18/05/2026
“I was a bishop in Midway when my son Kale emailed me from the MTC: ‘I’m not doing this anymore’.
Two weeks earlier, I’d presided over his farewell.
He was a white-shirt-and-tie kid, over the moon excited about Japan.
I went numb at the keyboard.
My LDS map, the one I’d advocated from the pulpit, suddenly stopped working.
What followed was 13 years of learning what I should’ve seen sooner.
Sarah and I had built a family on high expectations.
Strongs serve missions.
Strongs marry in the temple.
There was no hellfire, just a playbook.
And Kale was wrestling underneath all of it, sending signals we missed because we were too busy running the play.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
Expectations, when too rigid, become manipulation, even when they come from love.
You cannot install the gospel into someone.
It has to grow inside them, and you have to stay out of the way.
As a mission president over 700 missionaries, the single thing that mattered wasn’t scripture knowledge or worthiness, it was desire.
If they chose it, Heavenly Father did the rest.
We are called to gather, not sift.
God is the judge, later, not now.
When we use standards to sort people instead of lift them, we get it wrong.
The most pivotal moment came on a plane.
I sat next to a man flipping through black-and-white photographs of falcons.
He’d captured the soul of these birds.
I asked him what most people don’t understand about falcons.
He didn’t hesitate: ‘They don’t have to come back. They choose to come back. When you release them, if they feel frustration or anger from me, they don’t return.’
God was showing me my son.
Kale wasn’t rebellious or broken.
He hadn’t rejected us.
He was a falcon, wounded, and free.
I had turned healthy stewardship into control and love into unyielding expectations without even knowing it.
That moment carried me for a year.
Whenever things got hard, I could feel God’s hand on my shoulder.
That is the tender mercy.
That is the power of deliverance.
God is found in the messiness.
He reaches through the fog and finds us there.”
- Brother Jeff Strong
tornbyjeffstrong