06/17/2026
Looking for honest, constructive feedback. I like to think I’m a pretty good writer. My friends and family tell me I am. But they’re supposed to say that.
Most of the things I write seem to go out into the void with very little feedback. And it lends to one feeling ignored and inadequate.
Chaos Systems is an end of the world romance novel. Kathy and her two daughters go on vacation from Ohio to California when a massive tornado outbreak takes place.
She is helped by Chris and his roommate, Brian, and the group is trapped in the basement with Brian’s dogs for a week before they are able to escape.
The world they find when they get back to the surface is devastated and looks nothing like it did before. Survivors are rare. Life becomes a struggle.
I personally think it’s a good story, but people read it and leave. I feel like I’ve wasted a lot of time on this story only to receive no feedback.
I’m asking you to read the first chapter and provide honest, brutal feedback.
Do you like it? Do you dislike it?
What do you like about it?
What do you not like about it?
What do you think would make it better?
Are the chapters too short? Too long?
Am I wasting me time?
Please, negative feedback is so much better than no feedback at all.
Change is inevitable. Sometimes change is good, and sometimes it’s bad—very bad. The problem, however, is that we really don’t know which way it’s going to go until it happens. Things we think will be good often turn out to be bad. Sometimes those changes we think are going to end badly turn out to be the best thing to ever happen to us. And some changes can be both. This is a lesson Kathleen Smith was about to learn all too well.
Kathy had been planning their vacation for months. She and her two small children, Lily and Melanie, were so excited about going to California that their bags had been packed for over a week. This was their first vacation, and it was the first time the children had ever left the state. The girls would have packed sooner if Kathy had given in to them, but she wanted to wait to make sure the weather would be good for the trip.
She checked the weather every day leading up to their departure, and checked it again before they left. She always checked the weather before going anywhere. The weather was forecast to be light rain and nothing more, so Kathy felt it was safe to go on vacation. She was wrong, although it would have been just as unsafe to stay home—maybe more. No one could have anticipated what happened. It all happened so fast.
Kathy je**ed awake as the alarm clock started beeping. She reached over, smacking it clumsily until she managed to make it stop. She grumbled as she pulled the blanket up to her chin and started to roll back over, unsure why she’d set the damn thing so early. She was almost asleep again when she remembered: California! We’re supposed to be at the airport by 5:00 AM!
Jumping out of bed, she stubbed her toe on her dresser. Cursing and hopping, she headed to the bathroom. She took a quick shower, brushed her teeth, and then rushed back into her room to dress as quickly as she could. As excited as the girls were for this trip, she knew her children well enough to know they weren’t going to wake up very happy. *If only I could just carry them out to the car asleep*, she thought to herself as she headed into the kitchen to start breakfast.
As luck would have it, they were only slightly difficult to wake up instead of them being really difficult to wake up as she was expecting them to be.
Lily rushed into the kitchen yelling, “Pancakes!” as she climbed up into her chair.
“Sorry, sweetheart, no time. It’s cereal this morning.”
“No! Me no want cerroll!” Melanie cried as she scrambled into her own seat.
“You mean, ‘I don’t want cereal,’” Kathy corrected her youngest while pouring the milk into their bowls.
“That’s what she said, Momma.”
Kathy looked away to hide her grin. “Almost, but she still needs a little help with her grammar and pronunciation.” She set the cereal bowls down in front of each girl. “We have to hurry if we’re going to make it to the airport on time. Eat.” Mentioning the airport was all it took to get them to do as she asked. She even had to tell them to slow down so they wouldn’t choke.
They were in the car and on their way to the airport in Columbus in no time. They arrived at the airport on time, and their flight went off without a hitch—no delays and little turbulence. It was great as far as first-time flights could go, which was great because Kathy was also afraid of flying. Yes, she knew she had a lot of fears. She was working to overcome them, one by one.
The girls were a bit fussy when they first got on the plane. They’d slept a bit in the car, but they were tired and cranky—understandably so—regardless of how excited they were. Once they were in the air, she was able to distract them by getting them to look out the window. It was a great distraction for them but terrifying for her. Can we also add a fear of heights to her ever-growing list of fears? No? Well, too bad, because she did … it was definitely a fear now!
She tried to hide the fear that threatened to overwhelm her by forcing herself to relax the white-knuckled grip she had on the armrests and taking a calming breath. It took a minute of the girls chatting excitedly as they watched their ascent into the clouds through the window and the flight leveling out, but Kathy's breathing finally evened out and she was able to lean back and watch her girls in relative peace.
The girls fell asleep about 30 minutes into their flight, and Kathy was left with nothing but her thoughts to distract her. Memories of why she decided to take this vacation followed her into sleep.
“You fu***ng bitch! Don’t walk away from me!”
“I’m not having this conversation with you screaming at me.”
“I’m not fu***ng finished!”
He grabbed her arm so violently she was sure she would have bruises and yanked her around to face him. The smell of alcohol on his breath told her he’d been drinking again.
“Well, I am!” she responded as she tried jerking her arm free. “Let go of me.” She tried to keep her voice calm. The girls were awake and could hear them.
He let go, but got in her face, and she could tell by his bloodshot eyes that he was also high again.
“I’m so fu***ng tired of you always thinking you’re smarter than me!”
“I don’t think tha—”
“One of these days I’m gonna punch you in your stupid fu***ng face!” She averted her eyes when he said that, and felt her heart shatter to see Lily standing in the archway, fear in her eyes as she looked from her father to Kathy.
She je**ed awake as the captain announced they were landing, and she tried to shake the lingering remnants of the past that her dreams always brought. It was her first time in California, and she wanted to focus on that. So, after they landed, she rented a car, and they headed for the motel.
As she drove, Kathy thought about the events that led her to the decision to take this trip. Her ex had taken the news that she was leaving him exactly as she had expected. If she thought he was cruel and hurtful during the marriage, it was nothing compared to how he was during the divorce. He played mind games, threatened Kathy and her family, and did his best to manipulate the girls. He even went as far as arguing with the magistrate during proceedings.
Kathy was ultimately awarded the divorce with full custody of the children. He was given supervised visitation twice a month. The divorce had been so difficult to get through that she decided that it was best if she and her girls just got away for a while. Why she chose California as her destination, she wasn’t sure, but she was happy with the decision nonetheless.
The rain began to fall as Kathy drove on, and she slowly became more aware of her surroundings as she turned on the windshield wipers of the rental car. Looking around, she knew that she wasn’t going to find the motel anywhere near where she was. She was so lost in her memories of how difficult the divorce had been that she didn’t notice she’d taken a wrong turn somewhere and was now lost. The rain was beginning to come down faster, and the wind picked up, making Kathy nervous. She glanced over to the passenger seat to grab the map, and realized it wasn’t there. *Oh, God! Where did the map go? Did it fall out of the car at that gas station they’d stopped at?
They ended up on a side street somewhere. The houses here all looked the same: new, white, with white trim, and each with a garage and an immaculate lawn. It looked like a perfect little community, the kind you would see in a movie or on television. Kathy felt completely out of place. She may not have known where she was, but she knew the motel was nowhere near. *How had she gotten so distracted that she hadn't paid attention to where she was going?*
`The rain was coming down hard by this point, and she had the wipers on the rental car at full speed when she heard the first sounds of thunder. As the thunder grew louder, Kathy could hear pieces of hail hitting the roof. At first, they didn’t sound very big, but after a few minutes they started to get larger and louder. Somewhere in the distance, the thunder rumbled again. “Crap,” she thought to herself as her hands grabbed the wheel tighter when she felt the car move sideways from the force of the wind. `
The wind howled, and the thunder cracked again. Kathy contemplated knocking on someone’s door to ask for help—whether it was to ask for directions or to seek shelter from the storm, she didn’t know or even care, but she was starting to feel desperate. Storms scared the crap out of her! They always had, but the feeling in the pit of her stomach wasn’t helping matters at all.
The last time she had had a feeling like this, something horrible had happened. She prayed that nothing would happen this time, but deep down, she knew her prayers weren’t going to help. Unsure of what to do, Kathy continued driving. She told herself that the storm would pass and everything would be okay. After all, the rain seemed like it was finally starting to slow down.
In the back seat, her daughters were starting to argue. Being trapped in the car after being trapped on the plane had finally caught up to them. They were definitely getting bored and restless. They needed to find that motel soon, but that meant finding a way out of the residential part of town. She opened her mouth to tell them to be patient when the oldest, Lily, screamed.
`“Momma, tormado! Tormado, Momma! Look! Like on TV! Tormado!” she screeched.
Kathy slammed on the brakes, causing the car to slide sideways. As it came to a stop, her eyes searched the sky for any signs of a tornado. She saw it coming from a distance, and as it didn’t appear to be moving right or left, she knew it was heading straight for their car.
It was maybe a mile away … maybe, though she was never a great judge of distance, so it might have been farther or nearer, and it was tearing up everything in its path. She watched as it tore through one house after another on its way to where she and her children were sitting. It looked like it always did on the news and in the movies—but worse somehow! It was big and looked as though it was getting bigger, *if that was even possible*, and was terrifying.
Kathy’s heart began to race! She didn’t have time to think; she knew the tornado was too close to try to outrun, and frankly, she was too distraught to try. The thought of going in a different direction never crossed her mind. All she could think was that they had to get out of the car and find a safe place! She threw the car into park and jumped out. Turning, she yanked open Lily’s door as fast as she could. She was moving on pure instinct to protect her children and herself. The tornado was getting closer every second, now less than a mile away, going by her best guess—which admittedly wasn’t that great—and it looked like it was moving faster than she had ever seen on the news.
Before she knew it, the wind had picked up even more, and debris was starting to fly around the car. This wasn’t even the tornado yet! It was just the wind going crazy! A trashcan went hurtling across the front of the car, its previous contents swirling in the air around her: leftover food, wadded-up paper, bottles, you name it. A candy wrapper briefly landed in her rain-soaked hair before being picked back up by the wind and twisting away, and by this point, Kathy’s hair was blowing in her face so hard she could barely see. It didn’t help that the rain kept getting in her eyes, as well, making them sting. A lawn chair banged into Melanie’s side of the car as it hurtled past. For a brief second, Kathy was frozen in place. She was convinced that her fear would get the best of her, but then Melanie let out a piercing scream that brought her back to her senses enough to focus on getting them out of the car.
“It’s okay. We'll be okay. Don’t worry, it’s going to be okay,” Kathy said repeatedly, trying to calm herself and her children down. She didn’t think it was working, but she didn’t know what else to say.
To make matters worse, Lily’s car seat straps were stuck! No matter how hard Kathy pushed the button, it wouldn’t open. She could feel the panic rising up inside her again as she fought with the straps. It was worse than she had ever felt before. Her eyes began to burn from the tears, and her heart started racing faster. It felt like it was going to beat right out of her chest!
She had to fight to stay focused on getting her children out of the car. She took a deep breath and forced herself to let it out slowly. The tornado was getting closer; she knew they were running out of time! In the back of her mind, she couldn’t help thinking, ‘*What if I can’t get her out of the car?*’ There was no way she could leave Lily, but she had to think of Melanie, too. What if she had to choose? How could she make that choice and live with herself?
Kathy’s heart was pounding, but her mind was racing faster. She was trying to find a solution that would save all three of them, but she was coming up short. She felt so lost and alone and was afraid for their lives. *We should have stayed home! We should have stayed home! Why did I bring us here? Why did the weather have to change?* Question after question ran through her mind as she fought to get her daughters out of the car.
Just as she was about to give in to her panic, she heard a dog bark and a man yell something she couldn't make out from somewhere close by. She wasn’t sure where the sounds were coming from, and at this point, she wasn’t sure she even cared; she just hoped he was coming to help. She had to get her babies out of the car before it was too late! The tornado was getting closer still; it sounded like a train heading straight for them.
Her ears were starting to hurt from the sound. Thankfully, she saw someone run up to the other side of the car and yank Melanie’s door open just as she finally managed to get Lily’s straps apart. She pulled her daughter free from her seat, and hugging her tightly to her chest, Kathy ran around to Melanie’s side of the car. She had to dodge another trash can as it went flying past her. The car started to move slightly, and the man bumped his head.
“Crap!”
“Melanie!” Kathy screamed at the same time, almost drowning him out, as her panic intensified.
He cursed again in frustration, and instead of trying to get Melanie out of her car seat, he pulled a knife out of his back pocket and cut the belt—removing Melanie, car seat and all. Hugging the car seat to his chest, he grabbed Kathy by the arm and began to pull her toward one of the houses across the street.
The tornado was almost on them now, and as she glanced back, she saw the rental car being lifted into the air. All around it was destruction, and she didn’t think they were going to make it to safety in time. They could barely stand, let alone run for the shelter of a house. Their time was almost out.
Something hit Kathy in the back, causing her to stumble and almost fall to the ground. The man tightened his grip on her arm and started to run faster. He was practically dragging poor Kathy behind him, not that she minded. She just wanted to get inside somewhere—anywhere.
As they neared the door to the house, a second man ran out to meet them. “It’s here! Where the hell did it come from?” he tried to shout over the noise of the storm and the children’s crying.
"You think? I don’t know!” The man who had come to help Kathy shouted back to his friend as they approached the door.
Why haven’t the sirens gone off yet?” his friend shouted in reply, grabbing Kathy's other arm and helping to drag her to the door as they half-knelt, half-ran the rest of the way.
“What sirens? Come on! We have to get to the basement!”
The small group made it to the front door and rushed inside. It took both men to shut it against the wind. “Come on!” the man who had rescued Melanie from the car said as he grabbed Kathy’s arm again and led the way to the basement door on the other side of the room. That’s when the siren finally went off—too little, too late for many if not most of the people in its path.
