Dying For Art

Art born from a body in rebellion. A body still choosing to create.

Dying for Art is the name I’ve given this living, breathing series of paintings; each one made in the in-between spaces of pain, paralysis, and presence.

10/12/2026

It took unlearning compulsory heterosexuality (comp het) ; the deeply ingrained belief that heterosexuality is the default, that loving men is what we’re “supposed to do,” that being admired by men is meant to feel wonderful and that the life we’re taught to want is the life we’re meant to want.

I didn’t know how much of my understanding of love, partnership, and identity had been shaped by expectations I had never thought to question.
And I want to be clear: the love I have shared with Sean is real. The years, the memories, the tenderness, the life we built…none of that becomes less meaningful because I’m coming to understand myself differently. Love can be real, and there can still be parts of ourselves we haven’t yet learned how to name.

I am Gay.

Coming out later in life is complicated. It can feel like liberation and loss living in the same body. This is joy and Body Grief. There can be joy in finally seeing yourself more clearly and grief for the time you spent not knowing how, or feeling able, to do so. There can be relief, fear, uncertainty, excitement, and a thousand feelings that don’t fit neatly into a coming-out story.
I’m learning that I don’t have to make my past wrong to honor who I’m becoming. I don’t have to rush my understanding of myself to make it easier for anyone else to understand. And I don’t have to experience this as anything other than what it is: my own unfolding.

You are not behind. You are not too late. You do not owe anyone a perfectly packaged explanation of your identity or your timeline. Trust me.
Give yourself grace. Give yourself time. Give yourself compassion. Give yourself space for joy AND grief.
You are allowed to celebrate who you’re becoming while mourning what it took to get here.
You are allowed to take your time.
You are allowed to be a work in progress.
And you are allowed to choose yourself, even when doing so changes everything.
Here’s to coming home to ourselves, in whatever time and in whatever way that takes. 🌈🤍
image description in comments

09/30/2026

The non linear process that is heartbreak and healing; “No Baby, Gay Baby” Mixed Media 18”x 24” for sale. Head to the website for more information or DM me!

She said it reminded her of a nursery, and immediately I recalled the eviction of my Uterus and ovaries only a few years back.

The men roused at the TV screen while my mind screamed at my body, “you’re wasted used goods.”

Immediate splashes of color and cutting edges of my palette knife a new painting was born; “No Baby”

Then came the Searing Separation, the heartbreak and coming out. “No Baby” no longer called to me.

I added le***an flare, smudges of oil pastel and released my pain, grief and joy.

And after all of that hurt, betrayal, heartbreak and healing I looked back and finally had a name for it. Body Grief.

(Image Description) A carousel of images and videos of Jayne Mattingly Disabled Author and Artist, Grieving her marriage, with pictures of her featured painting “No Baby Gay Baby” tones of magenta pinks and ochre. Discussing the non linear unsexy parts of healing.

09/09/2026

“I’m Fine” demonstrating the internal chaos that we endure as folx living with chronic pain. An homage to and

In my book THIS IS BODY GRIEF with Penguin Life I discuss how external dismissal from medical professionals, family, friends, strangers( even when well intentioned) can cause internal dismissal of our own symptoms, and intuition.

“We enter Dismissal when we try to stay in control of the narrative about what’s happening to and in our bodies that we can’t make sense of. Instead we say “I’m fine”.

Ultimately Dismissal is a response to fear. Fear of what is happening to us. Fear of inconveniencing ourselves and others with an uncomfortable truth. Fear about what the future holds. Fear that we will never go back to how we were before.

When we are in Dismissal, a little voice in the back of our head tells us, “Once I say it out loud, I will have to face whatever this is.” pg.45 THIS IS BODY GRIEF by Jayne Mattingly

{image description} An artistic scrapbook like carousel of photos of Jayne Mattinglys floral, abstract art and professional branding photos by erica . The text overlay on each slide says sentiments like “I’m fine” and “atleast it’s not cancer.” and at the end “I can trust my intuition”

09/02/2026

Welcome. I’m so glad you’re here. 🤍
This is a place where we allow ourselves to exist exactly as we are, no matter what that looks or feels like.
I talk a lot about something I call Body Grief: the sense of loss and mourning that can come with living in an ever-changing body, especially when we feel our bodies have betrayed us in some way—and when we’re navigating the systems of oppression that shape how our bodies are seen and valued.
I get messy with paint, vibrant color, and BIG feelings. My work lives in the space between joy, healing, grief, and nostalgia.
Hi, I’m Jayne. I’m a Disabled Artist and Author of THIS IS BODY GRIEF with Penguin Life I’m a self-taught abstract artist working primarily in acrylic and mixed media, painting from my own pain, experiences, and Body Grief.
There is a story behind every brushstroke, and I’m honored to share those stories with you.
✨ And yes, the art you see here is for sale. ✨
My new website is currently underway, but if you see something in my feed or Stories that speaks to you, send me a message. I’d love for one of my paintings to find its way to you.
Thank you for being here.

Photography Erica Elan Ciganek

{image description} Jayne Mattingly Disability Advocate and award winning Author of THIS IS BODY GRIEF sits in front of the a window with her vibrant abstract artwork displayed also holding a piece of her artwork. She is smiling.

08/29/2026

And sometimes this is what Grief looks like.

Tell me below what small things helped you find yourself in your Grief.

{Image Description} Jayne Mattingly award winning author, Disability Advocate and Artist shares a photo of her new bedding and it’s pink blue and green pastels, with Money pattern reminiscent of the 90’s and early 2000 fabrics, the sheets are lilac with small kittens, silk pillow cases by Kitsch and a hot cup of coffee. The text overlay reads. “ Picking out my OWN bedding as I decorate my OWN room whilst going through my divorce as a late bloomer, Baby Gay Woman…🤏🏼😮‍💨It just hits different. Finding joy and finding MYSELF in the small things.“

08/25/2026

Genetics really are Wild!!

Saw this trend on my feed and had to do it 😂

{image description}image of Jayne Mattingly, disability advocate Body Grief expert, Artist and Author of THIS IS BODY GRIEF is pictured as a child posing in a ballerina outfit the text overlay reads: “ Like tell me how this works….here is me as a child.” the next slide is another photo of Jayne as a child the text overlay reads “Here I am again as a child!” the next slide is a picture of Jayne’s service dog 🐕‍🦺 (a black lab) Wheatie and the text overlay reads “And here is my child.”

08/17/2026

The Grief we carry as humans; it’s so heavy it’s hard to comprehend, as we age it just continues to compound and become more complex.

Today is Black cat Appreciation Day and my heart sunk into my stomach and my eyes immediately started to swell, My first baby, Lilly, my ED recovery Kitty, my incredibly fiery fellow Aeries was my everything. She literally pulled me through so many hard times, and is now back in Charleston,SC with my other baby Gio. It’s as if my soul has been broken in two.

I know so many people who don’t understands love won’t “get this” and that’s ok! But this post is for all of the humans out there grieving a part of yourself that you had to leave behind. I see you! That is also Body Grief! I will take a piece of advice out of my book, THIS IS BODY GRIEF, “just dip your toe into the grief like it’s an ocean of body awareness, and for a moment experience the feelings, breathe into your body, and then when it becomes too much, take your toe out and know you can come back again.”

I love you so much Lilly, my misunderstood Black Cat Baby Girl!

{image description} Jayne Mattingly Disabled Artist Advocate, and Author of THIS IS BODY GRIEF holds her black cat Lilly who she got as a small kitten in Jackson Hole Wyoming 13 years ago in her wheel chair. the Carousal if images shows Jayne is with Lilly in Charleston, some with just Lilly and some paintings of Lilly.

08/14/2026

Photos I took but never posted…..

2026 has been a doozy!

{Image Description} a carousal of photos from Summer of 2026. Jayne Mattingly, a Disabled Artist, Advocate, and Author of THIS IS BODY GRIEF. The carousel starts with a picture of Jayne and Sean together for 14 years married for 5, they are now living in separate states and in the middle of a separation. They are navigating their grief day by day and finding joy in the small things…the rest of the photos show Jayne’s silly side, hungry side, and her body fighting to stay afloat as her illness takes over yet again. Jayne is lucky to have her family and friends in Chicago as she finds her way through this new season of life.

08/06/2026

The last month has tested me and my family😮‍💨. Basically living in the hospital, Aseptic Meningitis—>Lumbar Puncture—> CSF Leak—>A scan that read I had a brain aneurysm—> A Neuro procedure to diagnose said brain aneurysm—> The AMAZING NEWS OF NO BRAIN ANEURYSM!! —> Persistent CSF Leak and Vascular Compressions—> Acute pain —> and now? 😮‍💨🫠

I am Grateful I am exhausted, I am Elated, I am Blessed, I am Grieving. I am an Artist. I am an Author. I am a disability Advocate. I am Chic AF. Thank you for all of your love and support!!!

Grieve out loud with me below!!!

{image description} Jayne Mattingly Author Of THIS IS BODY GRIEF, artist and Disability Advocate is seen laying down smiling with her book THIS IS BODY GRIEF to the left of her and text overlay reading…. “Kind of Chic to lean into Body Grief when our health is crumbling before our eyes. “

“Kind of Chic to Grieve our Body out loud in a world that tells us to be quiet, small and well all of the time.”

“Kind of Chic to lean into community when Chronic Illness feels overwhelming.”

07/29/2026

We can all exist together, it thrills me seeing the Disabled and Chronically ill community use this language and feel empowered by this framework.

Body Grief IS Chronic Illness Grief, Body Grief IS Disability Grief , Body Grief IS Q***r Grief, Body Grief IS post partum Grief, etc.

Body Grief is universal and all encompassing. Use the language that works for you, credit the authors and creators of said concepts, read, purchase and rent the books and lean into community! Community is the antidote of Body Grief. We got this!

{Image Description} screen shot of a thread that reads;
“When I named the term Body Grief & published THIS IS BODY GRIEF w/ Penguin Life ,it was my intention to write & embody this framework for the Chronic Illness, Disabled community.It makes me happy to see the disabled community use this language to name their experience w/ the loss that comes w/ living in a body in an inaccessible world.It is ALL Body Grief.When we forget to credit disabled&marginalized authors for their work it further strips us of our power, autonomy&pride.”

Address

Charleston, IL
29414

Telephone

+16309080362

Website

https://www.jaynemattingly.com/paintings-into-purpose

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