21/12/2025
On this winter solstice,
with the year almost at its end,
I think back to all that has passed.
There is a lot that could be said about the overall state of the world but I will instead share something personal, challenging and hopefully empowering, I have been facing.
Before I had my double mastectomy this time last year,
I made a casting of my chest.
While the silicon was being brushed onto my bare skin I wept, knowing that this impression would be the only thing remaining of this part of my body after it was cut from me.
I made a wax form with the impression,
packed that into sand,
melted it out,
then poured molten iron into the void.
This sculpture was the armor I prepared before my surgery.
A symbolic act meant to help strengthen my resolve,
fortify my character,
and immortalize a memory.
Far beyond skin deep, that operation changed me.
Even with the reconstruction, I often feel a stranger in my body.
Numbness covers my chest and goes back all the way to my spine,
pain lingers in strange places and my confidence falters.
I do my best to combat the invasive thoughts and feelings..
I find that focusing on physical actions that follow a conditional logic help the most with overcoming the darkness.
If I work out five times a week,
then I will be stronger.
If I sit and meditate for an hour every day,
then my mind will be clearer.
If I eat healthy each meal,
then my body will feel better,
If I make my art,
then all of my life will benefit.
This year I have been diligent at practicing these statements and in doing so,
have worked to turn away from the cycle of toxicity that depression so effortlessly propels.
Yet even with this discipline, each day has its struggle and even more so knowing that I will be needing more surgery in the not so distant future.
Regardless, I cannot deny the results of my practice.
And so, if iron can transform into something as beautiful and complete as this sculpture…
with perseverance, immense energy and some help holding the vessel along the Way…
So too can I.
Happy winter solstice to all 🌬️
Whatever darkness you may be facing,
let the solstice remind us that brighter days are on the horizon.
🤍