04/13/2025
Dear Sh**un,
I love you. I love you so much. I’m sorry we didn’t have longer. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. We tried so hard and battled all week. But this morning of Sunday, April 13th when I saw you in a death hang, I knew it was time. I don’t know how much longer you have, and it’s my duty to you as your keeper to end your pain when it’s all that is left for you.
As I lay here waiting on the clove oil to arrive in the coming hours, watching you next to me in your hospital tank that’s been by my side on my nightstand for the last week, I’m recalling just how much you changed my life. Until the moment I met you, fish were just fish. And the second we locked eyes while I held your cup I knew there was more to you. Life behind your eyes, thoughts, emotions, I fell in love immediately.
I expected you to be a distraction from the pain I was going through and instead you gave me a reason to push through it. I became obsessed with giving you the best life imaginable. Countless hours in fish stores both local and far finding the best and only the best for you. Money I didn’t have, being spent to ensure you didn’t go without. Meals being skipped after buying fancy new equipment that broke the bank. Arsenals of medication at the ready, prepared for any singular thing that could go wrong. All of it for you. You’re so loved, words can’t begin to describe.
As I wanted more and more for you, I knew the only way to provide was to improve my own life situation. I got a new job in a new industry to start saving for my own place with no roommates and all of the space to give you a true paradise. You gave me the strength to make that jump and start bettering my life. I can say with my whole heart that I do not know where or if I’d be here without you, now mere weeks from moving into a new home and realizing my dream for you. It’s such a cruelly bittersweet moment now. I’ll have the home, but the tank will be empty. You helped me get here. You deserved to enjoy the fruits of your love.
Not only did you give me the strength to do all of this though, you gave me a true passion in life. Almost immediately after you came into my life I began dedicating myself to betta fish husbandry in the most intense way. The realities of the betta fish trade disgusted me to my core. The abuse, the inbreeding, the countless, mass and meaningless deaths of millions of your brothers and sisters. Even more heartbreaking is the sheer amount of you that make it through that journey just to end up in a careless owner’s hands. More often than not, your species is trading one form of abuse for another. It’s heartbreaking to the truest extent. That’s why I made a whole channel and brand after you, Sh**un Aquatics. You’re going to live forever. I documented your life both for pleasure and because deep down I knew that no matter how much I love you and how well I care for you, you were born of that abuse and you ultimately wouldn’t be here as long as you truly deserve. You have been able to show people just how smart and full of life betta fish are. How well you can flourish with a good home and proper husbandry. How you can adapt to changing conditions and press on unfaltering.
I’m going to change the world for you I swear it. You taught me so much, and I will carry the torch until I no longer can. So many betta fish are going to have better lives because of you. I’m going to spawn so many health brothers and sisters and they’re going to have the most ethical practices this world has ever seen. I’ve already built relationships with so many stores that are excited to have bettas from me, because they know I care. They know that you taught me the best way. This is all because of you buddy. I’m even setting pop up events at these locations so I can teach people about how to truly care for you. There’s ideas I haven’t even conceived of yet that will go to the betterment and restoration of your species and it will all be because of you. You are truly everything to me. Thousands of people have watched your life and thousands more will come. Thousands of fish are going to be saved because of you. I was saved because of you.
As I’m nearing the end of this letter that’s taken me over 30 minutes to write you’ve declined even further. I don’t know that the clove oil will be here before you pass on your own. Part of me is choosing to believe that you’re taking mercy on me from ending your pain myself. I know you’ve been watching me struggle to do my best from the inside of this glass. I know you were fighting. It’s okay to rest now. You truly are a warrior worthy of your name.
Thank you for everything, Sh**un. You were the most loved fish on this planet.
I love you, and pray I’ll see you on the other side.
