Akda at Tula Ni Binibining Makata

Akda at Tula Ni Binibining Makata unsaid thoughts
unexpressed feelings

Gising na, Pilipinas | 09 β€’ 22 β€’ 25✍🏻: conspeneousaleMalaya ang Pilipinas,Sa kalayaang tinatamasa,Nagkabutas ang batas,L...
22/09/2025

Gising na, Pilipinas | 09 β€’ 22 β€’ 25
✍🏻: conspeneousale

Malaya ang Pilipinas,
Sa kalayaang tinatamasa,
Nagkabutas ang batas,
Lumulubog ang bansa,
Bumabaha ng luha,
Lumulutang ang korapsyon,
Kapayapaang kanilang kinuha,
Pilipinas, kelan tayo babangon?

Kelan tayo gigising?
Wala sa naka-upo ang kapangyarihan,
Lagi nalang ba tayong hihiling?
Kung pwede namang tumindig at buhayin ang bayanihan,
Nasa atin ang kapangyarihan,
Tayo ay Pilipino,
Iwagayway ang banderang wawakas sa kasakiman,
Tayo ang naglagay – walang ibang makakabuwal kundi tayo.

Gising na Pilipinas,
Walang naka-upo kung walang bumuboto,
Dapat nang magwakas,
Satin dapat magmula ang pagbabago,
Gising na Pilipino,
Nasa atin ang pag-asa,
Walang pagbabago,
Kung patuloy na korap ang ululuklok ng masa.



HINDI NA MULI | 09 β€’ 20 β€’ 25 | 2:54 AM✍🏻:beau πŸŒΊπŸ‚ (conspeneousale)"π‘°π’”π’‚π’π’ˆ π’”π’–π’šπ’–π’‚π’π’ˆ π’π’‚π’ˆπ’”π’Šπ’Žπ’–π’π’‚ 𝒔𝒂 π’”π’Šπ’Žπ’‘π’π’†π’π’ˆ π’”π’–π’π’šπ’‚π’‘, 𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒂𝒑𝒐𝒔 𝒔𝒂...
21/09/2025

HINDI NA MULI | 09 β€’ 20 β€’ 25 | 2:54 AM
✍🏻:beau πŸŒΊπŸ‚ (conspeneousale)

"π‘°π’”π’‚π’π’ˆ π’”π’–π’šπ’–π’‚π’π’ˆ π’π’‚π’ˆπ’”π’Šπ’Žπ’–π’π’‚ 𝒔𝒂 π’”π’Šπ’Žπ’‘π’π’†π’π’ˆ π’”π’–π’π’šπ’‚π’‘, 𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒂𝒑𝒐𝒔 𝒔𝒂 π’‰π’Šπ’π’…π’Š 𝒏𝒂 π’Žπ’–π’π’Š.”

It all started in a macro classβ€”a huge lecture where four sections were combined. The room was always noisy: papers shuffling, students whispering, professors raising their voices to be heard.

But in the midst of chaos, there he goes – whose eyes are always wandering in the four corners of the wide auditorium.

And there, he found her. A beautiful blossom that blooms in the midst of the crowd. While everyone else blended into the chaos, she sat thereβ€”quiet, observing, detached. Just like a blooming flower – growing from wild grass, standing out in many ways.

And so, he began to steal glances.
Every class.
Every chance.

He watched as she moved. Every flicker of her pen, flip of her hair, and smile. It was almost like she was his subject to learn, and he sat there for almost 3 hours to memorize and study her.

"Alam mo, tol. Matutunaw na lang β€˜yan sa kakatitig mo, walang mangyayari sa inyo," his friend commented. He shrugged it off, for the thought of approaching her and taking her time to be with him seemed almost impossible.

Yet, his emotions overpowered him. With a palpitating heart, he bravely greeted her. He had prepared himself for rejection and little to no reaction at all, yet, she responded.

Something fueled the fire within him. He started talking to her after class, walking her halfway to her building, sharing little things about his day.

"Parang gusto ko nang lagi na lang tayong magkasama," he said as he walked her to her next class. She smiled to herself. β€œEh baka nasanay ka lang,” she uttered, just enough for him to hear.

He looked at her as they walked, "Kung ganun... gusto ko pang masanay lalo."

She flattered.
Butterflies.
Blooming flowers.

But she wasn’t the type to easily give in. She stayed calm, collected, almost indifferent.

In every moment they spent togetherβ€”casually eating lunch, walking through hallways and corridors, waiting for buses each and every day to go homeβ€”her heart began to sync to the beat of his. Yet, she wasn’t the type of woman who would easily show what she felt.

She remained neutral.

Her nonchalance made him doubt.

So he slowed down, took a step backβ€”unaware that Bea had already started falling, quietly, deeply.

He began to doubt more and more. She was unpredictable, unreadable. Sometimes she smiled, sometimes she was distant. And in his head, one thought grew louder: "π‘Ίπ’Šπ’ˆπ’–π’“π’β€¦ π’‰π’Šπ’π’…π’Š π’π’Šπ’šπ’‚ π’‚π’Œπ’ π’ˆπ’–π’”π’•π’. π‘©π’‚π’Œπ’‚ π’π’‚π’‘π’Šπ’‘π’Šπ’π’Šπ’•π’‚π’ π’π’‚π’π’ˆ π’”π’Šπ’šπ’‚."

And so, he drifted.

"π‘―π’Šπ’π’…π’Š π’Œπ’ 𝒏𝒂 π’Šπ’‘π’Šπ’‘π’Šπ’π’Šπ’• π’Œπ’–π’π’ˆ π’˜π’‚π’π’‚ π’•π’‚π’π’‚π’ˆπ’‚," he said.

No more waiting after class.
No more walking together.
No more late-night texts.

She noticed. His distance, his disappearance.

She began secretly stealing glances in his direction. Observing his actions, waiting for him to look at her, to have his attention.

She began to miss those afternoon talks, after-class walks, and late-night conversations.

"π‘¨π’π’π’π’ˆ π’π’‚π’π’ˆπ’šπ’‚π’“π’Š, π’ƒπ’‚π’Œπ’Šπ’• π’ƒπ’Šπ’ˆπ’π’‚π’π’ˆ π’π’‚π’ˆπ’ƒπ’‚π’ˆπ’?"

Just when she had fallenβ€”harder than she expected. But by the time she realized it, he had already let go.

"π‘©π’‚π’Œπ’Šπ’• π’π’‚π’ˆπ’Š π’π’‚π’π’‚π’π’ˆ π’ˆπ’‚π’β€™π’•π’?"

The boy who once couldn’t take his eyes off her… to the girl who was now waiting for him to sail back as he drifted away.

The butterflies are dead.
The blossoms withered.
The day he fell first, then she fell harder… until the moment he was gone with the wind.



PAPER CRANES | 07 β€’ 28 β€’ 25 | 2:43 PMOne-shot | Hope | Tragedy | Family Love Story Inspo : A Thousand Paper Cranes ---...
28/07/2025

PAPER CRANES | 07 β€’ 28 β€’ 25 | 2:43 PM
One-shot | Hope | Tragedy | Family Love
Story Inspo : A Thousand Paper Cranes

---

They named her Faithβ€”a name her mother prayed for in the darkest hours of her pregnancy, and a name her father whispered through tears when he held her for the first time. Weak, tiny, and wrapped in tubes, she came into the world already fighting.

Her life had always been this wayβ€”back and forth to the hospital, blood tests before birthdays, chemotherapy before Christmases. She never knew playgrounds or field trips, but she knew hospital corridors and the way nurses smiled even when they were tired.

But despite the sickness, despite the pain, Faith smiled. Always.

It was in one of her many hospital stays that she met Dr. Marcus, her attending physician. He was young, kind, and patient. He spoke to her not like a doctor, but like a kuya. Sometimes, he’d visit her even when he wasn’t on duty, just to check how she was doing or to sneak in a small treat her mom would pretend not to notice.

One quiet afternoon, while adjusting her IV line, Dr. Marcus sat on the edge of her bed and looked at her.

β€œMay kwento ako,” he said.

Faith turned to him, eyes curious. β€œAno po 'yun, Kuya Doc?”

He smiled. β€œDo you know the story of a thousand paper cranes?”

Faith shook her said. Marcus nod slightly and smiled before telling the story, but then he paused.

She tilted her head, waiting.

β€œSabi nila, if you fold a thousand paper cranes, one wish will come true.”

β€œReally?” she asked, half-wondering, half-hoping.

He nodded. β€œAny wish.”

That night, Faith asked her mom to bring her some origami paper. The next day, she began folding.

At first, her folds were clumsy. Her fingers trembled from medication, and her palms were dry from all the IV insertions. But she kept going.

Day by day, sheet by sheet, tiny paper birds were born. She placed them near her window, watching as they fluttered slightly whenever the wind crept in.

She didn’t fold them just for herself.

Whenever she met someone in the hospitalβ€”a little boy crying in pain, an old woman praying for her last moments, a nurse going through something hardβ€”she would offer them a crane.

β€œSabi ni Kuya Doc, kapag nakatanggap ka n'yan – mag-wish ka daw,” she’d say with a tired smile. β€œBaka matupad.”

Some of them chuckled. Some cried. And a few… did get better.

β€œFaith,” her mother once said gently, watching her fold another crane, β€œwhy do you keep giving them away, Anak? Diba, you wanted to create a thousand?”

She smiled faintly. β€œMi, wanted them to be better like me.”

"Anak,"

"It's okay, I know I will get well someday." She said. Her mother caress her cheeks. "Kuya Doc is treating me, and Tito Ninong is praying for me. I will be better, Mommy."

By the time she reached her early teens, Faith had created a few hundred cranes. But her body was weakening. Her lungs weren’t responding to treatment anymore. Her hands, once steady, now trembled too much to fold properly.

Dr. Marcus began visiting lessβ€”not because he didn’t care, but because he couldn’t bear watching her fade. Every time he looked at her, he saw the girl who gave everyone else hope… but was quietly running out of her own.

One morning, Faith asked her mom to call her ninong, Pastor Eli.

When he arrived, Faith was pale, her breathing shallow, but her eyes were calm.

β€œTito Ninong,” she said softly.

"How care you?" He asked. He's too careful, he held her hand like a new born baby – too fragile, too weak.

β€œTito Ninong, do you think… if we finish the cranes, I’ll fly to heaven faster?”

He didn’t know what to say. He held her hand and simply nodded.

She smiled. β€œPromise me... finish them, ha? I want to reach Him with wings.”

That night, she closed her eyes and never opened them again. She passed away with a paper crane on her chest and a folded piece in her handβ€”half-finished, like her story.

The wake was held in a small chapel filled with soft light and silent tears.

And one by one, people began to fold.

Her mother folded between sobs, her hands shaking as she remembered her daughter’s laughter.

Her father folded in silence, each crease a quiet apology for not being able to save her.

Dr. Marcus came and folded a dozen in one sitting. He didn’t speak to anyone. He just stared at the casket as if waiting for her to sit up and scold him for missing her last few days.

People arrived from all overβ€”nurses, patients who’d gone home months ago, strangers who had once received a paper crane from the little girl in Room 208.

β€œI wouldn’t be alive if not for her,” said a boy with a surgical scar near his heart. β€œShe gave me a crane and told me to wish.”

And he did. And he lived.

By the final night of the wake, exactly 1,000 paper cranes had been folded. Each one a wish, a memory, a goodbye.

They placed them inside her casket. Some tucked between her fingers. Some nestled around her like feathers. Some arranged to look like wings.

And when they closed the lid, someone swore they felt a breeze pass through the chapel. Someone swore the paper cranes moved.

Faith was buried under a cloudy sky, surrounded by people who had once been strangersβ€”but now shared a loss that connected them forever.

No one said too much. There were no grand speeches.

Only the quiet sound of the wind through trees.

Only a thousand paper cranes… gently swaying.

And if you listen closely, some say you can still hear them flying.



Title: Broken Promise [one short]written by: conspeneousale07-27-25 | 3:58 AMI am currently discussing a topic in fron...
26/07/2025

Title: Broken Promise [one short]
written by: conspeneousale
07-27-25 | 3:58 AM

I am currently discussing a topic in front, pointing key points in my lesson, writing the details in the blackboard. Then, eventually I noticed one of my students staring somewhere in my chest.

I paused. Letting the class catch up on my discussion and write what was written on the board.

I looked at the girl whose eyes are fastened on my chest. She lazily blinked her eyes, palm in her chin, while the other hand is playing her pen through her fingers.

Unconsciously, I touched the pendant on my necklace.

It seems like it triggered her and she came back to reality. Her eyes automatically looked at me, it widened, when she found me staring at her. She sat straight and put down her arm on the table and began writing as if nothing happened.

My fingers stayed on the pendant as my eyes roamed the silent classroom. I can see my students looking at the blackboard behind me, heads up and down, pens scribbling on papers.

Slowly, I can hear a voice echo in the back of my head.

"Anong plano mo after graduation?" I asked, leaning my head on his shoulder. "Hmm," he answered as if thinking. "I don't know, maybe we'll take the LEPT together?" He finally answered.

"Will you work agad if pasado tayo?" I asked again. I tried to sneak a glance on his face, only to find his handsome side profile looking at the field, where we are at the moment.

"Siguro," his short answer. He looked at me in the eyes then smiled. I smiled as well and closed my eyes when I felt his touch on my face, he tucked some strands on the back of my ear.

"Will you get rich with me?" I heard him whisper. "Oum" I answered, still eyes closed. "Let's get rich together" I added before opening my eyes, snuggling his arm.

I laughed when he suddenly lay down, letting me fall onto him. He caught my head using his palm, so I won't hit my head on the ground. He pulled me close to him and hugged me as we lay on the grass.

"I bought us something" he said. "What?" I asked looking at his face, brows furrowed while struggling to get something from his pockets. "Ano ba yun? You need help?" I asked and looked down at his pocket. "No, no," he touched my ear, it tickled me, I chuckled and snuggled my face on his chest.

"Here~ we go!" He happily said, as if in relief. I looked at his hand. In between his fingers there are two rings. "Sorry, it looks awful like this. I was in a hurry when I bought this, hindi ko na nabilhan ng lalagyan. But, I think we won't need it naman coz we'll wear this as long as we can." He looked at me playfully raising a brow. He leaned his face closer to mine. "Till we finally afford a wedding band," he whispered in my face. I giggled and touched his face.

"For my future misis, this is my promise," he gently got my right hand and slid the ring on my middle finger. "I will marry you." He said while fixing the ring in my finger. My heart is pounding as I watch him rub his thumb on my knuckles before kissing the ring on my finger.

"Ako naman," he gave me the other ring and willingly showed me his hand. I laughed and slid the ring on his middle finger and watched it with the clouds. "Let's reach our dreams together, get rich together, be together ever and ever, together forever" I said smiling watching our rings.

I closed my eyes when my eyes began to burn from the light of the sky. I laughed when I found his hand above my face, covering the light. He gave me a soft kiss on my cheek.

Our graduation came, we formally introduced our relationship to each other's family. We openly discuss our relationship plans and status with our friends. Time flew fast, we got busy reviewing for our board exam.

"Baby, paano kung hindi ako pasado?" I asked nervously. He held my hand tightly. "Impossible," he looked at my face with an assuring smile. "Pero, what if?" I asked again. He sighed and kissed my forehead. "It's fine, you have multiple chances. Strong ka, remember? Never back down, never what?" He laughed. I smiled and lazily spoke. "Never give up," I sarcastically said.

The results came out, we both looked for each other's names on the list.

I was beyond happy when I found mine.

He cheered for me and celebrated with me. We jumped and screamed and laughed. We almost forgot we took the exam together and he was supposed to have his result now, as well.

"Babe?" I asked when we couldn't find his name. I can't read his emotions. All I can see is his brows furrowed. "Baka may iba pang lists, marami pa namang names e," I touched his shoulder and sat next to him. "May I?" I borrowed the laptop from him and scrolled to see other lists. He's just silent, next to me, face palmed.

I bite my lower lip when I am starting to feel like his wasn't here. I looked at him worriedly. His eyes weren't looking into mine, he seems lost in a deep thought, jaw clenching, he didn't look mad at all nor felt like it.

"Baby?" I asked cautiously. I gently touched his shoulder. "Hmm?" He flinched and looked at me. I saw a glimmer in his eyes when he blinked. "You okay?" I asked. He nodded as a response. I watched his eyes, then he looked away. He wet his lips and coughed. "Congrats," he said and looked at me with a big smile. I just smiled not knowing what else to say.

I followed him when he stood up.

I was about to speak when he suddenly touched me by my hand and looked at me, as if begging. I waited for him to speak, watching his eyes staring into mine.

"I need space," he said, as if asking for permission. I didn't argue nor ask why. I just nod while rubbing my thumbs on his fingers. He smiled and gave me a kiss on my forehead before leaving the room.

"Oh gosh," I sighed and closed my eyes when he left. I tried to look for his name from the top of the list till the very end but I can't find his name. I told my mom when she called to congratulate me.

"Baby, where are you?" I asked when he picked up the phone. It's been two hours since he left me at our apartment. "Sorry, I walked and smoked. Then, I bought you something to celebrate your results." I could hear him happy but I wasn't happy at all. I can feel his pain right now. I don't feel like celebrating anything, it makes me feel like I'm insulting him for something. "Don't worry, pauwi na ako." He added before ending the call.

I sat on the chair, waiting.

I was dosing off to sleep when my phone rang. I didn't bother to look for who it is and just pick it up. "Baby?" I heard his voice. "Hmm?" I answered sleepy. "I forgot to say, I love you" I smiled. I didn't even realize. "I love you too." I replied. "I'm sleepy na, pauwi ka na right? Please, hurry. Miss you na" I tried to sound so cute. I heard him chuckled from the other line. "Okay po" he answered as sweet as possible. I smiled while my eyes closed.

I am half asleep. I don't know but my ears seem to hear something unusual. My eyes were close but I could clearly see the bright light of a car's head light slowly approaching and the car's tires scratching on the road.

I was about to ask him if he could hear what I heard when suddenly, just as my eyes could see those vivid images in my thoughts, a car crashing, I heard a loud bang from the other line.

I opened my eyes, as soon as my heart began to pound as fast as it could be. "Baby?" I called. "B-babe?" I pant. Out of nowhere tears fell from my eyes. "Hey," I whispered when no one answered from the other line.

The phone slipped on my hold and fell to the ground. It created a noise.

"Ma'am?" I flinched when a student called me. "Y-yes?" I answered. "Pwede na po kami lumabas? Nag-ring na po kasi." She respectfully asked. I looked at my watch and nodded. She smiled and happily informed her classmates.

I looked up when my eyes began to water. I touched the promise ring that I used to wear on my finger. I bit my lower lip when the tear began to fall on my eyes.

"You promised" I whispered in the air.

I closed my eyes and sat down in my chair. I sob when my chest feels heavy.

'you promised that you'll marry me, be successful, get rich, be together forever...'

'but i forgot, promises are meant to be broken'



Dandelions | 10 β€’ 13 β€’ 24✍🏻: conspeneousaleFinal days of September,Days to go before October,Reminiscing the memory,Keep...
02/07/2025

Dandelions | 10 β€’ 13 β€’ 24
✍🏻: conspeneousale

Final days of September,
Days to go before October,
Reminiscing the memory,
Keeping those dandelions in sanctuary.

Remembering where it all started
On the sea shore I shouted;
"Dear God, give me a worthy beloved"
I turned around and saw who God sent.



She's Dating A Psychopath | Chapter 2: Spoilerwritten by: janeez (conspeneousale)"Marunong ka magluto?" Tanong n'ya sa'k...
25/06/2025

She's Dating A Psychopath | Chapter 2: Spoiler
written by: janeez (conspeneousale)

"Marunong ka magluto?" Tanong n'ya sa'kin. "Medyo, yung Mama ko lang kasi madalas na nagluluto para sa'kin e." Sagot ko naman sa kanya habang naglalakad na kami pabalik.

"Ako gusto kong matuto." Aniya kaya napatingin ano sa kanya at napatango ako. "Malay mo in the future makapangasawa ako ng mayaman, diba?"

Napatingin ako sa ibaba habang iniisip ang mga kwento n'ya. Malawak rin pala imagination nitong si Lourdes at medyo madaldal rin.

"Tapos magiging housewife ako. Kasi sa sobrang rich n'ya kaya na n'ya ibigay sa'kin ang lahat at ang kailangan ko lang gawin ay alagaan s'ya." Kinikilig n'yang sabi habang nakatingala pa sa langit. Natawa ako nung mapapadyak s'ya sa kilig.

"Wala namang imposible," aniko na ikinaharap n'ya sa'kin at tumango-tango pa. "Ackkk! Kilig!" Natawa kami pareho. Hindi na nga namin namalayan na sana harapan na pala kami ng boarding house namin.

p.s. 'Lourdes' name changed to 'Leah' due to inconvenience. Thank you🌺


d i s t a n s y a | 06 β€’ 19 β€’ 25✍🏻: conspeneousalekaya ka ba dumidistansya –dahil hindi na ako mahalaga?o, baka naman ...
19/06/2025

d i s t a n s y a | 06 β€’ 19 β€’ 25
✍🏻: conspeneousale

kaya ka ba dumidistansya –
dahil hindi na ako mahalaga?
o, baka naman – ang distansya mo,
sumisimbolo na hindi talaga ako naging mahalaga sa'yo.

masaktan man ay ayos lang,
kung hindi ka man para sa'kin
lagi't-lagi kong ipapanalangin –
ilayo ka nalang sa'kin.

UNTITLED | 06 β€’ 05 β€’ 25 | 9:37 PM✍🏻: conspeneousaleSa lahat ng liham na aking sinulat na ikaw lahat ang pamagat, muling ...
05/06/2025

UNTITLED | 06 β€’ 05 β€’ 25 | 9:37 PM
✍🏻: conspeneousale

Sa lahat ng liham na aking sinulat na ikaw lahat ang pamagat, muling binasang lahat at muling binalikan ang bawat pahina ng nakaraan. Taong ikaw pa ang laman ng bawat papel, sa'yo pa lumuluha habang sinusuka ng tinta ang bawat sakit, lumbay, at ligaya. Panahong sa bawat oras, minu-minuto sayo'y nangungulila.

Sa isang maliit na karton, muli akong bumalik sa nakaraan. Nakaraang unti-unti ko ng kinakalimutan. Alam mo ba, habang binabasa ko 'tong lahat – hindi na tulad ng dati. Akala ko mararamdaman ko parin ang lungkot, akala ko titibok parin ang puso ko, sasagi ka nanaman sa isipan ko, malulumbay na naman ang munting ako sa imposibleng pagtingin mo.

Binasa kong lahat ng liham ko para sa'yo. Pilit na dinadama kung paano ako minsang nalumbay at nanabik sa'yo.

Bawat letra, bawat salita, alam kong walang makakatumbas ng paghanga ko. Alam ko'ng kung may makakapagpatibok muli ng puso ko ay hindi tulad ng kung paano ito minsang tumibok sa'yo.

Normal ba 'to?

Normal bang hindi ako nasaktan, hindi ako nanghinayang, masaya ako. Dahil may isang ikaw na minsan kong hinangaan, inalayan ng tula, at mga liham na kelan man ay hindi mo malalaman at mababasa.

Sa aking pag-usad, aalalahanin parin kita. Ikaw na naging inspirasyon ng aking mga tula, ikaw na natatanging pamagat nang aking bawat liham, ikaw na kelan man ay hindi naging akin pero nilaanan ko ng pag-ibig.

Laman ng bawat liham ko ang bawat sana at panalangin na "sana maging maligaya ka at sana makatagoo ka ng pag-ibig na nararapat para sa'yo, kahit na hindi ako". Ganun parin ang dalangin ko, pero ngayon – sana maging maligaya ako kahit hindi na sa'yo.

#2022

KAHIT HINDI NA AKO | R E V I S E D04 β€’ 26 β€’ 25 | 2:24 PM✍🏻: conspeneousale---β€œWala ka pang boyfriend?” he asked.Mataga...
26/04/2025

KAHIT HINDI NA AKO | R E V I S E D

04 β€’ 26 β€’ 25 | 2:24 PM
✍🏻: conspeneousale

---

β€œWala ka pang boyfriend?” he asked.

Matagal rin kaming hindi nagkita nitong kumag na ’to, ah.

We’re both busy in our studies and lives right now. Good thing is, nakapag-catch up naman kami kahit papaanoβ€”kahit through chat lang.

I laughed pagkatapos ko siyang bigyan ng saglit na tingin.
β€œYou really think magkaka-jowa ako kung ganito ako?”

I don’t take anyone seriously. Sa totoo lang, hindi pa ako interesado magkaroon ng karelasyon.

β€œHmm?” he agreed, chuckling softly.

β€œBa’t di mo subukan? Lumabas ka naman sa comfort zone mo. ’Wag puro Wattpad, nagiging weird ka na eh,” dagdag niya pang sabi na tila ba ay nang-aasar.

β€œWow ah!” I laughed, and so did he.
β€œHindi naman ako nagmamadali, eh. Saka hindi ko pa naman kailangan ’yon.”

β€œWell, try explore. Wala namang mawawala kung susubukan mo,” aniya pa.

I looked at him. He’s not looking at me.

His soft, straight hair was getting blown by the wind. His fine jaw and pointed nose complement his side profile.

I looked away when my hand started itchingβ€”I wanted to feel his strands running through my fingers.

β€œMay nanliligaw naman sa ’yo, ’di ba?” he asked.
I nodded, looking in front, but I could still see him in my peripheral vision.

β€œOh? Meron naman pala eh. Subukan mo kaya,” dagdag niya pa.

I caught him looking at me, but I didn’t look back.

β€œAyoko.” Mabilisang sagot ko.

β€œBakit naman?” he asked, confused. β€œWhat’s stopping you ba? Matanda ka naman na, ah.”

Ikaw.

I looked at himβ€”and our eyes met. He didn’t break the eye contact.

I wanted to utter those words, but my heart pounded so fast that I could barely remember what to say.

Instead, I sighed and looked away.

β€œTatanda na siguro akong mag-isa,” pabiro kong sabi.

He laughed, but never talked.

I missed you.

I gently tapped my chest to calm myself.

I’m still stuck in the past version of you.

I stole glances at himβ€”smiling, looking somewhere.

Those same eyes used to look at me with admiration… but now, it’s just plain.

I looked away, straightening my posture.

Nandun pa rin ako sa lugar kung saan ka nangakong maghihintay kaβ€”pero hindi ka na bumalik pa.

My chest starts to get heavy.

I can’t love anyone, ’coz I am still not over you.

When I looked at him, he looked at me with big smilesβ€”so I smiled back.

How am I supposed to tell you this? That I waited?
What if malayo na ang pagitan nating dalawa?
What if mahaba na ang biyahe mo, habang ako, nandito pa rinβ€”nag-aantay sa ’yo?

I watched him laughing at something while he sat next to me.

I want you to keep those smiles… kahit hindi na dahil sa ’kin. I want you to be happy. I want your heart to keep beating… kahit hindi na ako.

I smiled bitterly to myself habang nakatitig sa lalaking minahal ako, pero hindi ko binigyan ng halaga dahil natakot akong masaktan.

Pero wala namang nagbago. Nasasaktan pa rin ako.

At nanghihinayang.

Dahil… sinayang ko.



Mister Winter | 04 β€’ 22 β€’ 25 | 2:16 PM✍🏻: conspeneousaleInto the woods,Under the moonlight,Taking the path no one could,...
22/04/2025

Mister Winter | 04 β€’ 22 β€’ 25 | 2:16 PM
✍🏻: conspeneousale

Into the woods,
Under the moonlight,
Taking the path no one could,
Guided by the starlight.

Could lead me nowhere,
Creepy atmosphere,
To where I have been – forgotten,
Then stumbled upon Mister Winter – frown.


MY BEST FRIEND'S DIARY | 04 β€’ 13 β€’ 25 | 2:32 PM✍🏻: conspeneousaleI was bored and decided to clean my room to divert my a...
19/04/2025

MY BEST FRIEND'S DIARY | 04 β€’ 13 β€’ 25 | 2:32 PM
✍🏻: conspeneousale

I was bored and decided to clean my room to divert my attention and not let myself succumb to sleepiness.

I sat in the bed and one by one folded my clothes neatly as how it should be–but got messed up in the process.

Then, I stumbled upon a small pink notebook with lots of torn pages and an old satin ribbon as a bookmark.

I carefully flipped some pages and was astonished to see dried flowers, faded plastic wrappers of some random candy, old letters stuck in between pages, and her lengthy words written in every page of that notebook.

Sentimental, isn't she?

I read those letters from every page starting from "Dear Diary," up to the end where she often put random drawings to describe her feelings as she wrote those thoughts inside her head.

Things are beautifully written. She surely secured her past into words, to be sure that these memories will not be forgotten no matter how long ago it happened.

But then, I saw a couple of pages dedicated to a certain person. Which each started from "Dear Love," and ended with an ending note "Yours truly as always".

I smiled as I read those letters. These might not reach that man but she did make efforts writing these. These letters are different from others. I can still feel how deeply infatuated she is to that man.

Infatuated lang ba?

Did she ever realize she might have loved him all along? But decided to keep it in order to respect their friendship.

I hope she won't get mad if she learns that I invaded her privacy by reading her diary.

My best friend–whom fond of words and sentimental.

I smiled.

A man she will love must be very lucky. She doesn't lie, nor betray her own feelings. She may not be very vocal but she'll surely fall you into how she wrote her unsaid thoughts and made you feel love in her own way of expressing it.

I have never seen a girl this naive and loyal.

Seven years of admiration.

She saw her man being in-love with someone else, she saw her man being happy with somebody, she saw her man in despair–heartbroken, she saw her man before her and knows she won't be able to sit next to him, yet, all this time, she loved him and never regretted those feelings.

She rejected the love of someone else just to be loyal to that man who doesn't even look back to see her following, walking behind him, all this time.

"Kung mababasa mo ba 'tong lahat may pag-asa ba?" a bitter smile rose in my lips as I read those words.

Every page was like a fountain–watering a long dried garden. Reviving dead roots and blooms a beautiful flower that had been gone long ago.

"Alam ko naman na hindi mo mababasa 'to, pero naisip ko lang na ang swerte mo. Kung kaya ko lang ibigay sa'yo, ano kaya magiging reaksyon mo kapag nabasa mong lahat ng 'to?"

I picked up that dried gumamela whose step is slowly deteriorating.

If I were to love. I want to love wholeheartedly. I want to give that man the love he deserves.

I will love like my best friend.

I will be there in his highs or lows. I will support and push him to his success even though I will not be the one standing next to him with all his achievements. I will be his crying shoulder on his downfall. I will always be that woman who'll build him even though I am not the woman of his dream.

And, if I were to be loved.

I will love my best friend.

I will love that man wholeheartedly. So, if I were to be loved. I must forget the love that I used to have. I must not let him feel taken for granted.

So, for that man, I hope you're still there waiting when I finally get over the love written and fossilized in my best friend's diary.

Coz, if I were to love you. I want to love you with the whole me, no more pasts and regrets. Hindi man ngayon, but I know someday, when I get over it, I can surely love you wholeheartedly.



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