06/07/2026
Why I Hate Luos:
I am a Luo, but sometimes my fellow Luos make life very difficult for the rest of us.
Yesterday, I boarded a matatu from the city to one of the estates around. I was going to deliver some books to a client who had published with us at Candid Publishers and Consultancy Ltd.
By good luck, I found myself seated next to a beautiful lady. We started chatting, and I liked everything about her. In fact, I suddenly remembered that I was single and, perhaps, still searching. (I'm not very sure though).
To improve my chances, I offered to pay her fare. It was only 30 bob, but I believed such a sacrifice could touch her heart and maybe make her fall in love with me.
Everything was moving well until another Luo man stopped the matatu and got in.
This man completely ignored my presence as if I did not exist. He sat there and immediately started seducing the lady. I watched in disbelief as my hard-earned 30 bob investment began losing value before my eyes.
I got worried. I gently nudged the lady and whispered to her to tell the man that we were together.
She refused.
I even tried reminding her that she was travelling courtesy of my 30 bob, but she ignored me completely and continued enjoying the man's jokes.
After about twenty minutes, the man reached his destination. Since the matatu showed no signs of stopping, he began shouting, "Dere, sukisa hapa! Sukisa! Sukisa mimi!"
The entire vehicle burst into laughter because of his Kiswahili. Even the lady laughed. I felt a little better. At least, I knew how to say 'shukisha' instead of 'sukisa'.
A few minutes later, I reached my destination and confidently said, "Naomba kushuka hapa."
Unfortunately, my excellent Kiswahili attracted no attention except that of the driver, who stopped the vehicle.
Before getting out, I decided to make one final attempt. I asked the lady for her number. She refused. I begged a little. She still refused.
As I continued negotiating, the driver finally lost patience and shouted, "Kijana, toka nje! Hatufanyi kazi yako hapa!"
I stepped out of the matatu trembling like an excommunicated member of a community.
People laughed. Some complained that I was wasting their time. The lady showed absolutely no remorse. Not even for the 30 bob I had paid for her.
I walked away a very embarrassed man.
© Sylvester Ochieng Juma