27/06/2026
Eeiyah, brace yourselves lads and lasses, because this heatwave is absolute bloody murder on our equipment. 🥵☀️
As your proud Bandmaster, I’ve been getting a lot of frantic texts about things getting far too hot and sticky to handle. When the temperature spikes like this, our instruments take a real beating, so we need to take extra care of our prized possessions before our next big blow.
Here is my official advice for keeping your brass in tip-top condition during this scorching weather:
L**e up liberally: If your slides are feeling stiff and dry, don't just force them in! Give them a proper, thorough greasing. A well-lubricated shaft moves much smoother and prevents any nasty jamming when things get intense.
Keep your spit valves clear: No one likes a soggy bottom. With the heat, you're going to be producing a lot of extra moisture. Empty your water keys frequently so you don't get that awful, gurgling sound right when you're trying to reach a climax.
Watch your positioning: Whatever you do, do not leave your horn baking in the back of a hot car. It’ll expand in ways you didn't think possible, and nobody wants a warped, misshapen tool. Keep it somewhere cool, dark, and safely tucked away.
Mind your mouthpieces: If yours is feeling too hot to trot, give it a quick dip in some cool water before you stick it in. Shoving a scalding piece of metal onto sensitive lips is a recipe for disaster.
Fi*****ng technique: If your valves are feeling sluggish and unresponsive in the heat, a tiny drop of high-quality oil down the hole will do wonders. It keeps the action fast,
slick, and highly satisfying.
Let’s keep it tight, keep it lubed, and we’ll get through this sticky patch together. See you all at practice on Thursday—and remember to bring a towel, it’s going to be a sweaty one! 🎺💦
Thanking you
Dennis
**ed