19/06/2025
as I went out for a walk and to the beach yesterday in the beautiful area that I luckily get to call my home 🏝️ I had a wave of guilt. I experience this nearly everyday for one thing or another, it’s part of the healing. But I felt guilty for enjoying the sunshine and not working at a million miles an hour even when there’s not much I can do at the moment. I gave myself the reward of the beach after completing a task I set myself to do at home, so I even ‘earned’ it. But yet I still felt bad.
I worked through this feeling and I felt like I was feeling bad that I wasn’t ’excelling’ enough, which is a total lie. I am excelling. I feel that after such a chaotic life in my 20s, now that I am in a stable, healthy, positive and nurturing period of my life that can sometimes feel a slower pace it makes me feel like I’m not doing enough. But this time is a gift. I had to remind myself that what if the universe is gifting me this slower pace because of how much chaos I went through, and maybe how busy things will be for me later down the line. So I am allowed to enjoy the stroll.
I have been working lots on my music as well as other parts of my career and entrepreneurial endeavours. I struggle with how long things take sometimes but I guess that’s shown me I need to work on patience and growing out of instant gratification, something I discovered I struggled with. I think where social media is involved in the parts of my career I almost feel like there’s not much point in me posting because I want to share a finished product and then show the process once it’s out and carry through that way. And the way I am now I don’t feel the need to share much of my inner personal world online anymore, which is something I really like about myself now, I can enjoy it in real time. That’s not to say it isn’t a lovely thing to share - hence why I’m sharing right now. But it feels amazing to be present, working on my healing and growth and letting of the past piece by peice.
There’s lots going on in the world right now too which I also think can make people feel like there is no point to what they want to achieve, but that’s not true. Its still worth taking a chance on you