30/04/2025
We’ve always been here.
Every time I see someone say autism is a trend or an epidemic, I think of little-girl me.
So obviously autistic, but no one knew what it looked like in girls like her. Still everyone sensed something was off: she was the odd duck, the sad Eeyore, the otherworld creature.
She walked on tiptoes, spun in circles, found patterns everywhere. Chewed on pencils, clothes, hair, even her own skin. Spent hours pacing, lost in her world. Jumped on floor patterns, balanced on lines. Often preferred that to playing with kids.
She was called “too shy” or bicho-do-mato (like a forest creature). She often felt on the edge in groups and couldn’t find the gaps to speak. Sometimes, she had good friends who took her by the hand. Other times, she was rejected and stayed alone in the schoolyard.
Simple things like telling left from right, or holding cutlery or scissors correctly, were hard (and still are). Her mom supported her, even without knowing what was “wrong.” She cut tags off clothes, crusts off bread, offered comfort, etc.
Always the last to get a joke or sarcasm, if she got it at all. She learned it was easier to smile like she did.
The distracted, slow, clumsy girl. Lost in her world but painfully aware of everything. Eye contact was hard. How do you look someone in the eye, process what they’re saying, and figure out what to say? Slow processing is tough, never in the flow.
But she wasn’t disruptive. Got good grades. “She’s just odd.” “She’ll thrive someday... right?”
She didn’t thrive. She made it through.
Things that seem easy for others are still hard. Driving, working, making a call, deciding, etc. Most struggles from childhood remain, she just hides it better now.
She wishes she’d known sooner that she wasn’t broken. That she could be herself. Maybe then she could’ve thrived in a possible way. Maybe she still can now that she knows.
I’m glad more girls (and others) are being seen now. But we still have far to go. Please don’t take us backward now.
That’s the end of Autism Awareness and Acceptance Month, much has happened lately to show we are still far from both. Remember autism is a spectrum and this is just my story.
