the heck's the recipe, recipe my ass Cliff! I swear on...TOOOOT, TOOOT...Toot...toot, toot, toot! Ooohh, look at the "Dipstick" beeping his horn! Gaddy rolled her eyes at the thought of him. As if we needed a sound to go with his arrival. I can hear that rusted out muffler from the wrong side of Zig~Zag!

Creeeeerk...CLUNK...thump, thump, thump... Gaddy, I'm back, Cliff shouts! Where the hell are you? I grabbed a bottle of Boones Farm, the peach one. And what damn concoction came out this time, I'm scared to find out. And the damn k**b fell off again! I ain't fixing the damn door again, it stays OPEN!!

06/10/2026

What up FootBook! Cliff back in action, well kind of. I'm tired as heck! I think I've said "Nitwit" over 699 times in the last week. Does everyone like being called a damn nitwit? Last time I checked, well nevermind. Maybe I'll let Camolot explain that one. Any-hoo, I got what you need right here FootBook! A little Cliff and Gaddy to get ya in a good mood, this one's funny too. I'm amazing as always, bit of a rookie, but a good lookin one! Alright-alright, here is the beginning of part 6...The V.H.S. Tapes...and just to answer right now, theres no way in hell I'm sharing my V.H.S. tapes. Don't be jealous cause the 80's rocked!

Cliff and Gaddy's House...

"You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of light and sound, but of mind" and "That's a signpost up ahead...your next stop, the Tw***ie Zone!..."

Cliff, turn that s**t down and get off your ass! Gaddy shouts. I need a few things, go get a 12pk of Busch and the National Enquirer ya damn nitwit! And make it fast! And Vanna, get your ass in the kitchen, I got some work for you here...



Click-Click, Click-Clink, Click-Click...



Yes Mrs. Gaddy? Vanna mumbles in a shy, scared, offset-tone as she walks in the kitchen wearing Gaddy's over-sized grey ruffled dress that sags at the neck. The huge sewn-in shoulder pads made Vanna look neck-less as the light came through a crack in the wall. In the kitchen stood a dusty, chipped, 1927's table for 12, piled high with junk mail and tuna cans, half pulled. Every envelope is stickered with...

"Cliff and Gaddy Scamperest"

699 Walker Ave,

Zig-Zag, Tv. 99999

Address

2861 Punto Alto Court
Indianapolis, IN
46227

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