05/01/2024
Thought I don't wanna see you.
Cause a memory of you hunts my pasts
A picture reminding me of all the abusive acts
I experienced since I was a child.
But here you are reminding me
That everything happens for a reason
Here you are facing me squarely
Looking into my eyes, saying:
"Pinabayan kong maranasan mo mga pang-aabuso ninra ta aram kong kaya mo.
Idi man sana ako. Di tayka pinabayan."
I kept on asking myself,
Why did you allow those influential people abuse me?
Why do I have to hear those nasty words, experience physical, sexual, psychological and all kinds of abuse from those well educated people?
I kept on blaming myself for my painful pasts.
Been blaming my loved ones and family.
Been bleeding and keep on hurting
That I decided to run away and never see you again.
Decided to forget your beauty and glory.
But you keep on reminding me that Higher power sees and knows my struggles.
Then I felt ashamed for pitying myself.
For hating others
For cursing my abusers.
Cause you let me realize that healing starts within.
That in order to move forward I have to let
The universe direct my life.
It requires total surrender,
Self acceptance,
Unconditional self-love,
Forgiving not forgetting oneself.
Thank you for loving me unconditionally.
Thank you for not giving up on me.
Thank you for believing in me.
I am strong because of You.
I am nothing without You.
I am who I am because of You.
If I only have last two words to say,
That will be,
"Thank you!"